Post # 1
DH and I went to a friends wedding. He grew up with this particular friend and is best friends with the brother, so of course we gave a very generous gift.
Our wedding comes, and they decline.
I told my mom this and she said “did they send a gift?” and I said no, and she said that its proper etiquette to send a gift to someone who came to your wedding, especially if they gave you a more than generous gift.
Is this true?
Post # 3
Yes. I send a gift to every wedding I am invited to, even if I cannot attend.
Post # 4
@Daizy914: Absolutely. The norm for me is sending half of what we would have given if we went.
That’s rude as hell!!!
Post # 5
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
@Daizy914: I’ve heard you’re supposed to send a gift for any wedding you’re invited to. Even if you can’t make it. Most people that didn’t come to ours, but were invited sent a gift, definitely not all tho.
Post # 6
@Daizy914: I think there is not tit for tat in giving gifts. of course i can understand you being upset not getting a gift, but i don’t think there is any ettiquet-requirement for them to do so.
Post # 7
Ahhhh ettiquette….. nothing will prompt more different answers than ettiquette….
I recently got married and did not get a gift from many of the people that RSVP’s no. I didn’t really expect one but a card would have been great.
I personally will send a gift if I am good friends with the person (I usually send a gift off their registry for something in the amount of 75-100)
If I am not good friends with the person then I may not send a gift……
I have found that you can’t really play tit for tat with people. Just because you give someone a generous gift does not mean they are going to give you one as well. Sometimes generosity is a one way street……..
Post # 8
I think it is nice to send something if you can’t make it–it shows the pple that you care. If they don’t send a card at least, that’s kinda…interesting, to say the least.
Post # 9
@Daizy914: yes. I always send a gift when I decline.
Post # 10
@MrsTVLover: @BurlapnLace: @mchitt329: I agree. If I cannot attend, I send a gift.
@Kili: I would be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. Being that DH was at there house pretty much everyday growing up, holidays, we go there every year, so the fact that he didn’t send us a gift, yes I am upset. Not to put a dollar amount on anything, but we gave them a check for $400…and we got nothing, not even a card. Just an X on the RSVP card saying We regretfully decline.
Post # 11
@Daizy914: That’s bullshit.
Post # 12
@californiabride2013: I agree, and pls don’t think I expected a gift from every single person that said no, this was one person that I was upset with as DH was, because of the fact that he basically grew up in their house and if the role was flipped, we most definitely would have sent a gift
Post # 13
Agreed. If you’re my close friend or relative and I can’t make it, I’ll send a gift. If not, I probably won’t.
If they’re close, I definitely think it’s weird that your DH’s childhood friend didn’t send you a wedding gift. But many people (or maybe…many guys?) don’t know that’s customary. Men’s relationships are much different than women’s, too. Your DH probably doesn’t care they didn’t send a gift, right? He’ll still be his good buddy when he sees him again. ETA: Saw your update and that he is upset. :
It would have been nice if they’d sent something, but maybe it wasn’t on their radar. Not exactly something you can ask about, and probably not worth dwelling over, especially since it’s your DH’s friend and not yours.
Post # 14
@Daizy914: How rude! I would absolutely send a gift or order something on the regristry for a couple even if I couldn’t attend their wedding. This happened recently over the summer, in fact, when FH and I were in Europe and couldn’t attend a mutual friend’s wedding. We sent them a card with our well wishes and ordered something from the registry they set up.
At least they could send a card. It doesn’t take a lot of effort.
Post # 15
If I declined a wedding invite, it would really depend on my relationship with the couple for me to get them a gift or not. A good friend, hell yah they get a gift. Some random distant family member? Nope.
So if I were you I would also be pretty surprised to receive nothing.
Post # 16
That’s pretty crazy!
We always send a gift. (Assuming it wasn’t a “gift invite”, like someone I talked to twice in high school invited me to their wedding. No gift for you, stranger!)