Post # 1
Nearly everyone in my life is married, getting married or at least dating someone… except for my three older brothers. They are all in their thirties (late, middle and early thirties) and none of them have been married or even have a girlfriend. In fact, I could probably count on one hand the number of serious relationships they’ve had.
They are all good looking guys (and I’m not just saying that because they are my brothers; they really are!), all three have hearts of gold and two of the three have college educations and steady jobs… but they just can’t seem to find a girlfriend!
The oldest and youngest don’t seem to really let it bug them, but the middle seems to reluctantly accept the fact that he’ll never find someone. I’ve tried “coaching” him and told him he needs to be more confident and actually approach women, but he’s so down on himself that he doesn’t even try.
The oldest and middle have tried dating websites with no luck.
Does anyone know someone who might be single forever? What advice do you offer these people, if any? I just want my brothers to be happy 🙁
Post # 3
Hmm where are you located, I have some friends who would be all over that! 😉
In seriousness though, yes, I do have a few friends who are in their 30s and have yet to find the one and there are one or two who I feel are going to continue to struggle, for various reasons. I think just encouraging them to get out there and get involved in new things that they enjoy — maybe a kickball team, or a volunteer group, etc. is the best thing to do. They won’t meet people unless they put themselves out there, and they may as well be doing something they enjoy to help ‘get out there’. It’s important though, to NOT be too ‘sympathetic’ in your efforts to help, because that can come across as condescending to someone who is single, when you are married or in a serious relationship. It’s a tough line, but I understand your wanting to help them and support them!
Post # 4
@MrsTillerResq: I actually wanted to stay single before I met my husband. I always had one foot out of every relationship I was in before. I used to tell my friend that I wish my boyfriends would cheat on me and save me the hassle of making up an excuse to break up with them (I was not a good girlfriend lol).
My husband was a bit different. He didn’t neccessarily want to be single, but it seemed to be his perpetual state since he didn’t frequent bars or clubs to hit on girls (he can be a bit shy). In fact, he loved playing video games and had sort of accepted the fact that he’d be single forever. His friends always told him that he would never find a girl if all he did was sit on his computer playing video games, but I think he had just given up at that point.
We met online, playing WoW. Here’s a pic of us in game
An IRL pic from our engagement shoot
Post # 5
One of my close friends has been single for almost 10 years now. She has gone on dates here and there. Honestly i think her standards are just really high and she is focused on her career. She isn’t willing to settle just to be with someone. And i think thats great! She’s awesome so why should she settle just for the company?
Post # 6
I don’t know why you need to worry about it.
I was basically single for 7-8 years with the exception of some on and off again relationships and some short 5-6 month relationships. Plenty of dates and short things.
I had no desire to be in a relationship just to be in one. I was happy being single until I met someone worth being in a relationship with.
They’re fine. If anything I would tell them to stay single and NOT settle!
Not sure why people need to be in relationships or married to be happy.
Post # 7
I was pretty much the perpetually single one for ever – it wasn’t until all my friends started getting in long term relationships/getting engaged and married that FI and I reconnected (we’ve known each other for years but have been together for just over 2).
I think there’s entirely too much pressure on singles. Let them find their own way, at their own pace.
Post # 8
@kmb727: Haha! Well, we actually all live in different states, but the middle brother will be moving closer to me so that’s great! (He’s moving from Los Angeles to Virginia; I live in South Carolina). I think that him living in LA also had a lot to do with it. He said a lot of girls there won’t even give you the time of day if you don’t have any connection to the movie industry.
@housebee: What an awesome story!! The youngest loves video games so I’ll have to mention this to him lol!
@Swizzle: I think they all have really high standards, too. It’s good they aren’t settling, but I want some nieces and nephews dammit! lol my oldest brothers goes on dates every now and then but can’t find anyone worth keeping. He actually was in a serious relationship (or what we thought was serious) a few years ago with a woman who turned out to be nothing more than a tramp and user. He got deployed to Afghanistan and she stayed with him while he was over there because he was supporting her (stupid on his part, I know) and dumped him as soon as he returned, not to mention she was sleezing around with another guy while he was deployed. I think this has led him to be a little more careful.
Post # 9
My DH’s aunt has 3 girls and 1 boy. None of them, to anyone’s knowledge, have been in relationships ever. They are all in their late 20s early 30s. I think one, it is the parents fault becuase the mom is quite nosey and like a “chaperone your date” kind of mom, and two, I think they are just too busy with their careers.
However the oldest got engaged to a man that no one has ever met and they are getting married now, so perhpas they just like to keep their relationships very, very private apparently.
Post # 10
@kes18: I worry about them because they are my brothers and I want them to be happy. They associate happiness with relationships and WANT to be married and become fathers, especially the middle one. He’s longed to be a father since he could remember.
@mrs_pudding_pop: thanks, it’s just good to know they aren’t the ONLY single ones left, haha! And that there’s still hope!
Post # 11
I was that person before FI.
I got really annoyed when people went on about it.
I got hobbies, met new people, never turned down an inviation to go out have fun with friends and eventually bumped into Mr Right. I was looking…..though not in his direction, he got me by stealth!
I have a brother and some friends still in this position. I just dont mention it but make sure they are always included in anything i oragnise to get them out there and meeting new people.
Post # 12
Although I think it’s wonderful when when my single friends meet the right person, I also would much rather that they remain single than waste their time and energy in the wrong relationships. As someone who didn’t meet the right man until I was in my mid-40s, I was far happier being single than being in relationships that were not right for me. In fact, I made a point of not dating at all (the exceptions being agreeing to go out to dinner a couple of times with two different guys who friends suggested I consider — I quickly discovered that I was interested in neither), I didn’t date anyone for almost my entire 30s. People told me that I was wasting my life and my prime child-bearing years. However, by that point, I knew the type of man I was waiting to meet, and I had no interest in getting involved in a relationship that I knew would not or could not lead to marriage. There is nothing at all wrong with being single. I have friends who are in their 40s and 50s who have never been married and are still hoping to meet the right person someday but who have zero interest in being in a relationship just to have a relationship.
Post # 13
@MrsTillerResq: Hey, I am in NC! VA is not that far!! 🙂 I definitely think he’ll have better luck in VA….I have a cousin who lives in LA, and he was in his early 40s before he married (for the first time)! And he IS in the entertainment industry! I can’t imagine trying to date in the Hollywood scene!
Post # 14
@housebee: Gotta give your DH props for winning the WOW lottery–not only were you ACTUALLY a girl (I dated a guy once who posed as a girl on WOW to get free stuff from male players), but you have a KILLER body!
OP- My DH was chronically single for years! He was just waiting to be “ready” for something serious–where he could afford a house, had his retirement started, and could support a wife and kids.
He decided he was ready in November of 2010, and we met in June of 2011! I was literally the third person he dated (and the other two never made it to exclusive status)
Post # 15
@kmb727: Haha! Well then I’ll be sure to let you know if he and I ever make a trip to NC! 😉 I can’t imagine doing anything in the Hollywood scene. I visited him last fall and everywhere we went was just chaos and people everywhere. The area itself is beautiful but no way could I live there.
Post # 16
@BrandNewBride: I keep telling one of my brothers that he’ll find someone and just to give it time but he’s so impatient lol as PP said, I would rather him find the RIGHT woman than just some woman!