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can you have the reception in a club's reception area or private room? that way you can have great food and a great party as well? i think if you really always wanted dancing you may regret not having it...
i feel like you're the only one who can answer that question, because you know what your priorities are. i'm going to have a small wedding, but my reasons are a little different. personally i don't like the whole big traditional wedding thing, i hate dancing, and saving money is just a very large perk. so no, i won't regret it. but maybe you could do some sort of comprimise and do a semi small wedding and still have the dance, just on a tight budget.
We had a small-ish wedding. 75 people total. We don't regret it one bit, however, that's what we both wanted from the beginning.
Even with 75 people, it felt like a lot! I'm not one for being in the spotlight, and I remember it was overwhelming at times. Even getting around to 75 people at the reception was tough. I can't imagine how people do it with over 100 guests.
But we had a lot of guests tell us after the wedding that it was the perfect size. They said they understand why people having big weddings sometimes, but it's also overwhelming for the guests, too, when there's too many people.
So I would say, yeah, it's definitely worth it to cut your guest list for money reasons. I don't think you'll regret it because honestly, you don't spend a lot of time with people and you probably won't even miss your third cousin or whoever.
Ya know, to be more specific this is what I really wanted.... I wanted to rent a nice event home down in the outer banks and have all our close friends and family there. I love this idea. It's just a big party in a really cool house on the beach. No dj/band, no decorations, no cake, no mother/father dance, no dance floor (our friends aren't much of the dancing type 
). Just the bare essentials: food, drink, family/friends, ipod...oh, and a good photographer, i forgot that's one thing that is really important to me. Doesn't sound like it would be too expensive, but after crunching numbers we're talking close to 18,000 minimum (the biggest expense is the weekly rental of the beach house, which is around 7000). We have the money, it's just that the thought of spending that much makes me hyperventilate! I want to own a home one day and spending close to 20,000 would just push the home buying process waaaay far away. I'm comfortable spending like.. 6,000 (how the hell do ya do that?? Not sure yet, but I'm determined that it can be done!!).
Do I say, "screw it, this is what will make us happy and this is what we want so we just do it", or do we have a little dinner reception at a nice BYOB that I could possibly regret later?
why are you renting it for a week? why not rent it say on a friday and have the rehearsal dinner there friday night the wedding saturday a brunch sunday and then you and your hubby stay there for five uninterrupted days as part of your honeymoon? then it seems more justifiable you know?
I can't WAIT to plan mine! Mine will be 50 people or less. And I'm thrilled! We can use the money to decorate a bit more than usual, and throw one heckuva party! Sure, in the end we'll save alot compared to what we would have spent if we had 100 plus guests but the reason we want an intimate wedding?
Cause it's intimate! Because it will be only those who love us and it will be so special. No friends of a friend. Just those closest to us. And it will be more fun too imho!
Check out one of my other fave sites for amazing inspiration for intimate weddings. They've had quite a few where they got married somewhere and had the reception at a chic restaurant. Some great ideas over there. Who know, you might just get really super exited like I am!!!
Congratulations and best wishes! This could be a huge blessing in disguise!
www.intimateweddings.com Check it out!
Hi Miss Sheva!!
Our was small (70 ppl) due to economic reasons, but not simple at all! They aren't mutually exclusive! :) And no, I don't regret it. If anything, I wish I had made the guest list even smaller!
But I have to say, I got everything I wanted (we paid for the majority of it ourselves, as well - cash - no debt) even on a 5k budget. I wanted a unique venue, a fun wedding, a beautiful dress, and an eclectic wedding. I got them all!! :)
FI and I thought long & hard about a big wedding before we made our decision. I thought I'd regret it but only you know what you truely want. We have friends who were married 2 years ago in a civil ceremony then had a HUGE 1yr anniversary party that was basically a reception. Since it was an "anniversary party" not a "wedding reception" everything was way cheaper - venue, photog (less hours), vendors, no bridal party, she wore an awesome dress (not a gown) etc. No joke, we thought about it.
I regret it 100%- yes! We had a TINY ceremony with just our parents and siblings and went to dinner at a nice restaurant afterwards. I was so disappointed I cried. It was a total letdown and did not feel one bit special. It just felt like having dinner with parents. I didn't even have a dress or a cake. 6 months later I am still bummed beyond belief and regret it every minute of the day. Have the wedding YOU dreamed of, within budget, and you will be glad you did. Wanting a wedding doesn't mean you're financially irresponsible or anything- there is nothing wrong with wanting a party to celebrate the best thing that ever happened to you! Please for your own good I beg you not to do the "tiny ceremony with nice restaurant afterward" thing like I did!!
MissSheva... Like Crebre said, why a week? Heck no, girl! The house we're having our RD at rents for $10,000+ a week... we are getting it for one night! (Though they're friends of my FILs, so I doubt we're actually paying anything... but the rate would be like $600.) Or what about that being your honeymoon? Kick everyone else out and voila, you've got a honeymoon, too.
I think you should have the wedding you want. What you're describing doesn't sound too much different from what your FI wanted, and I think that you will regret it if you don't have something like what you want. I recommend talking to the homeowner, btw, or trying to find the house on vrbo.com/homeaway.com/vacationrentals.com to see if it's any cheaper (the house we usually rent is $800 cheaper a week, for a $2100 house, on vrbo! WE JUST FOUND OUT! GRR!) without the rental company being involved. If you talk to the homeowners... DO NOT MENTION AN EVENT! Mention it being a family trip or a honeymoon. :)
Good luck!
It sounds like you already know the answer to this- which is that you want the wedding you always planned on, and will regret going the other routes. I regret mine- I also did a small private ceremony with dinner at a restaurant after, just to make my husband happy. It was nothing at all that I wanted and I regret every bit of it. I never got to walk down the aisle, cut the cake, or dance with my dad. As I'm an only child, my parents were crushed with disappointment. You can definitely have a nice wedding for $6k. Trust me- I also thought I was non-traditional, but this is one tradition/custom that I am so sad I missed out on, and can never do over. Yes we saved some money, but in the long run we don't have those special memories of the "big day", and I would not suggest going this route to anyone.
Seems like if all you want is a house party you can pull this off without having to spend $18K. I had looked at renting beach houses early on for my wedding but ran into the same problem you did which was that a lot of places will only rent to you in one week increments. Not sure if it might be more flexible in the off-season and they might consider weekends.
Another option would be to consider rentals away from the beach - like the mountains - usually you can get these for a weekend. You can also cut back on expenses by making the food yourself (with the help of some famly and friend) and just buying a bunch of bottles of alcohol from Costco.
Good luck!
I think you have to ask youself, what kind of wedding do you want.
For us, a small wedding works. My family is located all over, and FI's along the eastern seaboard. So if we had a Philly wedding (where we currently live), the church pews would be overcrowed on his side and maybe all have a brave soul sitting by themselves on my side. It paints a sad image, however that really bothered me.
With a small wedding I am able to control the guest list, and I know those people are truley the ones that care about us as a couple. I am not worring about where great aunt on FIs side is going to sit, b/c she doesn't like this family member and blah, blah. I don't have to invite my "friends" who just like weddings for the free booze. We get 100% control!!
Also a point to keep in mind, the small the list the more you can do with your budget! You won't have so many mouths to feed.
@Miss Sheva - what you're describing in the outer banks is my dream wedding. I couldn't convince anyone else of it though (parents, Lambster, etc). I actually worry about just the opposite of you - that I'll look back and say, "Wow, it wasn't worth all that money and heartache."
I have to say that we discussed this, and we ended up doing the HUGE wedding (300+ guests attended). I have to say that I don't regret it one bit. It was an awesome party, and people are still talking about it 2 years later. So...I'm on the opposite side, saying that I chose the big wedding, and it was worth it.
I never post, but I have to chime in on this one!
We had a tiny wedding 5 years ago -- 10 people, including us and the JOP. I don't regret it at all -- but it was what I truly wanted. Maybe it's not for you though... I was just not into the whole big production, and it certainly made a whole lot more sense financially at the time. I know now that I would have regretted spending the money a lot more.
If you go this route purely to save money, be sure to make it special. Plan it like a bigger wedding, cover all the bases. We went to a small island on a ferry, had a cake made, I got a dress, got my hair done etc. I would definitely take the time to spend a LITTLE money on those types of things. A photographer for example. Make it stand out!
Good luck :)
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Hello Ladies!
Do tell... for those of you who had a very small, simple wedding for financial reasons, do you regret it? I ask because we do not want to spend gobs of our hard earned money on the wedding (we our paying by ourselves) and the boy had mentioned maybe having a simple ceremony and reception to follow at a nice restaurant. He was all for it. I have always said that I want our wedding to be a big fun party. Guests, food, drink, done. That's what truely matters to us. We aren't the traditional types. HOWEVER, I worry that after all is said and done I will regret not having the "wedding of my dreams" (within monetary reason) and going another route to save as much money as possible.
So I ask, did you regret sacrificing what you truely wanted in your day for the money? Or are you so glad you did sacrifice your wants because in the long run that one day doesn't really matter that much? HELP! I would love some perspective. I'm afraid I'll look back on my wedding day and wish i'd done it differently.