Do You Resent Your Fiance?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2126 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@jtaylor18:  Nope! As soon as he proposed, all the negative feelings of waiting just vanished. It was SO much better to have a proposal and a ring from a man who I knew was making this choice on his own and who was 1000% ready. I think I would probably resent myself if I had pushed him into proposing sooner (and he probably would too).

I know it’s easier said than done (I’ve been there), but try and relax and enjoy your relationship as it is. I promise you, it is absolutely worth every minute of waiting – we were both SO happy when we got engaged and we still are 4 months later.

Post # 4
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Nope because I did not have to wait long.  He actually proposed sooner than I thought he was going to.

Post # 5
Member
1666 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

@jtaylor18:  No.

I waited 6 years for him to propose. At the time it was incredibly difficult to deal with, but I wouldn’t change a thing because he asked when he truly felt ready for that step. All that matters is we love each other and are ready to start a new chapter in our lives together.

Edit: Just realized that I said I waited 6 years. I didn’t. We were together for 6 years before he asked – I was waiting for maybe 2 or 3 of them. Lol!

 

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@jtaylor18:  I don’t resent him because we both decided that it was the right time to get married. He took his time proposing, which did make me feel resentful since it was so unlike our usual egalitarian way of making decisions together, but that dissipated as soon as he proposed!

For what it’s worth, we dated for 8 years, decided to get engaged in our 9th year of dating after having lived together for 4 years. We bought the ring in May, and he proposed in August. In between that time, we had to order a new setting (same style, just another one) so I bet that set back his timeline a little.

Post # 7
Member
744 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@jtaylor18:  Nope but I didn’t have to wait very long with my FI. 

Post # 8
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Nope. We were together 4 years before he proposed. of course I wanted him to propose sooner and at times got disappointed when it didn’t happen, but in the end he did it when he felt it was right. Honestly, I’m glad he waited bc before then we really weren’t financially stable enough to be planning a wedding. Now we are and its way Less stressful. I think if you really push him to do it sooner, you might end up resenting yourself bc he did it Causeyou were pressuring him, not when he thought it was right. 

if he is the right one, just keep waiting. You never know when it’ll happen.

Post # 9
Member
1207 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@jtaylor18:  nah…I was waiting for about 2 years of an 8 year relationship, but once I knew that he was working on buying the ring, the resentmnent went away. Like PPs said, it’s very comforting to know that he proposed because he wanted to, not because I pushed him into it.

That’s not to say that there weren’t ups and downs during the waitin period, but once he says those words, it’s really a great feeling! It was all worth it!

Post # 10
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

nope. I’m actually proud of him for waiting and being true to what HE wants and not giving to pressure of proposing (not necessarily from me, but from family and cultural expectations). He proposed on our 5 year anniversary. He’s 28 and I’m 27.

Post # 11
Member
878 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Nope! But I resent his mom a little bit… She doesn’t want to give us the ring until he gets a new job (it’s an heirloom)

Post # 12
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

No but then again it wans’t as if I waited long. He proposed when we had been dating for about 2 and a half years. I was miffed because I’m a total control freak – which he is well aware of – so he enjoyed teasing and baiting me about when he would propose Tongue Out

Post # 13
Member
219 posts
Helper bee

I had fleeting feelings of resentment during the waiting period to be honest.  He knew I would say yes to a proposal, and in my mind as soon as he knew for a fact what my answer would be – THAT was the moment I began officially waiting.  The ball was in his court at that point.

 

Doing nothing as far as saving for a ring, deciding to buy expensive guy toys instead, making cute remarks about “when” we are married, getting down on one knee and saying “Will you please……. help me tie my shoe”  got old QUICK and I felt small waves of resentment from time to time.

 

In order to help him understand how I was feeling, I asked him how he would feel if he got down on one knee, poured his heart out to me and asked me to marry him – and my response is “Hmmm. I will be sure to let you know.  But in the meantime please just hang out and make yourself comfortable, be happy with the way things are at the moment, take me on dates, watch all of our friends get engaged, attend their weddings, spend the holidays with me and as soon as I am ready to give you your answer I will surprise you with it because for now it is a huge secret that I don’t want you to spoil.”  Pssh… That guy would have snapped that ring box closed and told her to just forget about it.

 

Post # 14
Member
2449 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

No, he proposed just about at the 3 year mark. I knew we were on the same page in regards to marriage and it was just a matter of time until he surprised me, so technically there was no “waiting”.

Post # 15
Member
1193 posts
Bumble bee

@jtaylor18:  I was so frustrated during the waiting period. He told me at the beginning of 2013 that it would happen that year and he proposed 12/14/13. So he took his sweet time, which was really hard for me.

But he stuck with the timeline and I was honestly very surprised when he proposed. I wasn’t resentful, but I definitely was ready before he was!

Post # 16
Member
1648 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2000

No, 5.5yrs was perfect for us.  We spent alot of the time traveling the world and experiencing new things together.  To me, marriage is just a peice of paper and not something I ever pushed.

 

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