Do you still send a gift?

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Yes.  I send a gift to every wedding I am invited to, even if I cannot attend.

Post # 4
Member
2364 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@Daizy914:  Absolutely.  The norm for me is sending half of what we would have given if we went.

That’s rude as hell!!! 

Post # 5
Member
4441 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

@Daizy914:  I’ve heard you’re supposed to send a gift for any wedding you’re invited to.  Even if you can’t make it.  Most people that didn’t come to ours, but were invited sent a gift, definitely not all tho.

Post # 6
Member
715 posts
Busy bee

@Daizy914:  I think there is not tit for tat in giving gifts. of course i can understand you being upset not getting a gift, but i don’t think there is any ettiquet-requirement for them to do so. 

Post # 7
Member
852 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Ahhhh ettiquette….. nothing will prompt more different answers than ettiquette….

I recently got married and did not get a gift from many of the people that RSVP’s no.  I didn’t really expect one but a card would have been great.

I personally will send a gift if I am good friends with the person (I usually send a gift off their registry for something in the amount of 75-100)

If I am not good friends with the person then I may not send a gift……

I have found that you can’t really play tit for tat with people.  Just because you give someone a generous gift does not mean they are going to give you one as well.  Sometimes generosity is a one way street…….. 

 

Post # 8
Member
689 posts
Busy bee

I think it is nice to send something if you can’t make it–it shows the pple that you care. If they don’t send a card at least, that’s kinda…interesting, to say the least. 

Post # 9
Member
3084 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Daizy914:  yes. I always send a gift when I decline. 

Post # 13
Member
2209 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@californiabride2013:  +1

Agreed.  If you’re my close friend or relative and I can’t make it, I’ll send a gift.  If not, I probably won’t.

If they’re close, I definitely think it’s weird that your DH’s childhood friend didn’t send you a wedding gift.  But many people (or maybe…many guys?) don’t know that’s customary. Men’s relationships are much different than women’s, too.  Your DH probably doesn’t care they didn’t send a gift, right?  He’ll still be his good buddy when he sees him again.  ETA:  Saw your update and that he is upset.  :

It would have been nice if they’d sent something, but maybe it wasn’t on their radar.  Not exactly something you can ask about, and probably not worth dwelling over, especially since it’s your DH’s friend and not yours.

Post # 14
Member
1134 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

@Daizy914:  How rude! I would absolutely send a gift or order something on the regristry for a couple even if I couldn’t attend their wedding. This happened recently over the summer, in fact, when FH and I were in Europe and couldn’t attend a mutual friend’s wedding. We sent them a card with our well wishes and ordered something from the registry they set up.

At least they could send a card. It doesn’t take a lot of effort.

Post # 15
Member
10748 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

If I declined a wedding invite, it would really depend on my relationship with the couple for me to get them a gift or not. A good friend, hell yah they get a gift. Some random distant family member? Nope. 

So if I were you I would also be pretty surprised to receive nothing. 

Post # 16
Member
11772 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

That’s pretty crazy!

We always send a gift. (Assuming it wasn’t a “gift invite”, like someone I talked to twice in high school invited me to their wedding. No gift for you, stranger!)

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