Post # 1
I was just curious if it is considered proper to send a thank you to guests who didn’t bring anything to the wedding… not even a card. I can only imagine I would thank them for coming to share in our special day, and it will be a short note. But I’m not sure if this is also considered rude or rubbing it in their face if they did not bring a card or gift. I had a bridesmaid who brought her hubby and herself, with no card… so I can thank her for all of the work leading up to the day… but as for the other guests… I wouldn’t know how to word that thank you. I don;t want to be rude either way so I’m curious if anyone else has had this issue and what they did.
Post # 3
@nl: If they traveled to attend then they did sacrifice despite their lack of a gift. I don’t think it’s nose rubbing and I’d think it the classy thing to do “thank them for sharing in your big day.” Although, I cannot imagine someone not bringing a gift. :-/
Post # 4
You don’t need to send Thank You notes to people who didn’t give you a gift. The reception is the thank you for coming.
Post # 5
I gave gifts and thank you notes (for their help and lifetime of friendship and support) to my bridesmaids at the rehearsal dinner. If you didn’t do something like this, then I’d send her a thank you regardless of bringing a gift.
As for thanking the guests who attended sans gift, my feelings are that this is what the reception and favours are for. Thanking guests for their attendance. There’s no need to send an additional thank you, unless maybe someone made an extra special effort to attend.
Post # 6
I had this happen and I sent card saying something along the lines of ‘thank you for being a part of our special day’ . We had similar concerns but ultimately decided to go with notes for everyone. Key I think is the tone of the note, we tried to add personal notes Eg. ‘we had so much fun on the dance floor with you’ etc. We had a small wedding though so it was easier to add little tidbits.
Post # 7
The “etiquette” answer is that the reception is the thank you for attending the ceremony. Sending thank you notes looks like you’re gift grabbing. Although these days, I think I’m taking some of the “etiquette” answers with a grain of salt.
Post # 8
I totally disagree with not sending a thank you if you didn’t give a gift. If a person comes to your wedding to support you they absolutely deserve a hand written note. How hard is it to just a thanks and mail a 3×5 card? Let’s get real here, a reception isn’t a thank you. we throw it cause we want a party WITH our guests, not to thank them.
Post # 9
This was our train of thought because we had a smaller wedding and we spent an extensive period of time literally chatting with every single guest and thanking them profusely for coming and celebrating. We only had a few guests not bring gifts and we thanked them again afterwards (in conversations) for coming.
Post # 10
@nl: No. The reception is the thank you for attending, plus I am sure you went around and spoke to each guest and thanked them again for coming. To then follow up with a thank you, can be seen as a thinly veiled attempt at fishing for a gift.
Thank you notes are for gifts. Since you haven’t yet thanked them for that. But they have already been thanked for coming.
Post # 11
Etiquette Snob here…
Ok the rule of thumb is you send Thank Yous for… Gifts and Acts of Kindness.
So altho many people don’t send Thank Yous to someone who came to the Wedding, but not brought a gift …
(which is the “normal” way of thinking… in that the Reception was a thank you for them sharing the Day with you)
IF you feel that their attending was an Act of Kindness…. they travelled far, they made some sort of sacrifice to do so (expense) etc. Then it is certainly still fine to send them a Thank You Note.
In truth, as I see it, in this day and age where too little is ever said…
I think it better to run the risk of Over-Thanking someone… that not thank enough.
Post # 12
My parents didn’t get us a gift! I suppose they don’t deserve a thank-you for having the wedding on their property. My cousin didn’t get us a gift, but he helped prepare a lot of food and decorations on the day. Another friend didn’t give us a present, but he was instrumental in dragging my husband up to the dance floor time and time again. Some more cousins didn’t bring a gift, but they came from the other side of the country, so they spent a lot just on attending the wedding.
I think that, if someone has made the effort to come to your wedding, then the least you can do is spend 3 dollars on a little card thanking them for coming. It doesn’t hurt you, and I don’t see how they could read a heartfelt thank you and consider it an attempt at reminding them they didn’t give a gift.
ETA: I would see it as more of a face-rub if one of my friends got a thank you note after a wedding, and I didn’t get anything, simply because I didn’t/couldn’t afford to get them a gift.
Post # 13
No, the reception is your thank you for coming.
Post # 14
@islandgirl82: Ah good idea. I like to include a little note usually so I was kind of at a loss…. maybe I’ll do that.
Post # 15
We sent a thank you to everyone. 🙂
Post # 16
@MsJ2theZ: I have no problem sending a thank you, but didnt want the guests to feel like I was rubbing it in their face that they didnt actually bring anything. Also we are going off of memory for some people since I have no card, and also no rsvps for a lot of hubbys fam. They werent that good at getting back to me at all…. so I don;t want to make a blooper. My cousin once sent me a “sorry you couldnt make it to the wedding” message in a thank you to my dad and me, when I was there the whole time…. so I felt like crap and I really don;t want to overlook anyone.