Post # 1
So I am watching Four Weddings and the DJ at one of the brides wedding asked persons who had not RSVP’d to leave the reception room and to be seated outside. Is this proper etiquette?
To me, if you did not RSVP then I would not be expecting you, but then, imagine how the guests felt to have to stand up and go outside of the reception room? What do the bees think?
Post # 3
At that point you have to do what you can to make them comfortable, even if they were initially the rude ones by not RSVP’ing.
Post # 5
I think I have seen that episode… and the number of guests that had to move was shocking! I’m not sure all of the guests would have fit in that venue even if they HAD RSVP’ed… and that (to me) is a big issue – I don’t understand why someone sends out more invitations than she is able to host. I get equally annoyed when an airline has intentionally overbooked a flight. In both cases “they” are counting on no-shows to make something they did wrong turn out ok.
BUT… that’s no excuse, if you’ve invited the people, they are your guests. (Yes, they should have let you know they were coming… but you probably should have followed up when you didn’t hear one way or the other!) Your guests deserve to be treated as though you WANT them to be at your wedding (or other event)… because presumably you do, or else why did you invite them??
So yes, absolutely, accomodate all invited guests that show up, RSVP or not… and don’t do it by treating them like second class citizens who need to be segregated because you’re annoyed with them.
Post # 6
I threatened to do this to our guests who didn’t RSVP (certain family members who were just being dicks about the whole thing) but we ended up making room for them. I couldn’t imagine kicking someone out of my reception when I did invite them even if they couldn’t have the decency to reply.
I went to a wedding a few years ago where the couple had 70 people show up who didn’t reply. SEVENTY! The venue ended up setting up tables on the dance floor and added chairs to the opposite side of the BP’s head table so that they could cram in more people. That wedding was a complete and utter fail anyway so this was just one of the things that lead to it being the “worst wedding ever”.
Post # 7
@UmbrellaMoon: I agrre with you but I wonder, if a room at a venue costs less then I can see why some brides will assume that not rsvping means the persons will not come. I went to a wedding where over 40 persons did not attend and the bride had accomodated them and the wasted costs for using the larger room as well as the cost for food was ridiculous.
Post # 8
@islandbabes: Oh I know the espisode you are talking about! I couldn’t believe all those people showed up without replying.
Honestly I don’t know what I’d do. I think it is exceptionally rude to show up to an event you have not RSVP’d for. I plan on contacting each guest who doesn’t RSVP to get there response. I’m tempted to get my FBIL’s to man the door and “greet” the guests at the reception. Both of them would make great bouncers and would know exactly what to say to turn guests away 😉
Post # 9
I saw that episode! And while it seemed really awful at the time, it was a TON of people, and I know that at our wedding we simply would not have had the extra chairs, tables or the extra meals to feed that many (our venue could hold more people, but we had rented chairs, linens, etc based on the RSVPs). Which is why I was a crazy stickler following-up on every single RSVP, I am always surprised (a few posts today in fact) by how many people aren’t picking up their phones the day the RSVP deadline has passed!
Post # 10
I think you should try and accomidate them best you can, like squeeze in a chair or two. But if you are at capacity and cant do anything, then I guess they have to sit outside or leave! Its aweful but its happens. Some venues are super strickt about fire codes so even if your 1 or 2 people over, then will make you remove someone.
I used to work for a catering company, and the venue held 300 people. The absolute max was 350. And since it was a small town, parties and events got checked on a lot. A couple times we had to quickly throw up a table in under a minute to accomidate non-rsvpers. We ran out of food another time because the bride told us 75 and 125 showed up, (and that was alot of tables to throw up). One wedding they were at 350 and about 10 more people who didnt rsvp showed up, we told the bride (well they were easy to notice because they were the only ones not sitting). And they got asked to leave. I felt bad for them, but rules are rules!
Post # 11
So is it that in the interest of etiquette that the bride/groom must stand additional costs for people rude enough not to respond at ANY point BEFORE the wedding?
Kind a makes me glad my wedding is for 10. I remember my neighbours wedding that the vegetarian couple who had not RSVP’d was tthe most vocal about not being pleased with the food choices. Loud enough that the bride at the head table heard and was mortified. Why do persons exhibit this absolute lack of class/taste when they know full well it is not like a backyard bbq and there are sometimes exorbitant costs involved in accomodating those who for all intents and purposes took themselves off the list? I just checked Strawberry Hill, Irish Town as a venue and at $100+ per plate if someone did not RSVP be sure I was not counting them in…smh at bad manners.
Post # 12
Rudeness should not beget rudeness. By not accomodating them, you’re no better than they are by not responding. You did, after all, invite them in the first place.
Plus, you should just call people and follow up with the missing RSVPs.
Post # 13
@UpstateCait: I went to a wedding and that hapoened as well. 35 people showed up who didn’t rsvp! I rsvp’d and didn’t have a seat. (There was no seating chart) So we had to wait for the venue to set up more seats. They haappened to be on the dancefloor so when it came time fir the dances we lost our seats. My solution is to have a seating chart and if you didn’t rsvp you may not be able to attend. I know that sounds bad but that’s how it’s going to be. And I’m sure my fiance feels the same way.
Post # 14
@islandbabes: I had someone at the door with a list that had those who did RSVP and those who did not RSVP. The ones who did not RSVP I actually wrote down the date and tme we tried to contact them to get answer. Those who RSVPed were seated first. Then those who didn’t were let in.
Post # 15
@LuvMySailor: I like it!
I’m going to be tracking people down, I have a feeling….