Post # 1
I always wondered why people kept their pregnancies a secret until their chances for miscarriage were lower. Wouldn’t you want the support of family and friends if you had to go through something like that? This can apply to wedding planning too or anything really like if you were diagnosed with depression or trying to quit smoking. I realize it’s different for everyone so I want some of your opinions! Do you deal better on your own or with others?
Post # 3
I personally do not plan to tell of my pregnancy until I am well on my way. I for one don’t like to go through difficult times in the eyes of others. I don’t want to mourn the loss and have everyone around me asking if I’m alright and tell me they’re sorry. I’d rather pick up the pieces with just my husband and I.
Post # 4
@bowsergirl: Interesting. I can see why having people bring up the topic all the time (perhaps with bad timing) would be bothersome.
Post # 5
I’m VERY private about my personal emotions, and wouldn’t want people asking me about how I was coping after a MC (if I am ever unfortunate enough to suffer one).
That being said, I have NO self control and told everyone super early anyway!
Post # 6
@BrandNewBride: hahah I imagine I would be the same way! Congratulations on your pregnancy!
Post # 7
I like the support of others.
Post # 8
There are threads and threads here chronicling the unfortunate women who announced early and miscarried early – sure, there are also many great stories of their wonderful friends and family being there in exactly the way they need. But it wasn’t that long ago that there was a bee saying that her in-laws told them they “had” to start trying again immediately and that it was “God’s will” that they had a loss. The mother-in-law wanted play-by-play details of the miscarriage, I guess so she could compare it to one of her past miscarriages. I believe the couple in question wasn’t particularly torn up about the loss – they were a little – but the parents were trying to argue with them that they should feel a particular way about it.
In any case, that’s just one example. I’m sure the OP has had problems with these in-laws in the past, so a reaction like that isn’t out of the blue. I’m heavier and my hope is to conceal a pregnancy until I’m at least 16 weeks along.
I don’t like to grieve on a public stage. Our families don’t really ask us about kids. His brings it up periodically, but I’ve outright lied and told them we don’t want kids. It makes it easier. We’ve been trying long enough now that I can’t imagine how annoyed we’d be if the family thought we were trying – every month, they’d want an update.
Post # 9
It depends on the situation. I feel, especially with the type of family that I have, that support can be suffocating at times or not the type of support that I truly need. At the same time, I think it’s very important not to isolate yourself when you are feeling truly low and weak.