Post # 1
I am a student (law school) and don’t have a lot of money, but I want to propose to my girlfriend. I’m getting a decent tax refund this year and I’ll make up for the difference with my cost-of-living student loan money.
My budget is $3,500-ish and the setting that GF and I have chosen for her clocks in at just over $2000. That left me with only $1500 for a diamond. She doesn’t want anything huge (we were looking for a .60-ish size) and I know that she’s not really knowledgeable or picky about diamonds, but I still feel bad for not being able to spend more money and get her something nicer. (I’ve thought about diamond substitutes like moissanite, but I don’t think we want to go that route.)
I did buy a diamond today — .61 carats, H color, SI1, excellent cut (hearts and arrows) for $1450 (bought it wholesale) — but it’s EGL USA certified and not GIA, so I’m worried that the specs may not be accurate. It’s a really pretty diamond and she loves it (we went shopping together), so I know I shouldn’t feel worried or guilty or anything, but I feel like she deserves so much more. Which is totally stupid because she doesn’t actually care.
Anybody else feel like that?
Post # 3
@hgwells: I completely got you with the whole budget thing, but beautiful things don’t have to be expensive to be invaluable. The love and care you have for her is something she’d marry you for without a stone at all. And be easy, EGL USA is a lot more strict than they used to be. Either the color may be a shade closer to I, or the clarity a touch closer to SI2, but a hearts and arrows will sparkle so much nobody will notice the flaws. Its the same when talking about a girl. She may have such an amazing personality and smile you look at her like she’s flawless because you don’t notice anything that would interrupt her charm. If you feel this way in 10 years when you are a big shot lawyer instead of a student, pay off your loans, buy a house, and get her an upgrade for an anniversary. Do whatever you can…that’s always enough!
Post # 4
FH feels guilty that he couldn’t afford a diamond when he proposed. It was important to him that I have one, but we knew that we wouldn’t be able to afford one for a while. We went with a moissanite because it was $800. Personally, I don’t think he should feel guilty because we picked the ring together.
If your girlfriend loves it, then that’s what matters!
Post # 5
@hgwells: with EGL the advice I got from Pricescope and while shopping is that it is usually graded 2 higher than GIA. Ex: H color is closer to J. I noticed that the EGL diamonds were less than the GIA stones of a similar grade. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that though. I think she should be happy.
Post # 6
She won’t care and if she deserves it, she will love it. I was so proud of the ring my FI got me, because he did his best.
Post # 7
You are both happy with the ring. You put in an effort to get her something special (that’s what we ladies really care about…that you, our future husband, cared) and you succeeded! You have nothing to feel guilty about!
Good luck with the proposal!
Post # 8
I’ll probably get flack for this, but I’m sort of upset at my DH for not saving to afford a better ring. In my defense, he didn’t put anything thought into the 4Cs when purchasing, at all, and ended up getting me a very small (.36tcw, cluster), cheap-ish ring from a brick-and-mortar store. On top of that, by the time he proposed the first time, we had been together a few weeks shy of 9 years, so it sort of hurt(s) that he didn’t even bother to think about putting $ aside to put towards my ring in all those years.
Don’t get me wrong, he proposed (twice–with the same ring–but that’s a whole different story), now we’re married, and I’m happy with my ring… but, it’s not at all like anything I pictured.
As for your situation, based on what you’ve said about your GF, her tastes, and the setting/diamond you’ve purchased, I think you’ll be okay.
Post # 9
@brighteyedgirl: You situation sounds different though. Sounds like you were unimpressed by your husband’s lack of effort/concern about the ring. My feelings would be hurt too. OP seems to be taking the ring pretty seriously. I’d just feel joy 🙂
Post # 10
Honestly to plenty of people a diamond is a diamond. People who are doing tons of research and on wedding sites will care about the specs and all that but it doesn’t sound like your girlfriend will. So you got her exactly what you want within your budget, nothing to feel bad about at all!
Post # 11
@brighteyedgirl: This is kind of the other side of what I was getting at. You care about the research and the 4Cs and all that, but all his girlfriend seems to have a preference for is the size, which he was able to get what she wanted.
Not to say that your side is wrong, I actually totally get you. I am more on your side of things and getting a good deal and doing the research was important to me. But I don’t think everyone has to be that way.
Post # 12
@hgwells: Don’t feel bad!! I think it is sooo sweet that you care! Most guys don’t seem to think twice about the ring. lol. When DH and I were ring shopping we had to settle because of budget and we bought a set knowing fully that we would upgrade later. I picked a ring that we got “most bang for our buck” and I wore it for about 2.5 years before we were able to upgrade and I finally got what I really wanted. No regrets at all! Oh and BTW, the stone you picked sounds like it is beautiful!! I would not worry about the cert as long as she loves it, that is what matters!
Post # 13
Guilty? No. our budget was around 6,000, I adopted for a lower budget ring, that had everything I was looking for. The band & ering are 14k white gold, with 32 small diamonds total.
I couldn’t justicy spending 6,000 on a ring at this point in our lives, even though fi wanted to! If he had his way, I would have at least a 2 carat rock. But the way I see it is : 1. My ring would be more than my car, that’s silly. 2. Nobody I know owns anything bigger than a 1 carat weight TOTAL for both rings, despite high incomes. 3. I would rather apply the rest of that money towards our wedding day. We are getting married ONCE. and only once. I have the rest of my life to upgrade my ring if we see it fit.
Post # 14
Don’t worry 🙂 you can always upgrade it down the road! You’re very sweet for your thoughts.
Post # 15
@brighteyedgirl: No flack from me- I generally think of myself as a not-overly-materialistic person but I think even I would feel some disappointment if my ring didn’t live up to what I had envisioned. Especially after such a long relationship… we are at almost 7 years and after “waiting” for so long I feel no shame in wanting something that takes my breath away.
I am glad SO involved me in the ring process… I don’t think he would have put all that much thought into it either.
Post # 16
Nope, not for a moment. I have quite a small diamond – .15 carats – and I picked out my ring. I didn’t even want to spend as much as I did.
It’s just not about the ring in my head. I don’t attach as much importance to it, which I think is a good thing because I’ve seen countless cases of women almost ruining their relationships over expectations for a piece of jewelry.