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Hello All,
Just wondering how many women out there are bringing in a larger income than their spouse. I make more money than my significant other and will likely continue to do so until he goes back to school. Has this had an impact on your relationship? Have you found yourself having a hard time knowing that you may need to contribute more for expenses because of this difference? I am curious because I have had my ups and downs with this at times. Sometimes wondering what it would like to be in the other position.
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my FI use to make more than me by a few K but then because of the econ, his company had cut pay instead of laying off people, so now he makes a few K less than me.
But then again if you have to put into account that I'm a lot younger than him... so when I'm his age I'll probably making a lot more than he makes at his age now.
*shrugs*
I don't really mind making more than him. Because we are in it together. ^_^ My money will be his money and his money will be my money.
You're a team now and you are spending the money to benfit both of you. ;-)
I did make more than him at one point but he recently just got a promotion so now he is on the way up! makes me so proud.
Once he gets to a certain salary 'braket' and we are stable enough to be fine with one income we will think about children and me being a stay at home mom. Thats what I want most, to stay at home and be with my child.
buuut...that said, it won't be happening for at leats 5-6 or more years! :)
My fiance makes more than me right now but it will probably even out in the future as I grow my business.
While my husband makes slightly more than me right now, we've been in the situation before where I was making more. In fact, for a 3 month stretch of time last year, I was actually completely financially supporting both of us while he looked for a new job. Obviously every couple is different, and everyone has to work out the situation to suit his/her needs, but it seems like a lot of relationship/marriage counselors out there recommend that the male in the relationship make enough to cover the household expenses. It seems that, to feel comfortable with the relationship, many women need to feel like their husbands can support both of them comfortably. Whether this actually happens or not is another story, but the books I've read and lectures I've heard usually suggest that the man's salary should be able to support the household while the woman's only goes to extra splurges and savings (even if the woman makes more).
I think it's normal to feel both positive and negative while you're going through this (hopefully temporary) time period. However, it might be a really great time for you guys to have a conversation about "what if's". What if one person loses their job, becomes disabled, wants to stay home with the kids, retires early, etc... That might make you feel a little better if you and your Fi can come to an agreement now on what will and will not make you feel comfortable in the future.
Well, I was making more money than him until he got promoted to Captain. Now we make about the same, but if you factor in his military stipend additional thingies like BAC and the extra $500 he gets when we're married, he ends up making more.
It doesn't really bother either of us, though. We're both engineers right now but I'm looking to be a manager, which we both know will pay better than his engineering job. It just means we can put away more for our kids' college funds and be able to go on vacation.
I think if we had a huge difference in how much we'd make it'd be one thing, but we'll probably stay within 5K of each other for another 10 years.
His cousin, however, only makes about half of what her FI makes. He's also an engineer. They seem to work it out all ok--they have a house and dogs and everything, but I know that I would feel bad knowing I couldn't 'contribute' as much. And she is definitely more frugal than us and does not shop at some of the pricier boutiques that I do, but I've never seen them quarrel over money. I think if you don't hold it over the other person's head you're fine. good topic, i'm curious to see what people say in case one of us gives up our well-paying jobs for "hobbies" that make significantly less.
I make more than my FI, by a lot, like 25%. It's never been an issue except for when his guy friends brag about how much they make. We both have jobs we enjoy and can afford the necessities, so it doesn't matter where the money comes from.
I make significantly more than my FI...more than double. We pay our joint expenses on a proportionate basis, which means that I pay 2/3 of it. I wish I could say that it's not a big deal and that it's all our shared money. But to be honest, it worries and bothers me, especially because we plan on having children and I don't want the pressure of having to go back to work immediately.
I make more than twice what my fiance does, and a couple of years from now I'll make more than 10x what he does. Honestly it has never been an issue. We could eventually get by on my income alone but he isn't comfortable "not contributing", I don't mind whether he works or not. The great thing is that it gives him the freedom to really find a fulfilling job that he enjoys. We really have no division of our incomes either, it just all goes into our accounts and we pay the bills we need to pay and try to save some of the rest. We are lucky though, both very laid back and neither very spendy.
paskiaq I understand what you mean...I sometimes think of that too. Another thing is that I often feel guilty asking for an equal contribution because I then feel that once I take what would cover 50% of the expenses it would leave him with little of his own spending freedom. I sometimes worry that it can make him feel like less of a man. One thing that I found to be helpful was having him pay for specific lower expenses and my paying for some of the larger ones...this way he is paying more bills and I pay fewer.(guess psychologically it makes a little difference, though cost wise I am spending more)
This wasn't an option but my Fiance makes more than me, but I work too!
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I make quite a bit more right now. He's been in grad school for mechanical engineering and I have been working for a software company. We both hope to put our degrees to use when we move, and my degree is in social work so... things will be drastically changing when we move!
My FH is a mechanical engineer working for the government....while I am a publicist working for a book publishing company sooooooo he makes a significant amount more than I do lol
I make more than he does. But, I have a car payment and student loan payments, while he doesn't. Basically, we are both broke so we can't let who makes more bother us!
I make more than my fiance and it isn't an issue for him or me. I also have my MBA, though.
I find myself in the opposite boat. Even with 2 MA degrees, I work in education so FI makes double what I do. I know he does not mind paying for more things, but sometimes it really frustrates me! I'd like to be able to pay for more or to buy him nice things. I think there are always 2 sides to every story
I've always made more than any of my boyfriends, except for a trader I dated; just how it is; the most important thing to me is character
we both contribute, when we travel we split down the middle he doesn't want to be a kept man and I don't like that idea either even though I make more
even if I make more so long as the guy is working hard and providing and loves me that's all that matters and is a good person; my brother told me to look for another doctor, makes me upset when I hear things like that; harder for me because I'm a doc, I don't like it when society judges me if I am not dating another professional; I've dated some professionals who were jerks; it's the character that's important
Our situation is kind of different so I couldn't participate in the poll. I graduated about 6 months ago (at probably the WORST time in history) and am still looking for a job. I just signed up with a temp agency so hopefully soon I'll be bringing in some sort of income. My FI has had a steady job for 3 years now (computer engineering something or other) so he makes a really good salary.
However, I came into the relationship with a lot of money. My mom has been investing for me since I was a kid. I have a portfolio, a money manager, and a heafty account. I get income from my dividends (or something like that) every month. My FI, on the other hand, has a TON of debt (school loans, mostly) and not much in savings. While he makes a good living most of it goes to his loans.
I have a feeling that while he will probably always make more than me from his job, we'll probably end up making the same once you factor in my job (whenever I get a *real* one) AND income from investments. I only have a hard time with it when something comes up around other people. I've never been some one who flaunts the fact that I have money and I don't like people to really know until they get to know ME first. It's definitely tricky being female and younger than him yet having a significantly higher amount in the bank.
I am the same age/graduated the same year as my finace (from the same college too) and I make about $20K more then he does, its just the nature of our jobs though, I happen to be in a high paying carear and he happens to not be. Its not an issue for us at all. Though it is a weird role reversal. I have been able to save a lot more for the wedding, but he also bought my ring, so it evens out in the end!
He makes a few thousand a year more than me for now. But I'm trying to get a job in the city we just moved to, so when I do, my salary will go down, as I work in DC now, so I have a big city salary vs. a small city salary. We're both okay with that.
FH has his own business, which has barely been scraping by for three years, so I'm the only one with a steady income. It makes me insane. I grew up in a very traditional environment in a different country (ladies took care of the home and the men worked) so when I moved to the states and women were expected to not only have their own careers but also contribute to taking care of the home, I was like, "....excuse me?"
I don't mind the equal split in home duties & work duties, but when he's not bringing in in very much money and not taking on more responsibility around the house because he's too busy trying to get his business to do SOMETHING, I get really, really irked.
Needless to say, I fight this internally every day. I'm just not comfortable being the one that has to make the money.
Anyone else feel like this?
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Right now I'm in school, and my student loan living expenses are about equal to his income. In a couple years, though, I will graduate and be making a LOT more than he does. Right now, I already feel like I "make" more than him, since I've always been frugal and have quite a bit of savings, so I have more of the feeling of having some disposable income. For the most part, I'm fine with it, but it does get really saddening and frustrating sometimes to never feel "taken care of." Modern, liberated woman that I am, there's still a part of me that wants to be wined and dined by my man every now and then, but that just isn't going to happen. If we go on a date, I'm the one that pays for it. I'm also jealous of the fact that he could decide to be a stay-at-home dad, and we could easily afford that, but I'd never have the option of being a stay-at-home mom.
I'm really surprised to see all these women making more money than their significant others, wow!!! I had no idea!
Where I work, all the women are teachers or stay at home wives for the most part. I know two coworkers of mine who's wives are doctors. But other than that, they are totally the breadwinners. One guy i used to work with was pretty open (even around me) about "that's the woman's job" blah boah blah. She was on their third kid at like, 26 or something. i met her once and she seemed so overwhelmed by it all! But he rubs me the wrong way
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Rhiannon - wow, I'm the same way in regards of always shelling out the money to pay for dinners and what not.
FI makes double the salary with one single job, while I'm holding down two. I end up saving a heck a lot more though. OH well.
It gets nasty when family members pop up and ends up needing $5K now and then.
Right now he technically makes more (per hour) than me, but I'm working more, so I earn more. But when we both have graduated from university, I'll be making quite a bit more than him (I'm going to be a nurse, and he's going to be a computer monkey -- some kind of programmer or [white/red hat, aka working for the government/police] hacker). Because of this, when we decide to have kids, I'll probably take as much maternity leave I can get (1 year, wahoo for Canada!) and then he'll be a stay-at-home (and work-at-home) dad. I'll be the breadwinner, and he'll provide supplemental income. =) I'd probably prefer it the other way, but if I'm honest I do like the fact that we'll be going against the norm!
Wow! Impressive ladies! Since I am an attorney and my fiance is a writer, I always figured I would make more so it is no big deal. He has been unemployed for over four months, and that has been tough, but I am lucky that he is secure enough in his manhood to let me pay the bills without it affecting his ego. :)
He makes more than I do by about 15K a year, but he has over 15K a year more debt than I do, so I have WAY more spending $$$ and that is exactly what I do with it-SPEND!!!
He makes significantly more than me, but I'm still in school AND 8 years younger than him. In our twenties, that makes an enormous difference in work experience and pay grade. My intended industry has a higher salary cap than his, so I may one day earn more than he does. I'd be content making less or more than him, but I do look forward to being able to actively contribute to our finances in a meaningful way.
I just finished grad school and won't officially start working until August (receiving my first paycheck in September- can't wait!), so currently, he makes more than me...a lot more. Once I start work, I will make around 8K more than his current salary. If I chose to work in a different setting, I would make around 25-40K more, but I think I will like what I chose. If not, I guess I'll change, or take on some hours setting to supplement. We'll see soon!
I'm going for a second degree... so, besides doing 30ish hours w/ 17 credits each semester... I think I'm actually coming out negative w/ loans. lol... 
He is going to med school w/ a NAVY scholarship... so, the signing bonus and stipend on top of his PT Best Buy job... He wins.
He'll be a pediatric cardiologist and I'll be a registered dietitian... he'll win then too. Grr... lol... I feel like a leech!
I'm finishing fellowship in July and will significantly increase my salary. At that point, I'll be making nearly double what he makes... but he's relatively new to the work force and on his first "real" job. I guess I'll be on my first "real" job too, come to think of it!
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On paper we make the exact same amount. However, he's got the insurance and retirement coming out of his paycheck, while mine (I work a long-term temp job) is unpilfered except for taxes/SS. So money-in-the-pocket wise, I make more, and thus pay most of the bills/buy groceries/pay at outings, but he still handles big things like rent and the car payment. I have had people look at me funny when we go somewhere together and it is me that pulls out the debit card for the movie tickets or the dinner, and I know it bugs him that he makes so little after his many deductions. But I know that ultimately, it doesn't matter who gets to throw around the plastic more, because I know health insurance is SO difficult to get a good deal on and he actually has a very nice plan that while expensive on his paycheck, is not as bad as it could be.
ive always made more than most men ive worked with/been involved with so its nothing new for me. yes i make more than my FI and to be honest, he doesnt have a clue how much i make (i do his taxes so i know everything about him)
his salary is the responsible bills, house, investment stuff and mine is the fun, holidays, big boys toys stuff... we've got a nice balance between us so everything is covered
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I can't believe how many of you ladies are the major breadwinners! Good for you. I'm definitely in the minority here.
I'm an artistic, flighty, yoga lover. I have a BA in Business Admin specializing in finance. I doubt I'll ever use it unless I'm forced to through FI illness, accident, divorce or any event out of my control. Currently I decorate & sell cakes for a living and I just started teaching a fitness class at a gym 5 hours a week. I will always work though... I couldn't stay at home. I'd get too stir crazy!
When I started looking for a FH I made sure he had the earning potential to allow me to continue with my creative, offbeat ways lol. And even more importantly, I found one that supports & encourages my flightiness. I'm Dharma (I'm not a hippy though!) & he's Greg. Seriously.
He has 2 degrees + a law degree. No matter what I do, even if I worked in finance, I will never have the earning potential he does.
With that being said-- I am still in control of the finances. When we got engaged he handed everything over to me & said "Good. Now you can deal with it!" He's a secretary kind of guy who pretty much finds little tasks like paying bills & googling anything is an annoyance. lol okay so I am using that degree to some extent. It works for us.
I make more than him..... I'm in a sales career and am compensated on how hard I work, so my bonus can bring in quite a bit more each month (even though his base pay is higher than mine). We are still struggling a bit with how to merge our finances once we get married.... right now we are paying 50-50 on all the bills, and I have more debt than him. Somtetimes he runs out of money and I transfer him $ (or put it in the joint savings for him to "borrow" from), but it feels like I'm mothering him - not like a partnership, that way. I honestly don't care about money, I don't care if he "owes" me, I just want us to be happy!! :)
My FI is a poor surgery resident so right now I make more than double what he makes. But in a few years, he will be making more than me.
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Right now he makes slightly more than me. But a few years ago I made slightly more than him, his company just gives bigger raises.
Right now, I make a lot more than him at my full time job. But he only works part-time right now. If you bring it down to hourly rate, we make almost the same. But I also work two jobs, while he doesn't. I have a degree, he's still working on his.
It takes a huge toll on our relationship sometimes. I know he feels like he's not doing his part to take care of me (and mostly I don't care), but sometimes I get really frustrated paying all the bills. For the first time in my life, I have a career that pays okay...and I'm putting my entire paycheck into our bills (not saving) because his job doesn't cover much. I get the "mothering" feeling sometimes, especially when he goes broke because he spends on something crazy. (Um...why exactly did you buy a new power tool when we haven't paid the water bill yet?)
I just keep telling myself that it's a team effort and it doesn't matter who brings home the bacon. But some days...it just sucks.
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My DH used to be my coworker when we met, so we were making roughly the same amount. He since had to switch jobs (so that we can move in together and avoid conflict of interest) and his career has progressed much faster than mine has.
It's hard sometimes being in similar fields and watching the salary gap widen, but I am incredibly proud of him and his accomplishments!
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My fiance is in grad school and currently has no income. When he is finished, he will make more than I do!
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