Post # 1
Posting this topic anonymously. I am wondering how many bees think it’s okay for their FI/SO to stare at other women in front of you. I totally get that men are “visual” creatures, but I think it’s so disrespectful to do it in front of your SO. This has been a major problem for me and my Fiance on and off in our relationship. I recently noticed his dad is the exact same way and tends to zone off in the direction of other women right in front of his mom. It seriously makes me sick to my stomach!
I really don’t want to come off sounding conceited, but I think I am very attractive and a pretty confident person. However, the second I see my Fiance look at someone else it makes me feel awful. I know it’s not healthy to feel this way, but he really is the only person that I care about finding me attractive. I get lots of unwanted attention from men pretty much every day and it disgusts me when they stare. I have tried to confront the issue and when I ask him what he is looking at he always gets defensive and denies doing anything.
I know some women are of the opinion that it’s something you need to accept. I just find it hard to believe that men cannot control themselves when they are with their SO.
On the flip side, a couple weeks ago we were watching a TV show with a very attractive actor and I commented on his good looks and Fiance kind of got jealous! So he can stare at real women in front of me and expect me not to get upset, but I can’t make a comment about an actor that I will never meet?
Now i’m rambling but I would love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
Post # 3
staring, no. looking, glancing, fine.
commenting on another woman’s looks vs flat out staring. I wouldn’t be okay with the latter
Post # 4
Looking, noticing, and appreciating members of the opposite sex is normal and healthy. Staring, not so much. I would feel weird about staring, but don’t care about looking.
Post # 5
No, I would find it amusing, but he never does. I, on the other hand, love looking at pretty people in general, men or women.
Post # 6
Agree with @strawbs. It’s one thing to glance and notice. we’re all human. But to sit there staring and zoned out – not ok. it’s like they’ve never seen a woman before, really? and in that case, doesn’t matter if he’s with his SO or not. staring to that extent is not ok.
on the flip side, if I was the woman being stared at like that, I would be creeped out.
Post # 7
Glance? Nope. But stare?? Haha, no I am not okay with that. Its not something I would start a fight over, but I think it is really rude and disrespectful. If it was a habit then I think it would eventually give me a little bit of a complex.
Post # 8
@strawbs: Agree. Staring is weird and creepy!!
Post # 9
Considering that I, too, appreciate the visual qualities of an attractive woman… I don’t care if he looks. I’ve been known to point out particularly attractive girls to him for an assessment. *shrug* Approaching them? Touching them? Hell no. But looking doesn’t bother me.
Post # 10
checking out another girl or pointing out that she’s pretty? Yeah whatever, I don’t care. But ZONING OUT like you’re describing? That’s pretty shitty behaviour, both towards the woman he’s gawking at, and towards you.
Post # 11
Staring to the point of zoning out? Definitely not OK. But like others, I’m fine with looking.
Post # 12
I think its in everyones nature to look at an attractive person. But, long dragged out staring, now thats odd! esp if hes doin it in front of you. I would def talk to him about it.
Post # 13
Sure, why not? He can look at the menu, he just can’t order off of it.
Post # 14
That would bother me, luckily my Fiance doesn’t do that while I’m around! If he did, I would tell him it upset me and ask him to stop.
Post # 15
Couldn’t care less. We point out attractive women/men out to each other all the time if we are out and about (for some reason I point out more than he does ha!). Watch porn together, I tell him about my favourite pornstars (male and female) and he does with me as well, as well as showing each other our favourite videos. We’ll both go ‘oooooo damn’ if someone attractive is on screen (actress etc). No big deal for us here. Though neither of us will go and actively approach/touch another woman/man etc. Staring/gawping is weird in BOTH of our books though.
Post # 16
Yeah, looking is fine but staring in front of you is totally disrespectful. Just because men are visual creatures by and large doesn’t mean that they can’t control themselves enough to be respectful of their partners! It would be one thing if it didn’t bother you, but because it does, he should really try to be sensitive to that. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable thing for you to ask.