Post # 1
I know that being in the military (and when you’re marrying into the military) you are often caught off guard by obligations which can change your plans drastically (a sudden underway, training, deployment schedule change…). Do you ever find yourself blaming your SO (or vice versa) because they have to comply with these obligations?
E.g. I was given 1 month to prepare to deploy for 7 months after I just got back from a 9 month deployment…my SO was not so happy about it!
How do you keep from feeling discouraged or bitter about it?
Post # 3
While this has yet to become an issue (since I haven’t started my active duty service and won’t have any expected deployments until I am done with JAG school), this is definitely something that I worry about. Since I first signed my contract obligating me to military service, I knew that the road ahead would frequently be difficult and demanding. It was a choice that I made for myself and I made it before I even met my FH. While he says that he is okay with whatever is in store, I know that he has a sensitive disposition and will probably take things harder than I will.
So I am very interested in hearing how others deal with this issue – thanks for posting this topic, MightySapphire!
Post # 4
I think sometimes, it is also beyond the long deployment period. For FI, he’s an active Marine, and is therefore a Marine 24/7. Unfortunately, there are things that he has to do in the middle night or at some ungodly hour that takes him away from certain scheduled activities. I sometimes see myself being really resentful when he has to do something at an important date or event. For example, he would have to work on Valentine’s day and we had to reschedule our event.
Also, a lot of the time, he does have to go elsewhere for short period of time (7days-1 month). While this isn’t a long period, he does it frequently enough that takes him away from our precious time together. Fortunately, our wedding plans has been on scheduled and no problems had occur because of the job.
Post # 5
This post/board could not have come at a better time. My fiance was supposed to come home this weekend to finalize wedding plans. All the while knowing that I can’t rely on the military, I planned and scheduled, figuring out a way to schedule everything that still needed to be decided into one weekend. I got the text today letting me know that none of the mileage requests were accepted. I spent the day wallowing, but I’m ready to get on with it. It really frustrated me at first, but I realized that they need him to be ready at a moments notice, and he can’t do that from 750 miles away.
It does really frustrate me sometimes, like when I can’t even call him beacuse he has PT, extra training, or evening formation. This weekend was really hard to handle because I have so many appointments scheduled. I’ve already made arrangements to go with other people, but I was so eager to get all our stuff done. But its what you get for marrying into the military, huh?
I try not to blame him, because its really not his fault, but its hard. I mean, yeah, its the army thats keeping him in Fort Stewart, not him. But its a lot easier to blame him then it is to blame the entire army. I mean, the army doesn’t care if I get grumpy. 🙂
Post # 6
WHEN i first met my FI the first thing that we talked about hwe his actual "other commiments and what that woudl mean to our realtionship…and Truthfully since I GREW up MILITARY i am kinda accustomed to doing alot of things by myself…THE FI has kinda gotten grumpy about the situation bc he wishes e could more nad he cant in IRAQ!! Things that can be put off til he can get back to me I try but contacting vendors and booking things cant SO I Forge ahead…Luckily we have had plenty off talks and know each others tastes and OUR budgets and are not really prepared or in aposition to go over…..
I TRY not to blame the FI bc i came into the situation knowing what to expect!!!!!But it still gets hard but my mom(retired army) always jokes with us…"If the Army wantd him to have a wife they would’ve issued him a wife"….
I have found that i surround myself with OUR family and friends, and stay away from the FRG’s(Sorry but in my opinion they can sometimes be a bunch of gossiping biddies..NOT AT ALL the the LIFETIME show) and any other GROUP that we dont have any problems
Post # 7
My husband and I are both AF officers- we don’t have much of a problem with this. When we made the decision to join we did a lot of research and we knew that this was going to happen. Yeah, it’s tough being apart- but for us/our goals it’s actually better 🙂 We’re payng down all of our student debt and saving to build a house when we’re out (when we’re apart we don’t spend any money- together we love to go out 🙂
I think it’s really important that people marrying into the military understand how hard it is- and this is a great thread. Ultimatley, I think it’s a great experience though. During our interviews the commander speaking with us asked "You’re a newly wed, why would you want to join the AF and have to move every two years? Don’t you want to put down some roots?" My husband and I both gave the same reply, "Moving around is the best part of the job!" For us, serving is great for now- but once our commission is up we’re returning to civilian life to "put down our roots."