Post # 1
This was provided in another thread and it’s very interesting. It poses the question, do you need to be in love to get married? It almost reminds me of arranged Indian marriages. They last a while and those couples rarely meet.
They are still together 11 years later so they made it work. Do you think people can learn to love and care for each other while in the marriage or should they already be in love for it to work?
Post # 3
People in arranged marriages stay together because they dont have a choice. Those cultures usually dont really give much option for divorce and remarrying. So they already have that mindset that they have to make it work, this makes them endure alot of things that most of us would get divorced over.
To answer the question I think you do need love to get married, but love on its own is not enough, you also need the right mind set and the ability to compromise, pick your battles and keep your problems to yourselves.
Post # 4
I think theoretically arranged marriages can work in the right environment. However, I think it’s a disaster to try it in some cases. My cousin knew a girl who was married off and moved several states away right after she graduated high school. Their marriage lasted about a year, which is actually pretty good considering how it started!
I think if neither partner has an ‘out’ they might end up in love or just liking each other, but it seems pretty silly to start out like thatin most cases.
Post # 5
@bells: I have a friend from Pakistan and he lives here in America. His parents set him up with a girl he never met and they are still married 7 years later. It wasn’t like they were in Pakistan where they didn’t have options, but I think they view marriage different where divorce isn’t an option at all. Like they don’t go into their marriage thinking that if something doesn’t work out, they can get divorced.
Post # 6
I personally feel you need to be in love to get married. Although I’m sure some get married hoping marriage will make things better, they’ll learn to love eachother, etc.
Post # 7
No, I don’t think love is a necessity for marriage.
Post # 8
Anyone watch When Harry Met Sally?? Some couples have a song, me and my SO have a movie. This reminds me of when the asian couple is doing their interview and he talks about how he sneaked into his brides village to peek at her before the wedding.
Post # 9
I couldnt imagine marrying someone without being in love. However, things are done very differently in other cultures. We have friends who are Albanian. I dont know if arranged marriages are common in their culture but there are a few members of their family who were arranged. They seem to love eachother very much… now (however I can’t understand a damn word this guys wife says so she very well could be crying out for help with a smile on her face).
Post # 10
My best friend’s parents marriage was arranged and she says that they love and care for each other alot. She’s talked to her mom about this and her mom said that their love grew over time.
Post # 11
@Miss Tattoo:I think people marry for various reasons. Love is not a must for everyone. I love my SO deeply but I am interested in marrying him because I like him as a person. He cracks me up, I sincerely enjoy being around him. Compatibility and feasibility are important to me. Love comes and goes. Our divorce rate in America lets you know you can be in “love” today and hate his fucking guts in a year. Excuse my french, that was so unladylike of me:0) That was for you Miss Tatoo;0)
Post # 12
Do I? Yes. Does one? Not necessarily, depends on the person.
I had a friend in college who had an arranged marriage. His parents asked her parents about a wedding, her parents asked her what she thought about it. She went on three dates with him to decide, they got married and are quite happy. I’m absolutely sure they did not love each other after three dates, but they do now.
Post # 13
@Soladylike: I think American’s have the mindset that “Oh well, if it doesn’t work out then I can get divorced and do it again.” I mean it seems like we are the only country with prenups. And what is a prenup? “This will happen if we get divorced.” It’s like you are starting the marriage trying to protect yourself if it doesn’t work out instead of thinking that divorce is not going to be an option.
I think Will Smith and Jada actually had it in their vows that “divorce is not an option.” and they are one of the longest married celeb couples.
Post # 14
Are they together because they made it work? Or are the still together because they feel like they have no other social option? There’s a big difference.
I’ve seen a couple marriages where the people aren’t in love. It isn’t pretty. It obviously isn’t a scientific sample size, but I am glad that it is not something I have to experience.
Post # 15
there is a woman sitting about 12ft outside my office door that had an arranged marriage, ive known her for almost 7yrs and i believe her marriage is now one of love – it may not have always been but they are happy, in love, support each other, share the same aspirations for their future and their child
i think you can have a successful marriage without passionate love but if it has respect and each person obtains a sense of companionship from it then i dont see why it cant be successful.
Post # 16
I would think it would help.