Do you like parenthood? Or is it a nightmare?

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
  • poll: My views on parenthood:
    I love it and I feel like it's my most important role : (20 votes)
    22 %
    I love it but it's not as great as I thought/hoped it would be : (6 votes)
    6 %
    It's okay. I don't particularly love it... : (2 votes)
    2 %
    It's been difficult and horrible but I will still do it again : (4 votes)
    4 %
    I completely regret becoming a parent and would choose not to be if I had the option again : (6 votes)
    6 %
    I am currently not a parent but would like to be someday : (43 votes)
    46 %
    I not a parent and do not ever plan on being one : (12 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    Three of my parent friends all say they would not do it again if they had the choice. One of them was 15 when she had her son and she says that plays a big part in her saying that she wouldn’t do it again. The other two never wanted kids, got pregnant, were too far along to have an abortion when they found out and so they have kids. They both say they will never have another. 

    There used to be a website/message board where people would talk about what being a mother is really like and how some women do regret having kids because it is so taboo in normal conversation. I’m CBC, so I guess that’s why my friends have no issues telling me they don’t like being a parent since they know I don’t want any kids of my own. 

    Post # 4
    Member
    6644 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    Being a parent is VERY HARD but I would do it again in a heartbeat in fact we are trying to have another little one as it is.  It is very rewarding and I love my little boy so much.  He can be a handful and can be very furstrating but all the hugs/kisses and smiles are so worth it

    Post # 5
    Member
    50 posts
    Worker bee

    I love my children, but it is a very hard job raising two kids alone.

    Post # 6
    Member
    62 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I am not yet a parent but I was actually thinking about this today. My grandmom has recently needed so much care from my mom and my sisters and I.  I have been going back and forth recently about whether or not I will eventually want children. Then I thought today about how if my grandmom hadn’t had my mom, she wouldn’t have all of us taking care of her and visiting her right now.  In my opinion, that makes all the hard work and stress of having a child worth it… So you have family to love and care for you when your health declines as you age. My grandfather died over 5 years ago and her siblings all passed so she really would be alone otherwise. Obviously there’s many pros and cons to having children other than that, but I hate the thought of being in old age, losing my health and being without family. 

    This doesn’t answer your original question but I was thinking about this today and thought I would share… Just my opinion 🙂

    Post # 7
    Member
    4043 posts
    Honey bee

    Not a parent yet, so I hope it’s ok if I answer. I have thought about this quite a bit before. I work at a middle school. So I see children at their best and worst on a daily basis. The children that attend the school are typically from low income, single parent families. Consequently, many of the teachers must both teach and parent the children.

    I am not a career teacher, but I do co-teach a daily art class. As an admin, I still have quite a bit of interaction with students as well. There are moments when I love being around the kids and there are moments when I think to myself, “why would I ever have children?”

    My husband is a teacher at the same school, full-time. He feels the same way. He is exhausted at the end of the day after all the energy, time and effort it takes to direct, re-direct and work with the students. Therfore, we are still undecided about children.

    I talked about this with my mother as well. She had my brother and I at 18 and 19, then my sister at 25. She admits it was very difficult, especially because my father was deployed for over half our childhood. But for her personality and life goals, she loved being a mother. She loves children so much that she is now a pre-school teacher. She actually takes neighborhood and friends kids to the zoo, movies and other fun places (though she no longer has children in her home). She unquestionably loved being a parent.

    I unfortunately am on the fence. My hope is that I would enjoy many aspects of parenting, depsite the challenges. But I also very much enjoy our current CBC life. Fortunately, we are definitely planning on being CBC for at least the next five years 🙂 

    Post # 8
    Member
    7271 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2013

    I have only been a parent for 15 days. So far it has been hard, but worth it. I just love my baby too much for it to not be worth the work.

    Post # 9
    Member
    7664 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

    Interestingly, one of my friends’ mothers advised her not to have children. She was quite a high flying engineer until she became pregnant with twins. Because she had two babies rather than just one, in addition to the older child she already had, she had to extend her maternity leave. Her husband therefore had to go looking for a higher paid job, which meant that the family had to relocate between countries many times.

    By the time she was ready to go back to work, she struggled because her industry was a fast paced one, and she would have had to retrain, she could not commit to a long term contract because of her husband’s constant relocation, and she did not have the language skills to cope easily with working in a different country. She always resented this sacrifice… she was bored and felt unappreciated as a housewife.

    My mother has also advised me to delay having children for the sake of my career. I laugh and say “what career?”. I don’t think she realises that I am one of a generation of drifters who graduated into a recession and have struggled ever since. Her generation was all about burning bras and putting careers first… and there was also a lot more economic opportunity, as well. But her generation didn’t have all the answers either. I recently spoke to an amazing woman who has dedicated her life to community activism and has travelled the world. She said that my generation were so much more switched on about what we wanted and what compromises we were willing to make in order to get it. Her generation, she said, was all about having great experiences and thinking about the family stuff later… as a result, her life had gone by and she had never had the opportunity to have children. It’s not that she regretted it, necessarily, but she wished she had stopped and thought about her options more clearly when she was younger.

    My father believes that the experience of caring for a child over a long period of time improves your character… it teaches you patience, tolerance, kindness and selflessness. Of course… so does the experience of becoming a nun, and I don’t see many people rushing out to do that. I certainly wouldn’t recommend having children solely for the purpose of self-improvement!

    I’ll comment more when I have my own kids, LOL!

    Post # 10
    Member
    577 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    Parenthood is way more difficult, frustrating, exhausting, and draining than I ever thought it would be. BUT it is also much, much more rewarding and fulfilling than I thought it would be. The amazing, wonderful things are enough to override the terrible, horrible things for me, and I plan to have more children. 

    Post # 11
    Member
    176 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I’ve only been a momma for 8 weeks now – but I can say that as much of a life adjustment as it has been, being Mommy to my little girl is the best thing in the world. I just think she is the sun, moon, and stars; she is my universe and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Having said that, I will admit that it is not always easy being responsible for another living being. It IS a lot of work! But it is all worth it. Every stinking minute.

    Post # 12
    Member
    6900 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I have loved every minute, even the less glamorous times. I’m fortunate to have had children who were and are a delight, happy and even tempered from birth. There are, of course,  some children who are a challenge from day one.   Part of that is luck and inborn personality, and while I like to think we had something to do with the wonderful young people they have become, I know that some parents face more difficulties raising their children.  Yes, it’s my most important role, as it is for my H.  What else could be more important? 

    Post # 13
    Member
    251 posts
    Helper bee

    Commenting to follow. I’m CBC and am curious to hear the thoughts of parents.

    Post # 14
    Member
    2062 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I love my son, but I don’t love being a parent. Being a parent is hard, boring, and time consuming. It’s expensive and preventative. However, I’m thinking about having another child because the love for my son makes it worth it.

    Post # 15
    Member
    2100 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: August 1993

    I love every second of it  – it’s wayyy better than I imagined!

    Post # 16
    Member
    728 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I am currently pregnant and can’t wait to be a mom. I know it is going to be hard work, but I am willing to put in the time and work needed. I am a teacher. I teach 9th grade math which is a subject that 9th graders are very resistant to learning. I feel like having a child will be a lot like teaching my students. Some days I get so tired and frustrated and I wish I had some desk job where I didn’t interact with people and other days I wouldn’t change it for the world. 

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