Post # 1
I don’t mean this to sound superfical, I am just trying to get prepared.
I am eloping in about 8 weeks. After SO purposes we are going to schedule a “engagement” party since our family’s have never met. After we elope we will transform it into a ” reception ” of sorts.
My question is did people buy gifts after you eloped ? Did they expect you to register anywhere ?
Post # 2
MoniePennie: I am confused…what will you transform into a reception? If you elope, you are going away and having a small ceremony with just the two of you and maybe a few other guests.
Anywho, a few family members/friends might give you gifts, but I don’t think it would be appropriate to register for gifts or expect any.
Post # 3
sorry i guess that does sound confusing. We are going to transform the previously schedule engagement party into a reception after our elopement.
Its very important to my SO to have a reception but we don’t want anyone to know we are eloping. We will annouce at the party they we are all ready married. I don’t expect gifts but I didn’t know what to plan for
Post # 4
MoniePennie: Oh ok. While it sounds like it could be a fun idea, just be prepared that you could actually upset some people by springing it on them that you are already married…especially if they are attending the event thinking it’s your engagement party. Not saying you shouldn’t do it (because you can’t please everyone), but depending on your friends/family, you could get varying reactions.
Best of luck!
Post # 5
oh yes, no way to please everyone. one if the driving factors to running off and doing it alone. The important people (parents mostly) we will tell in person before the party.
Post # 6
Post # 7
If you elope, don’t register. Eloping is supposed to be a secret and it’s pretty rude to say “hey we didn’t like you enoigh to tell you we were getting married or to invite you, but here’s a list of stuff we want you to buy us!” Some people will still buy gifts or send you a check but a lot of people will just get you a card.
Post # 8
The people who are near and dear to you will likely still send a gift after they learn you are married.
Post # 9
MoniePennie: If people are thinking it is an engagement party right up until they arrive at the event then I wouldn’t register. I always give a gift at an engagement party though and so does everyone I know so I am sure you will get some presents on the night still!
Post # 10
Yes, we did get gifts from immediate family (our parents and sisters) as well as a few surprises from aunts, friends, and even H’s parents friends (who I never met).
My MIL convinced me (after lots of pressure) to register at BBB, so I did very last minute and reluctantly in fact. It just felt weird! She said that her sister (H’s aunt) was going to get us something and it might as well be something we want. In the end, she just got a gift card and did not use the registry at all! However, my uncle’s girlfriend found the registry on her own, and she surprised us with a gift. MIL later bought 1 item off the registry and it was a Christmas gift months later. Also, MIL’s friends bought us a blanket for the guest bedroom and we did not even meet them. Everyone got a thank you card of course. Not expected at all, but it was a sweet surprise. Only MIL knew about it, I did not spread the word. In fact I did have a friend ask if we registered, and I did not have one at the time, but I did not go back and tell we now had one!
How to handle the gift question when someone asks “Did you register anywhere?” A good reply would be, “No we did not register anywhere since we are eloping, but we are saving up for a car/house/stuff for the house.” That is if you want to be courteous.
Etiquette wise, couples don’t throw their own engagement party. You can however, throw a meeting of the families party. But engagement parties are thrown in the couple’s honor techincally (not that everyone cares about etiquette), and the guest list must be people who will eventually be invited to the wedding.
My sister asked me flat out what we needed. Now this is my sister, I said, “Oh you don’t have to get us anything, but if you did, we do need sheets. I have one set total.” But that is my sister so that is OK to say that.
Post # 11
OK – are you sure you want to bring your families together for the first time to tell them you are already married? I can think of a LOT of scenarios where that would go really badly.
Post # 12
My DH and I had a small destination wedding with only our immediate families and best friends. Afterwards friends of ours threw us a post-wedding BBQ. We got a few gifts from people like aunts and grandparents, and a few smaller gifts from some friends (think more like shower-type gifts ie: picture frames and restaurant gift cards) but nothing like you would receive for a wedding. We knew this going in and didn’t expect anything.
My advice, don’t expect anything at all and then be pleasently surprised if people get you something. Also, if people think they are going to an engagement party they’re not going to bring gifts, and no one will go back afterwards and get you something. People tend to bring gifts to events, not after the fact.