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I've read a number of posts lately that have all had an element in common that suprised me... snooping on your SO. Some have mentioned doing it to make sure he's not doing anything he shouldn't and others have mentioned doing it to see if they can find evidence of any recent sparkly purchases on the horizon.
Personally I would never think to snoop on my husband. We are very open with each other and I wouldn't want to go through his stuff. I'm sure he'd let me if I asked but I see no need to.
But, after seeing multiple posts I'm curious.... who's a snooper? If you snoop, why do you do it?
Uh oh, pick as many from #1-4 and one of #6-7, but what are we supposed to do with number 5? :)
@MissBoPeep: Thank you! Good catch! I just edited the poll! As you might guess, I never was that good at math.... :)
I don't out of my way snoop, but I guess it just happens/is curiosity? I.e, we sometimes swap computers and so we see each others' emails, or if I have his phone on a run and he gets a text I'll check it. We're fairly open with each other, so none of this is hidden from each other and it's not like, "you got an e-mail from so and so?!"
I don't snoop. We both have access to each other's email accounts, and if I'm looking for a specific email I'll go into his and get it (invitations, pictures, etc.) Except for right now - he asked me not to go into his email because he's planning a surprise for our January vacation and seeing his email would give it away!
Snooping usually sets yourself up to be hurt. I've learned that lesson from previous relationships so I don't do it!
I dont snoop anymore, but I used to. I would read emails/facebook and text messages that had already been opened. Yes, it is bad, but I dont do it anymore and it wouldnt matter if I did! I dont care if my husband did either. The only time I would care is if I was planning a surprise party for him - other than that, nothing to hide!
If he gets a phone call (on his cell) and he's like upstairs or outside I'll check to see who it is (and if it's like his mom or his best friend I'll answer and be like "hold on, FH is fill in the blank") and yell to him if I know he would want to answer it. That's the extent of my snooping.
I don't snoop but I'll occasionally see emails or text messages, if I'm closer to his phone or he leaves himself logged into his email on my computer. Generally I'll ask if he wants me to tell him what it is. I also read his facebook over his shoulder, but that's more boredom than snooping. Actually looking at stuff behind his back kind of creeps me out.
I/we don't snoop. If his phone goes off and its sitting next to me, I hand it to him without looking at it, and wouldn't check it unless he asked me to. We often share one of the laptops because its newer and works best - I don't check his e mail, I just go in, sign out and sign in as myself to check my mail.
I snooped e mail in the past in other relationships and it only led to more issues, it didn't solve anything.
I never set out to snoop and I never have trust issues with him, but i guess i've looked at a couple things out of curiosity. The two things that come to mind are sometimes if his phone is sitting right next to me and he gets a text message i'll look to see who it is from (but i've never read it). And one time he got up early and was downstairs on my computer (which was WEIRD) and then when he got in the shower and i got on my computer i looked at the history to see what he was doing (just bc i was curious why he was up early doing that. we are not morning people). But then i saw what it was and totally teased him for it so it wasn't like i was hiding my snooping.
I don't feel guilty, b/c he's sitting right there. It's not that I'm being serious with it...I'll say "let me see what we have here..." I NEVER go into his email if it isn't up.
Wow! Thanks for all the responses. Just to clarify... when I say snoop, I mean when he is not around & not telling him. I agree with many of the pp that it's another story if he's there, you look at who's calling so you can tell him, etc, etc.
I've snooped!!! Not because I'm worried that there's another girl or anything, just because I'm nosy!!! FI doesn't email or text that much anyway, so it's not very interesting. haha
When I date someone and it gets serious I do snoop a bit because there's so many people out there who are good liars and I want to protect myself, so I don't really feel guilty.
Now with my husband I guess I still snoop sometimes but it's different. He knows that I look at his email occasionally (very rarely, more if i have a suspicion that he's left out a few details about an upcomingn event) but it's more snooping to figure out if his mom has emailed and she has said she's coming to visit or has plans for us, which he always forgets to mention her whole detailed list of plans. Or that he's invited people over for a party and again forgets to mention it until he knows people are coming.
Ok I picked text message and internet history. The text was an accident, but then I did snoop at a few more while I was there. The internet history happened after I found an engagement ring website open on his laptop, and I checked in to see if he had visited it again after that lol..
I do feel guilty but my snooping is not for lack of trust, it's for ring curiosity lol.
I don't snoop, but I do check his email and missed calls pretty frequently (with his knowledge).
With the e-mail, it's usually just a matter of my needing to find a message I sent him with a recipe or a phone number (he saves, I delete), or to check to see if he's received something I sent.
On his cell, I look to see if his family has called to remind him to call back. His family is so large, it can be difficult to keep track of all of them and who needs a call now, who can wait, etc.
Nope don't snoop, but I don't have to. FH can't even turn on a computer, and I read him all kinds of Facebooks and emails. He even reads the Bee when I log on for him. And our place has so little storage he couldn't hide anything even if he tried. He is the one person I have ever trusted implicitly.
@troubled: This happens to me too and actually I wont go INTO his email but if it is up I will read something from a friend/mom that is about plans because he ALWAYS forgets to tell me about people coming to visit, people coming over for dinner, him going to friends houses, etc and the only way I find out this information is through things like that. I will be totally honest with him about it though so I dont know if I consider that snooping!
I don't really consider it snooping.. I know he isn't getting emails, texts, calls etc from any ex's or anything, but I do check his emails occasionally. I used to check them all the time because our realtor used to send our house hunting list only to his email, but now he sends it to mine too so I don't have much of an excuse anymore. Sometimes I check because his sister will email out pictures of her kids or his mom will send him an email pertaining to our wedding and if I don't check and respond to it he never will.
So I think my snooping isn't really snooping and is totally justified... :)
I guess I don't snoop, after your clarification. My husband and I keep an "open phone policy". I've told him that he can look through my phone anytime he wants to, and he's told me I can look through his anytime he wants to. Knowing that your spouse can go through your phone at anytime definitely keeps accountability in your relationship. (Not that either of us would do anything we shouldn't if that wasn't there... just more inforces that.)
This issue has never even surfaced in my relationship.. I don't even have my FI email password, nor does he have mine, not for lack of openness but for lack of desire. It's never occured to me to snoop.
Years ago, I snooped once (read FH's email), and regretted it because I found out something he had lied about (how much of the homework he had done for this class he was failing, which was going to lead to him getting kicked out of school). It was AWFUL, because I was furious with him for what he did and for lying about it, but I couldn't tell him that I had looked in his email. It bothered me for the longest time, and I never snooped again after that.
I don't snoop, but if DH gets a text message and he's in the other room, i'll pick up his phone and let him know who texted/called. But i don't read his email. Hell, i don't even have the password.
Never, never, never, never...if DH snooped on me, I'd never trust him again.
I don't snoop. If I or my SO want to know something all we have to do is ask. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I do believe I’m a GREAT catch, and feel threatened by no one. If the SO wanted to do things behind my back, than she must be a BAD MAMAJAMMA. :-)
I wouldn't marry someone if I felt I had to snoop. That's a red flag to me.
My FI and I are really open and if we get a text and one is closer to the phone they will read it aloud or answer eachothes phones.
I will say though that I do google translate stuff from my FI's facebook page because he is Swedish and I do not know Swedish. I sometimes feel bad but it is stuff that I would be able to read anyways if it was in English so I guess it is not really snooping just being nosy. It has actually made me happy a few times because instead of using my name to people that do know me/have never met me he will say my wife.
I used to snoop, but have no reason to now. If someone calls him, most of the time I answer cuz we have many mutual friends and I'm really close with his family. no reason to check his email, or texts. I have no reason not to trust him. But, i do know all his passwords to stuff, while he doesnt' know any of mine. He never really cared to know mine, and I know his so I can check to make sure bills are paid, and sometimes to get something out of an email or off his facebook
I used to snoop. I was not very trusting of DH (back then he was just my boyfriend), but this was a long time ago.
Now, I could care less. I know him too well & know that he would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage. There is absolutely no reason to snoop, he tells me everything as it is.
In the beginning of our relationship I'll admit I snooped a little. I had fairly recently gotten my heart broken and was left with SERIOUS trust issues as collateral damage. It didn't take too long, however, to get over those issues and realize my FI is a good guy who wasn't going to sneak around on me. I haven't had the urge to snoop in a really long time.
It's hard, though, when your last two serious partners ended up being cheaters.
I've snooped in previous relationships and found some pretty hurtful things. I did it once to FI (back when he was BF) and I let him know about it. I don't do it now. If he uses my computer I close all his stuff out before I use it and I don't mess with his phone. He works for a construction company that does government projects and his phone is a work issued phone and I've been standing there talking to him while he has his e-mail up and he's (jokingly) said if you read this I'll have to have you arrested. If I wanted to check his history on my computer that would be easy, but I don't really care about jeep or dirtbike parts :P
I trust him, I have to or I would go crazy. We do LDR when he goes out to projects and I would go insane if I thought he was misbehaving. On the other hand, he knows if I found out he did something like cheating I would be gone before he got a chance to say anything and vice versa.
I'm pretty open about my stuff and he could check if he wanted, but he doesn't. I leave my phone laying around and my e-mail password is saved so he'd just have to click login.
I don't think snooping is a good idea. It's not even the snooping that's the issue - People should trust each other.
I've checked my DH's email before. Not because I suspected anything, I just thought it would be a good idea to 'check in' every once in a while and make sure nothing's going on. I can't explain it, I totally trust him, I just know that people are flawed and girls sometimes go crazy over married men, so I just wanted to double check.
TRUE LIFE: I'm an obsessive snooper.
And I have a damn good reason that we won't get into because what's in the past is in the past. I only look at texts because I don't have his passwords to anything else and he refuses to cough them up. If I had his passwords I'd be checking everything daily.
And no, after what he put me through I don't feel bad at all. I feel that it's my right.
No snooping here, we do not share passwords, or phone pass-codes (we both pass-code our phones for security). If I ever found out he snooped on me I would be furious, and respect him (and trust him) too much to go digging through his stuff.
I agree - I would be so, so weirded out if an SO ever looked through my phone or email or whatever. I don't have anything to hide, but that's a baaaaad sign, ladies.
I don't think it's snooping if you have access to an account. My husband and I have linked email accounts. I go into his account for different reasons (bills go to his account) but never with the intention of "catching him"
As far as text messages, he'll lean over and ask who's that? And I'll share the communication- it's not because he doesn't trust me- it's genuine curiosity.I ask the same of him because I'm curious. Usually it's work related and I like to know about his job.
I've never understood people who have separate things, but as a kid my parents didn't really give us privacy so I think that's why I'm that way. It's what I'm used to
Been there sister and it's a sucky place to be. I hope everything works out.
@maureen9004:I agree about the text messages thing. I never hear my text messages or my phone ringing so he'll pick it up and announce who's calling, or who has texted. If I'm not in the room, he'll sometimes bring my phone to me. Not because he has to know who is calling or texting, but just because he knows I'm absent minded and won't know I missed something. :)
We both have full access to each other's accounts; email, bank, finances, etc., and he actually has a password bank where he stores all of our info. In personal areas though, we really endeavor to respect each other's privacy. I dumped an ex-boyfriend because he picked the lock on the box containing my dog's ashes (odd, I know, but she was my first pet!) and when I found out I was devastated. All he had to do was ask, and I would've gladly told him what was in there. It was the fact that he snooped in order to find out. A locked box was just too much temptation for him, I suppose.
SO has heard this story and knows that I'm a private person, but will share anything with him if asked. My life, my heart and my future are his forever. Our email accounts stay open on our respective computers because we feel confident the other person isn't going to go snooping (and because there's nothing to hide, unless its Christmastime!), and we could go through each other's personal things at any time, but don't out of respect. I have old love letters and very personal pictures and such that I'll share if he asks me to, but would rather not have him find on his own. I don't hang on to them because I'm carrying a candle for those guys, but because I still love them (in the most generic fashion) and they are tokens of memories of the time spent with that person. Does that make sense? So, I guess you could say that our lives are like open books to each other, but we only read certain pages when we're together. :-)
I don't snoop. I haven't ever felt any need to snoop with Jim. He's never given me any reason to be suspicious, and I don't anticipate that he ever will. We're pretty open about things, which means if I'm uncomfortable about something, I can just talk to him about it and know he'll be honest with me.
The only thing I've ever done was read a few the subject lines in his inbox when he has his computer on and walks away from it. I don't go further because I don't see any reason to. If I'm suspicious about anything, we communicate well enough that I'm not afraid of asking him about it. Another reason why I don't snoop is that I respect his privacy and I would only expect the same from him.
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