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This question is a spin-off of the AshleyMadison thread as well the threads that pop up regularly in which posters find something in their FI's email/phone. I'm wondering to what extent all of you share passwords with your FI, check his email, look at texts on his phone, etc? Do you have a completely open policy or would you never think of reaching for his BlackBerry? Do you sometimes snoop on him on the sly? Or do you know all his passwords but don't feel the need to actually look at his correspondence?
We know each other's passwords. We use each other's phones to look things up or call people. But I do not snoop on him and he doesn't snoop on me.
We have eachother's passwords to everything. I don't go through his phone, he doesn't go through mine. We share passwords because I do all his online stuff for his business.
I have snooped on his laptop ONCE, and I'm sorry I did! He has some porn on there, and it made me really jealous. In my mind, I know a lot of men look at porn, but for some reason it really affected me. So I don't look anymore!!
His phone - he only texts his best friend..so I'm not concerned with looking :)
Seriously?? There are women who are in relationships that feel the need to constantly check up on texts and emails?? I find that incredibly bizarre. I have no interest in anything on my FI's blackberry, or his email. It's called privacy, and I think everyone should have it. If the mood struck and I had a burning desire to see everything, I would probably take that as a sign as something isn't working in our relationship.
@napabridekelsey: Ahahaha. That's happened to me as well. But it wasn't that I was snooping. I was using his computer to do something and he had it bookmarked. I wasn't thrilled. What I don't know now is better..
We have the same passwords/ slightly different variations of the same passwords. We don't have any secrets. I rarely use his computer except if mine isn't working or something.
We share everything and regularly switch phones or have one person look at the other one's emails, accounts, etc... We didn't always used to be so open, but I think it's the best policy for us. The only time I ask my husband not to look (or vice versa) is around holidays when I want to keep his present a surpise. :)
We know each other's passwords. And we'll use each other's phones, but neither of us snoop because neither of us have anything to hide.
The only time I ever "snoop" is when we get a package from Amazon that the ordered and he needs me to pick it up at the concierge. I'll check on Amazon what he ordered to make sure it's not huge/heavy.
ETA: I don't do this around Christmas, Anniversaries, or my birthday when the shipment could be a gift for me.
Also, I voted for the wrong category because I misread:
Yes, but I rarely/never actually look
My vote belongs there, not in "Other".
I know all his passwords but its more for convenience than anything else since FI forgets bills are due until the last minute fairly often.
@DesireeAnne: You changed your avatar! (Sorry, off-topic- cute little guy though!)
@Mrs. Spring: We are the same way! I ask him not to check out my emails around the holidays and birthday time
I mean I use his phone and he'll use mine, but I don't actively check his texts to see who they are to and what they say. If an email or text comes in when we are driving, he usually asks me to open it and read it to him.
I def look at his phone. However, he knows. DH never gives me the full story. He'll come home tell me someone sent him a text that made him upset (his mom or his ex wife) and half asses the story. I always have to read it for myself to figure out what really happened.
@rachaelrobin: FI and I do the same thing. If he gets texts/emails while driving he'll ask me to read them to him and sometimes have me write the response back.
we know eachothers passwords/ give eachother access to our phones/ipad/laptop, but no i don't snoop.
i feel like it would be disrespectful to him if i do. i should be able to trust him, and trust means letting go sometimes.
@Bostonsmom: I'm sure this is exactly the same line of reasoning the wives of men looking on AshleyMadison have...from the article in the other thread: "B., who is kind and polite and describes himself as honest despite what he's doing at this very moment, says his wife isn't the nosy kind. "She would never check my BlackBerry. I know a lot of women who do, but my wife really trusts me.""
We know each others' passwords and share everything. When I'm away from the computer, I'll sometimes ask him to check my email if I'm waiting for a specific message. He asks me to help him draft an email if he's applying for a job just to make sure it sounds fine. We'll look at each other's phones as well. We have nothing to hide from each other.
We have our own passwords, etc. I don't feel that need to go through his private things. If he wants to know/I want to know something we ask each other.
It's a double standard: He doesn't seem to care if I look at his personal stuff, like email, but I wouldn't want him to see mine. Perhaps because I'm more active on the internet, or perhaps because I don't want him to see the things I say when I'm venting about the dirty laundry he left in the living room again!!
@GirlWithARing: I got heated after reading that line this morning. He takes advantage of his wife's trust in that aspect and KNOWS he can get away with it so he does it. I want to do horrible things to this man's private parts.
We know most of them but don't snoop. Sometimes if I'm on my computer and he's not on his, he'll ask me to check his email or something like that. He's actually better at keeping me updated on passwords than I am with him, but I think that's because he's more anal about checking his email at all times.
We share passwords for everything. But I doubt he uses or even remembers mine. He often askes me to log into his email, facebook, bank account etc because he is so rarely home.
I only check his phone if he tells me he got a funny or rude text or whatever and I want to read it.
@mwitter80: Yup, I'm the same way. His family usually makes plans via email so there is usually a long chain of emails going back and forth. When I try to get the details from him he says he has no idea, he forgets what the emails say. So I just read the emails myself :)
Other than that, I have his passwords and he has mine. I only check in the situations like I explained above (I tell him first). Or if he asks me to respond to an email or text. We share everything...its pretty hard to hide anything.
I did snoop once around my birthday a few years ago. I was trying to figure out what he got me and instead found he he had been working with my friends to plan a surprise party for me. Ugh, I suck :(
FH can barely turn a computer on, if he needs something online then I usually do it. I do keep a phone book with all my passwords in it so if he ever really wanted to, he could ask someone to do it. With his text messages, I never check. I figure that if I find the need to check then we already have way bigger issues.
We know each other's passwords but dont look. If I get a text message DH might tell me and then Ill tell him to read it to me. But we dont go through each other's phones or emails.
We know all each others passwords, etc...you know, when we can remember them! I will occasionally open his email to look for an email address, and he may check mine if I ask for a piece of info and I'm away from a computer, but it's never been in a sneaky way! We will answer one another's phones and texts all the time, I don't think anything of it!
@SoontobeMrsA - you changed you avatar back! Thank goodness, all this switching around I was loosing track of who was who.
We know each others passwords, but I would never look just to look (although sometimes I look through his work email to see if he's written any interesting emails, lol. He's right there when I do it and couldn't care less). Neither of us has anything to hide. If I have an email regarding a gift/surprise, I make sure to put it in a separate folder.
@GirlWithARing: Just curious and not looking to stir the pot, but if your in a relationship of any sort, what ya doing on Ashley Madison ? ;)
We know each others passwords so that we can access things if the other is away and needs something or forgets to send out an email or whatever. But I have never felt any need or desire to "snoop" on DH. If I ever do - it is a sign that something needs fixing in our relationship.
@mwitter80: Im the exact same way..FI never tells me the whole story! So I always have to look at his phone to get what really happen! :)
@Doubtful:There is another active thread about an article written by a woman who went undercover on Ashley Madison. I think that is where the OP is coming from.
@hermitcrab: agree.
@Doubtful: Here is the post if you are interested http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/reporter-goes-undercover-on-ashleymadisoncom
Nope. We don't even know eachother's passwords for things like Facebook or Email. He knows the code to get into my phone and I know his, but it would be like me handing him my phone and saying "can you google _____?" while I'm driving or something or using it for calls/directions.
We are sharing his laptop right now because mine died, but normally we don't even do that. I don't get the whole "need to know everything he says to everyone" idea. If he gets a text at a weird hour, I'll ask who it is or something, but he'll just show me it's his Dad or whatever. Same goes for if I do.
I don't get why people choose to further complicate their lives with the whole "snooping" thing. Seriously. If he's cheating, you'll figure it out one way or another. No reason to go out and SEARCH for it.
We also know each others passwords for mostly everything (I think the only thing we don't know are each other FB passwords, but who needs to know that?) - its only out of convenience if for whatever reason one of us asks the other to look something up/ send something for us.
I never have snooped & never will. Same with him.
We don't know each others passwords, but we've never asked each other for them either. I don't know if I'd want to give him mine anyway, just for the reason of its mine. I guess if he asked I would but, i don't want to. lol. I'm good at sharing things and I'm not hiding anything but, its mine. No idea why i feel that way and I know its weird, but someone else reading my messages, i just don't like that.
@Running Elley: We also have combined finances, so it makes sense to know each other's passwords. If one of us is at work or something and forgot to pay a bill, we can call each other and take care of it.
I feel like we trust each other and neither of us has any secrets, so we're totally open with passwords. I don't really feel like I have anything to hide.
In my last relationship, I checked my ex's phone regularly because he was regularly up to no good. I know now that I should have packed up and left but I stayed and tried to work it out.
With the giant, I trust his love completely and since we've both been cheated on before, he knows how much it hurts to be cheated on and I know he would never do that.
So, I don't check his stuff because I don't want to have the same feelings as I did in my past bad relationships. And I don't feel the need to do so because I trust him.
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