Post # 1
Yesterday I was helping my bf clean out his old bedroom. He hadn’t gone through his old stuff since he moved, a few months after ending things with his ex..his other serious relationship before me (he was planning on getting engaged to her but they broke up before he asked) anyway while cleaning he came across a love “coupon book” she made, a cutsey handmade birthday card with a novel written inside..a couple valentines stuffed animals, a photo coffee mug and a long “secret admirer” note. He glanced at the items but promptly said we need to get a garbage bag in here ASAP. He didn’t try to hide the items from me, idk if that’s good or bad. I mean atleast his attitude wasn’t you can’t go in there till I go through it!! And he warned me before starting that he hadn’t touched anything in 3 years. He threw away the paper items but kept the mug..pushed it to the back of a shelf and promptly covered it up with other items. He also kept the stuffed animals cuz they’re cute and he “couldn’t bring himself to throw them away.” I’ll admit I’m kinda bothered he kept some of her stuff…is that stupid? I mean I know he’s over her, it was 3 years ago she lives a state away now and is engaged. I have nothing to worry about. I just wish he would have shattered the mug into a million pieces and donated the stuffed animals..
how would you bees feel about this? Please share any stories 🙂
ps. Except for old prom pictures and an expensive charm bracelet I don’t wear I have nothing from my exes..so I’m not being a hypocrite of him.
Post # 3
@S_loves_C: Call me jealous, but I wouldn’t be cool with keeping any of his ex’s gifts. period. I haven’t kept anything from my exes because, well, they’re exes for a reason. I have no feelings for them now, so why would I want to be reminded of them?
Post # 4
At one point or time he loved her a lot I would respect his decisions on this.
Post # 5
@S_loves_C: I wouldn’t be okay with DH having a sentimental item like a mug or teddy bear but I don’t care about other items. I was organizing our closets and mentioned that I liked a shirt and he said oh I need to get rid of that an ex got it for me, I told him to keep it it looked great on him! He looked relieved lol
Post # 6
I have no problem with it. It helped them to be who they are today. I have a box full and my SO has his too. Just memories.
Post # 7
i have a necklace that an old boyfriend gave me. it’s somewhere in my old room at my parents’ house.
my husband has 2 blankets that belonged to an ex-girlfriend. i think she left them behind in his room (when he lived in the barracks) and he just ended up keeping them. i pulled one out to use in our guest room a few weeks ago and my husband was like, “did i tell you where that blanket came from?” and when i said no and made a few wrong guesses, he was like, “you’re gonna wanna burn it when i tell you…it used to be so-and-so’s. and that other blanket too.”
he’s not sentimental about them and if i wanted to get rid of them he’d be fine with it. but i don’t really care. it’s not like he sleeps with them every night, so it’s whatever.
Post # 8
I have a scrapbook of cards/notes from a previous relationship buried in a box somewhere and stored at my parents’ house. I never look at it but I have a difficult time getting rid of it as it was my “first love” relationship and I put so much effort into making the damn thing!
DH doesn’t care that I have it because he understands that I don’t keep it because I want that person/time back, but moreso as a reminder of my youth. I have a vague idea of one day showing it to a daughter of mine if her first serious relationship fails, to show her that there are things beyond those first loves. I didn’t believe I would ever find love again, and I then I found DH who my feelings for surpass anything I have ever felt before. I’d like her to have that hope.
ETA: Everything else from previous relationships (ie. jewelry, stuffed animals, etc.) I’ve sold or donated
Post # 9
I have jewelery my exes gave me, I have stuffed animals, cards, photos, a couple dresses, some minor nick-nacks.
I think it’s no big deal. Why act like the relationship never happened or never existed? After all, they’re with you and not their ex.
ETA: I have a diary that I wrote in specifically for “the love of my life” (or so I thought). Originally my husband and I were going to read it together and laugh, but he deployed and we moved 1,200 miles and it kinda got left by the wayside. I’m not exactly sure what happened to that diary.
Post # 10
i have things from my X and my fi is ok with that , im not sure if he has any thing from is x gf but it wouldnt bother me to much .
Post # 11
@S_loves_C: hmm. I’m on the fence. I have a lot of stuff that *came from* an ex, but don’t really *remind* me of him. Like, the shirt I wore today. It’s a good bum-around-the-house shirt and the only one I have of my favorite baseball team. It’s gotten me tons of compliments and I love it because it’s comfortable. But I don’t sit around in it all day thinking “Oooh my ex, my ex, I miss my ex,” No.
Additionally, I have movies and CD’s my ex and I bought together, but I like them for their own qualities. I like Blind Melon because I love the bee song. And I love Smashing Pumpkins because I had a huge crush on Billy Corgan’s voice. I sing Violent Femmes at karaoke every time not because I’m thinking of my ex, but because I love Blister in the Sun and it matches my pitch *perfectly!*
So, to wrap this up, I think if you’re holding onto something of an ex’s because it makes you think of them then that is a no-no. But if you hold onto something of an ex’s because you genuinely like that product for what it is and nothing more, then I don’t think there’s an issue.
Post # 12
When we were dating my DH wanted a photograph of me to put in a nice frame. I found out later on that he had had it with his previous girlfriend with a photo of her in it (don’t think she bought it though!) Theyd split up a few years before we got together so her photograph had been out of it for a while. I think it would have been weird if her photo had come out and mine had gone in!
i don’t know how I’d feel really if he had things from her…he might do, I don’t know. I suppose the way I see it is it was a chapter in his/her life and we all like to keep little things from different parts. I think if they kept on constantly looking at it…that would be weird. But I know I like to look at old work I’ve done and reminisce – once in a blue moon!
Post # 13
Both my husband and I have a few things from exs. He’s got a box containing all the love letters, I’ve got a box with random little things, a couple of toys, a t-shirt that was an exs etc.
I don’t mind, I’ve read many of his letters and some are beautiful. I feel that just because you are in a relationship, it doesn’t mean your past life didn’t happen. I have very fond memories of some exs – christ, two of them came to the wedding!
Post # 14
I have gotten rid of everything from exes. My husband doesn’t have anything from his either. The only thing that bothers me is that he still has them on his Facebook. They don’t keep in contact, but it still makes me uncomfortable. I’d be bothered if he kept something of sentimental value like your guy did.
Post # 15
@S_loves_C: I have tons, as does he, but we are each others ex’s. It’s sweet looking back at valentines from high school even though we broke up twice between then and now.
Post # 16
Meh. I have a few things, mostly long zapped of all meaning as does he. I’m not the that likes to get rid of things that are still useful. As for lovey little momentos – I don’t have any of those. Mostly I’ve always prefered practical mementos (a shirt he loved that I swiped, a hat, a coffee mug) I just consider them useful little breakup bonuses.