Post # 1
I would never badmouth my SO to other people, but often when I’m upset about a fight we had, or a problem we’re having, he tells me he doesn’t want to talk about it. As a result, I normally get advice from my mom or best friend. I feel bad sharing personal information, but it seems to be the only way for me to get support because SO hates “long talks”. What do you do?
Post # 3
I speak to the only person who can help me solve the problem… my husband.
Post # 4
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I talk to Mr. LK when we are having relationship issues. It works for us.
Edit: Having a partner who could talk through issues with me was a high priority, so I made sure to select someone who was suited to my needs. We’ve both agreed that if our relationship ever hit a point where we could not resolve an issue between the two of us, we would use the services of a marriage councelor.
Post # 5
I keep it to myself. I don’t ever, ever, ever talk to friends or family about any marital issue – I don’t want them to have a negative opinion of H. Just because we’re in a fight or whatever doesn’t mean everything’s terrible, but family and friends are so protective of you and I don’t want them to ever dislike H.
Post # 6
@DJones69: @lovekiss: +1
It’s none of anyone else’s business and people can later use what they learned against you. My brother was considering divorcing his wife, he told everyone, and they ended up staying together. Awkward.
The only person who can solve an issue I have with my FI is my FI. I strongly believe that intimate details of a relationship need to stay private. As I’m writing this, I realize there’s a ton of stuff about my relationship on this site but no one knows who I am 🙂
@embarrassed99: You need to address the communication challenges with your SO. The rest of your life is a long time to be with someone who won’t work issues out with you. Getting support from someone isn’t going to solve the problem. It will just mean everyone knows your business and will potentially develop awful opinions of your SO.
Post # 7
I will sometimes bring up smaller non-issues to friends or family, but usually only if I’m just all-around crabby. Like “God, he always leaves his socks lying around!”…but generally speaking, no. No one else is there when we make up, so I don’t think they should be involved in our disagreements, either.
Post # 8
@embarrassed99: I usually talk it out with SO, even if it means having to take a breather from the situation and come back to it later. If something is really really bothering me I talk to my sister and/or my Mom about it. But that’s it, really. No one else has any right to know about the ins and outs of my personal relationship with my man. Maybe I’m cynical, but I am often wary of giving anyone except close trusted family too much information or access to our personal life in case it is used against us down the road in some way.
Post # 9
Mine and FI’s relationship is just that, mine and his. I don’t even tell my best friend about the issues, because I should be able to talk out any issues with the man that I am marrying.
My friend posted this the other day on Facebook, it’s totally a “must” in this thread.
Post # 10
@sillysillybee: SO will literally shut off after a certain point. He’ll agree to talk about a problem up to an extent but eventually he’ll just shut down and say “this is your anxiety, I’m not feeding into it.” and refuse to talk any more. So that’s the main reason I go to other people lol…
Post # 11
My husband and I talk over our issues together, and only with each other. We have a pact to keep things private and between ourselves. We’re best friends, as well as lovers, and this works for us. He’s an excellent communicator, and very understanding, so I am really lucky, I know.
Post # 12
not alot. I dont have much to talk about anyways lol. When i was waiting, and i was in a depression, i was really struggling so i was leaning on close friends. But thats it.
And ya my brother told us he was going to break up with his girlfriend and instead he proposed. Same this with FBIL, wanted to break up with her several times, instead proposes a month after we got engaged.
Kind of awkward….
Post # 13
I NEVER bad mouth my husband to anyone but I do sometimes discuss our relationship issues with my mom or best friends. Usually I discuss it with them if I need an outside perspective about whether I’m being reasonable and rational to be feeling how I’m feeling. I don’t just tell them every issues or problem or fight we have, nor do I vent. I’m selective about what I tell them and it’s usually more focused on me, not on DH. DH has a few select people he talks to about our relationship and I’m grateful for that because it’s important for him to sometimes get an outside persective to get some clarity.
I’m grateful for the advise we’ve both received over the years. Sometimes it takes my mom telling me I’m being too harsh on him, for example, to step back and soften up and re-approach the situation. And I’ve been grateful for times when his friend basically told him he was being an idiot. haha It works for us.
Post # 14
@BoxerLady: I don’t even talk about household issues in specifics on the net where people don’t know me. He could go through my browsing history. Someone could be borrowing my computer and ultimately, it’s no one’s business what’s going on in our home. Our problems stay at HOME. I read the other thread the OP started and all of that would have been an absolutely no no. Arguing, fussing and fighting in public? Oh HELL no.
What happened with your brother happens all too often. Someone tells the part of the story that villianizes the other party, then when everything is all wonderful again, they’re wondering why everyone has a grudge against the other person. DUH… No one is going to get over your issues as fast as you are. Your girlfriends, his friends, your mutual parents aren’t and shouldn’t be a part of your relationship.
Post # 15
@embarrassed99: I get what you’re saying. My SO does that too at a certain point and I think that sometimes that is just in the nature of men. I could probably talk an issue to death if he let me, but he seriously dosen’t want to hear about once he considers it resolved. My SO has told me that once an issue or a minor fight is resolved between us he really hates me continuing to mention it again and says, “Why do women do that???? It’s done!! Let it go!”.
I think maybe he has a point and if he can let it go then I should too and I often do. But if I can’t let it go then that’s when I go to my Mom or sister and vent to them. They often put things into perspective for me and I feel much better.
Post # 16
I usually talk to my bestfriend. Sometimes I’ll talk to my mother, but I feel like when you tell someone ‘a secret’ you should automatically assume that they are going to tell their spouse or their bestfriend. Sometimes I don’t want it to become family gossip, even if its between my parents, so I’ll stick to a friend. Just depends on the subject.