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My ex and I share common interests and friends, so we do keep in touch through Facebook. He's also getting married, so we sometimes talk weddings. I'd say we communicate maybe once a week, give or take whatever's going on at the time. But, we mostly talk weddings and tattoos...
There's really only one of my ex's that I talk to. It took me some time to get to a place where I wanted to be friends with him, but I'm glad we are now! He and his (now) wife came to our wedding, and we went to theirs in October. We love having dinner with them and hanging out. I missed his friendship, and I adore his wife, so it's win/win all around! DH and my ex get along really well too which both of us wives love. It's sort of a funny dynamic because my ex's wife and I will joke about things he does, but it's a good sense of comraderie too :) They're honestly some of my favourite people to hang out with.
We also went to DH's ex's wedding in the summer. She and her husband are really sweet, but I'd say I have less in common with them. We put DH's and my ex and their respective partners at the same table at our wedding which was pretty funny. They all got along really well :)
He doesn't talk to any of his ex'es, but my most recent (and the only serious one) is our good friend's brother so we sometimes see him. He is also fb friends with the hubs, but the hubs and I never communicate on fb (although sometimes i will put cute and lovey things on there so the ex can see them ;) ).
@bakerella: that is so awesome that you can have that kind of relationship for an ex. Its great being an adult sometimes...
@MrsSl82be: It took me a long time to get there, but I'm really glad I did and that we renewed the friendship. PLUS I can't say enough how much I adore his wife which is awesome. It was funny, they bought a new house last week, and one was emailing me and the other was FB PM-ing me at the same time to tell me. So cute.
My other "major" ex. Ugh. I never want to see his face again, LOL! No adult feelings there ;)
I am at least casual friends with all of my ex's except one. Some I chat with on FB, some we sometimes run into at bars, and one I call and talk to regularly.
I had a high school/early college boyfriend that I was with for 5 years. We broke up 10 years ago (when I was 20), because I could tell we were really going different places with our lives. Even at the time I broke up with him, I thought the world of him - he's a sweet, smart, stand-up guy. At first he couldn't be friends, but after 6 months or so we started talking again. We stayed friends for several years, although we live 2000 miles away.
Eventually we each started dating our current partners. Once he got more serious with his now-wife, contact dropped off a bit. Now we only email a couple of times a year, but I have such fond feelings for him and I wish him a great life.
I text or IM with a couple of my exes... but it only happens like, 1-2 times a year, max? They're mostly about random things and the text or IM convos are never very lengthy.
I am civil with a few of mine, but there is one in particular I really hope I never hear from again.
My exes and I haven't stayed in touch, really. One was because of hard feelings. The other I stayed friends with for a bit in college but we've gone separate ways.
Can we say losers? All my exes (that I considered even semi serious as opposed to flirty relationships) are losers. Yes, I do mean that word. They currently have no jobs or dead-end jobs, live with mom and have been arrested- a few times.
So I have nothing in common with them and I dont communicate with them. MYFH's ex we sometimes see because of a mutual friend and we are both friends with on facebook. Its one of those keep friends close and enemies closer. If she werent and ex I would be friends with her, but recently I found out she still calls his mom to talk and his sisters to hang out! I think that is really really inapprpriate. I also found out that they broke up because FH said he didnt ever want to get married. So she left. It is probably killing her that we are getting married. Looks like he just hadnt met the right girl at that point.
I do but one was my best friend before I got me emotions confused and thought I had romantic feelings for him. One was my first love and lives in another country and we still keep in touch because even though I am madly in love with FI, I do still care about him and think of his as a really good friend. And the last we keep in touch but don't normally talk. If we see eachother or happen to have something to say we will talk but we don't usually go out of our way. Mr. Shef knows all this and it doesn't bother him one bit. Infact we are really hoping that the ex bf/ best friend will come to the wedding but we doubt he will because he still has a tough time w/ FI.
I only have one ex, and I haven't talked to him since about 2 years ago. I told him that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to be in contact anymore unless he could be okay with us only being friends. I had broken up with him earlier in the year, and we had started hanging out again here and there, and I just couldn't do it anymore. No, we were not dating, just wanted to make that clear. It was honestly just after I started dating my husband, and I had a feeling that it was going to lead to marriage.
I'm so glad that I did it though. It would have been a disaster if we would have gotten back together.
My ex and I are (surprisingly) good friends. It took a while though! We didn't speak much the first 2 years after splitting, but as more time passes the more we enjoy each others company as buddies and realize we probably never should have been "more than friends" (we dated for 3.5 years... crazy to think about that now!)
I have two.
Ex #1- hs sweetheart numero uno. we're definitely not "friends" because after hs our lives went in different directions, but we're fb friends and every so often we'll catch up with each other.
Ex#2- dated for 5 years through the end of hs, undergrad, and start of law school. No, no, no. I've declined the fb friend invite. He was my first real love and we really built a life together before we broke up. I just don't think that he has a place in my life anymore.
The only one I talk to was my most serious ex bf. We are actually good friends now. We had established a good friendship for about 2 years before I even met FI so we were well into the friendship groove at that point. My FI is fine with it, we all work in politics so we are bound to see each other at events so it's good we are all comfortable!
My high school sweetheart was at our wedding with his new wife. We were invited to their wedding, but it was in Alabama, right after we moved to Pittsburgh, and not long before our own wedding, so we couldn't afford to go. DH likes him, and we make a point to have dinner together whenever we're in the same city (they live in NYC).
Of my exes, I'm closest to my college boyfriend. We were together when Katrina hit NOLA (dating but also in the same house), and that cemented a bond that is just not easily broken. He was an ass to me, but turns out he had a lot of psychological problems (he's in therapy now). DH can't stand him (cause he was an ass to me). The one time they met, Ex tried to shake DH's hand, and DH just stared at him with his arms securely crossed. I thought it was a little childish...but he just hates the guy cause he was an ass to me. I talk to him once or twice a month on FB chat. He helped me edit my wedding vows.
I don't have any ex's and my FI has one. We are all friends on FB and she sometimes asks us about our child but we don't talk to her much because she broke us up a few times and tried to do it again while I was pregnant so she starts all the conversations and we are civil but don't say much to her. She was wanting to come over for diner but never showed up...not that I really care. I'm glad she didn't. She engaged now too so hopefully she won't try anything more if she decides to drop in before heading back to Delaware.
I only ever dated one man before my FI, and my ex was a douche. He pressured me every single time we hung out to have sex. He was only concerned with himself. It was awful.
Never, SO still talks to his last ex (of 3 years) sometimes which makes me uncomfortable, they just have lots of history and it's intimidating. I try my best not to express my jealousy type feelings because I trust him but he said he might want to invite her to our wedding one day, and I don't know how I feel about that one.
I find it hugely disrespectful to new partners to continue a friendship with an ex.
Move on!
If my husband were catching up with ex-girlfriends, it would suggest there was a problem in our relationship.
People you've been intimate with are not genuine friends - I find someone is still 'hanging on' if you're still 'friends'.
It's fine to say hi and be polite if you run in to them, but otherwise I don't think it's acceptable to be adding them on facebook, catching up, etc, etc.
Two exes. One disappeared off the face of the earth after I broke things off. The other I couldn't shake for about six months. He ended up homeless about six weeks after we broke up (despite the porn/stripper crap, the money problems, the age issue, the baggage - it was the ritualistic animal slaughter that did it. That... crosses the crazy threshold.) I loved him. I really did. He was addictive to me... But he was bat-s*** crazy. I had to stop talking to him for my sanity.
Nope, not really. I'm friends with my high school boyfriend on Facebook, but we don't really talk. I have no need to talk to any ex-boyfriends.
My ex (of 3 years) and I are friends on facebook (even though we never communicate on there). I keep 'unfriending' him, and he keeps adding me. The poor fellow must not be over me, but all I can say is a diddy from Beyonce's Single Ladies "If you liked it, then you shoulda put a ring on it!"
My ex husband and I dated for five years and were married for five, so that's a lot of time invested to just flush down the toilet. We also shared a dog when we split and I made sure to get visitation for him. So we saw each other often and we talked and texted very often. Honestly, we had been best friends and made each other laugh til our sides hurt and we grew up together. Unfortunately, we grew in two different directions and even though we loved each other very, very much we knew that sometimes love just isn't enough.
I walked away and I filed and I pressed for divorce. I didn't even take anything - no support, signed my half of the house over to him for free, no monetary anything. I left with whatever shoes/clothes/heirlooms I brought into the marriage. It took him a long time to come to terms with it and even 7 years later he was saying that he never got closure and we needed to talk about the split (ummm....pretty sure that divorce court was closure enough, but okay) but he finally started dating again. We divorced 8 years ago. My bf and I have been together for 7 and he's been wonderful in understanding the complicated but platonic relationship my ex and I have. He has no insecurites with letting me go over to see my dog/ex as often as I choose. It's been great.
My first boyfriend and I tried to remain friends. We actually hung out pretty often for a couple weeks after the breakup. One day he said, "This is too weird," and ran out the door. We never talked again. I was a bit miffed at the time, but I realize now how unfair it was of me to expect a friendship out of him when I had dumped him.
My second boyfriend, there were a lot of negative emotions after the breakup. I didn't want to see him at all, and he didn't want to let go. It wasn't until months later that I felt like hanging out with him. We hung out once every few months for a few years, but now I only hear from him once in a while through email. We run in very different circles so unless one of us makes an effort, we'll probably never see each other again.
@Pia2010: I don't think that's true at all. Some people are better off as friends than as a couple, and they might find that out the hard way. At the heart of any romantic relationship is a solid friendship, right? If there are no more hurt feelings or other lingering emotions, I don't see why the friendship aspect of the relationship can't continue.
@jayce - some people might have been better off as friends, but after they've had a relationship, you can't start a friendship.
If this weren't true, think about why people still put boundaries on their partners catching up with exes. For example, perhaps you are 'cool' with your partner seeing his ex once in a while, but how would you feel if he had dinner with her twice a week?? And how many exes is he allowed to see regularly? Just one, or potentially many?
If you cut out exes completely, you don't have trouble debating what is fair.
I only have two. I dated one for about 2 weeks (well talked not dated) and the other for 1 week. I was in high school. I didn't keep up with them because I didn't really like them to begin with. lol One of them even dated my cousin after I dumped him. He was still trying to talk to me when he was with her (I was with FH at the time). I am glad that I didn't end up with either one of them.
@Pia2010: I'm friends with one ex, and my FI is friends with one ex. There are no hard feelings. We don't worry about what the other is doing. We're both aware when we communicate with the exes. I personally see nothing wrong with it as long as you're honest about it. I would cut off communication with my ex if he ever mentioned that he still had feelings for me, and FI would do the same. But, my ex and I were friends for 3 years before we started dating, we dated 3 months and even after we broke up, I couldn't toss out one of the true friends I did have at a really bad time in my life. But that's just my situation. I know it doesn't work for everyone though.
One of my exes has been a really good friend forever, and became good friends with my DH as well.
As for the other 2, no we don't talk at all.
Nope, never. But my ex-bf actually just facebook friended me and we haven't talked in about 5 years... weird.
I never speak with either of my ex's. I sincerely hope that they both find happiness, but after that, I have no interest in knowing what's going on in their lives.
Im not friends with any of my exes. I had a HS sweetheart that I dated for about 3.5 years into college as well. We have talked since we broke up and even since my husband and I got engaged but we are not friends. I was friends with another one of my exes but then he told me he still had feelings for me so I cut things off.
I have an ex who is one of my dearest friends. But, I dated him, like 4 months in high school after 4 years of being best friends and after the heartbreak was over, remained best friends. I consider him an ex because he truly was my first love and had we not been so young, it could have worked between us. So him, I see every year with my DH, his wife and kids, and everyone's fine with it as it was young love. :)
I have another ex, who I was with for 6 years, with who I exchange 1-2 emails/year, either because my work wants information about him or his family (for security clearance reasons, I'll need to give information until we've been separated 5 years, which is not the case); or to say merry Christmas and catch up a little. But, that's about it, because his current GF doesn't want us to be in contact with each other and while I think it's a bit sad (he was a big part of my life and I care for him), I can respect that. Like his gf, knowing him, I also think it's better for him not to be in contact with me...
As for my DH's exes, we're still in contact with one, and she's really nice; but the contact seems to fade over the years. I was always a bit insecure around her because she's like, perfect, and he used to put her on a pedestal (until he realized how good he felt with me and that even though she was great, she wasn't such a good match for him), but at the same time, I enjoyed her company and we have many things in common so in spite of my insecurities, I hang out with her and him from time to time. But again, I think the last time we saw her was like, 6 months ago, and one or two messages on Facebook.
I keep in contact regularly with at least two exs. They are both people I think I have more in common with now than I did when were are together. It's also nice because we kind of "grew up" together (even though I met both of them in college, I am talking about maturing not actual growing). We mostly talk about current events and stuff we are both interested in.
I do not keep in touch with exs I don't have anything in common with but I wouldn't be opposed to talking to any of them. I just don't make any attempts to. My most recent ex and I had really messy breakup a few years ago but I think that's because we were so close and it was really painful all around. We don't talk but we are not on bad terms, his dad died last summer and he sometimes calls because he's having a hard time dealing with it. But I would not call him for any kind of emotional support - I call him on his birthday and holidays.
I talk once a month with one of my high school boyfriends. I pretty much just listen to him complain about his life. My fiance knows and has no problem with it.
I don't seek out communication with any ex's but do hang out in the same social circle as 2 of them. (kind of awkward but its been so long it's ok) So when I do see them we're friendly, but other than that... No. I wouldn't appreciate it if my SO communicated with his ex's>
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