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Nope! I don't keep secrets from him (unless it's a little white lie about how much those shoes actually cost!).
It would be really hard for me to promise to keep things from my husband, even if it was for a close friend or family member. Everyone that knows me pretty much knows that if they tell me something, my husband will know, too, unless it's extremely extenuating circumstances.
nope i tell him everything! he is my best friend and what i love about him is that i can tell him that me and a girlfriend had a fight and then i will be talking to her again and he wont judge or comment.
I feel the same way as you guys do but my mother made me feel like there was something wrong with that...
I think it all depends on who's secret it is to keep. As you phrased it, I would share. If it happened to me and it was my secret, I decide.
But if it is something that is really someone else's secret, there is no need to tell if my friend or family member wants some privacy. For example, if I go out with a friend and she makes a fool of herself and I have to spend the evening, um, cleaning up, yes, it happened to me, but I don't need to share that secret. Really, that's hers, and I will keep it if need be.
So, IMO, there is a big difference between keeping MY secrets (like not telling FI that I was the one who was a drunk fool) and keeping someone else's.
I don't know, I feel like a lot of people unburden themselves without considering how the other person is going to feel. My FI told me his mom offered to give us $ to elope and I really wish he would have kept it a secret. I think some secrets can be healthy for a relationship.
@monitajb: totally agree with you. while i do agree that FI is my absolute best friend and i keep nothing from him; when it's someone else's business/secret and it has nothing to do with us? i dont think id consciously tell him about it. i have to maintain my loyalty and trust to my other relationships too, not just ours... but again, i emphasize that it would be over things that didn't have anything to do with us.
i guess all that doesn't matter because 99.9% of the time, i end up telling FI everything anyway... it just happens when you live with your best friend! :P
I agree with monitajb....I don't keep any of MY secrets from my FI. He has grown to be my best friend over time so there isn't any need.
However, he is not my ONLY friend, and those friends deserve to have the privacy and personal business respected as well. If a friend or family member wanted to speak to me in confidence about something, I want them to be able to do so...without worrying about my FI giving them funny looks later. I don't see it as being disrespectful or deceitful, I see it as respecting the relationships that I had PRIOR to meeting FI. He understands that and feels the same way.
I guess my mother wants anything between us to stay just between us. But my mother can be particularly hurtful and I feel like if I'm upset about something she says or does than I should be able to vent and talk about it with my FI. He'd know something was bothering me and ask me what it was and I'm always honest with him.
I try not to have any secrets from him, but there are certain things that he just doesn't need to know. Mainly because it would probably upset him. It also doesn't help that I am naturally a person who likes to keep things to myself.
I tell him pretty much anything! We are very open with each other. :)
Why does your mom not want you to tell him? What is her reasoning?
@LGenz: Why do you wish he hadn't told you that? Just because your FMIL recognizes the financially intelligent choice that an elopement is for many couples doesn't mean that she isn't excited for you two to be married. She just recognizes that money that goes to a wedding could be spent in many "better" ways. As long as she is supportive of you two whether you have a wedding or elope, why does her offer matter?
My FH is pretty well my bff, so we definitely talk about basically anything and everything. There are times when I keep things to myself, but were he to outright ask me, I wouldn't lie or omit.
If it was something I could not talk about out of respect for another party, I could explain that to him and he would understand.
@Treasure43: In that case I will say that, for me, it depends on what the conversation was about. One of the things that my parents have always taught me is to be careful abt the way that you talk about your family or SO to other people. It can color other people's view of your family or SO...sometimes negatively.
If you and your mom are prone to have arguments that typically blow over pretty quickly, then I would be inclined to say..don't tell him. There is no reason for him to get worked up or upset with your mom when the two of you will be as thick as thieves a day or so later. However, if there was something MAJOR about your mom that you feel would change your relationship with her, and by extension his...then I would be inclined to say share that with him.
I understand this to a certain extent... I do not tell my mom certain things because in a past relationship, she held things against him... so with my current - I make it a point to keep these things from her to help improve their relationship.
So i could see the same being true for your fiance.
@Mrs.KMM: I don't want to hijack the board, but I found it offensive/annoying that she tried to bribe us into doing what she wants. I just feel like there was absolutely no point in telling me, he turned her down immediately so all he accomplished by telling me was to create an awkward situation between me and his mother.
Ohhhh Treasure43 I hear you!
I had the same problem with my Mum and my boy... it can be really difficult esp when you're close with you Mum. I usually tell him what is going on because if I am unhappy or stressed because of it he always makes me feel better - in saying that if me and Mum have words and I'm not bothered about it I usually don't say anything (I don't want to feed the potential "my mother in law is a crazy bitch" fire anymore than I have to!)
Hope that helps
x
@Jenn23: Her reasoning is that she doesn't want him to know she says the things she does to me. However, he's heard her say similar things in the past. He understands that she does this and doesn't hold it aganist her or me.
@JamaicaBride:: I understand what you're saying and maybe that's a part of what her reasoning is. However, when she says and does these ridiculous things in front of him, it kinda negates the need to be silent about it. My mother and I have a very up and down relationship. I'm an only child and she's very jealous of any relationship I have that's not with her (my FI, his family, my friends, my stepfather). She's having trouble letting go and realizing I'm getting married and that our relationship has changed and it's not just me and her anymore, there's a lot of other people involved now.
Thanks for all the feedback everyone, it gives me a lot to think about!
@treasure43 - it sounds like your mom knows that she is acting out of line and is embarassed, but not embarassed enough to be nicer. Just enough to try and manipulate you into keeping her b*tchiness a secret. You should share that with your DH so that you don't bottle it up inside, and that she can't hold things over you.
As for me.. I'm open with my husband, but I'd never betray a friend's trust if they tell me something personal. You just KNOW what you can share, and what you cannot. If I'm talking to my BFF and she tells me something that only she knows and says "Don't tell anyone!!" I know she means more like "Don't tell anyone that might tell so and so!", not my DH. I can tell him and she probably expects that I'll tell him right away, haha. But if she confides something personal to me, she doesn't even HAVE to ask me not to share, I will be a VAULT. And he would never ever pry because he knows I wouldn't keep anything from him that was important.
I don't open up to just anyone, so when I confide a secret in someone, I trust them. But if the person I trust decides to tell their husband, I don't think I'd really mind, because they wouldn't have shared if it would hurt me, b/c they trust that person to be respectful too. I also don't really have any high drama friends, so I don't worry as much or get into secret situations, haha.
I don't tell my family and friends everything there is to know about my relationship with my fiance or about stuff going on in his personal life, firstly because I have made that mistake in the past (telling family and friends too much about people I am dating, causing them to not have the best opinions of them), and secondly because I want to protect his confidence above all others. But I tell him anything and everything that happens to me when it comes to my family and friends. I can't help myself! I just have to talk about everything in my life with him.
The only place I draw the line is at other people's secrets, like some of you said: if my friend or my sister tells me something personal and I figure they wouldn't want my fiance to know, I won't tell him. Of course, if they ask me not to tell anyone, I also won't tell him (though sometimes it's hard). But I think your mom is being unrealistic in expecting you to not tell your fiance things about your relationship with her, that are directly affecting you! That seems to be par for the course in close romantic relationships.
I am in a similar situation, except reverse it. My MIL made the comment to my husband that he doesn't need to share everything with me. In fact, there are things that he should keep from me, specifically pertaining to how she talks about me and references me to him when I am not there (during their disagreements and arguments and such). She doesn't think he needs to tell me everything, and we respectfully disagree with her. We are on the same page about it, and that's probably how you and your FI should be. What really matters in this situation, is not how your mom is going to feel, even if she is guilt-tripping you like crazy. Like you said, you guys fight and get over it after a few days, but how is your fiance going to feel about being kept in the dark?
I do not share everything with him and don't intend to. There are things I don't want to know either. I'm old fashioned I guess 
I think your mother doesn't want you talking to your FI about her because she knows how bad it will sound and doesn't want him thinking bad things about her. To me, it sounds like she is more worried about how he sees her than her privacy, which says she knows what she is saying to you isn't very nice. I tell DH pretty much everything although recently a friend confided in me and asked me not to tell anyone. She didn't specify DH and while I know he would treat the information with respect and she probably wouldn't mind, he really didn't need to know as it didn't have anything to do with us, my friend just needed to debrief with someone.
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My mother and I were having an argument this morning and I figured I'd ask the Bees what they thought. My mother encourages me to keep certain things from my FI (things that have to do with arguments she and I have). I don't do this because I want to be able to tell my FI whatever I want and not have secrets from him. However, I was wondering what you Bees thought? Do you keep things from you FI or SO if a family member or friend encourages you to? I'm not talking about not telling him some insignificant detail, but something that happened to you and was important.