Post # 1
Every now and then, someone posts that they’re disappointed that their boyfriend proposed on a random day after going shopping for kitty litter or something similarly unromantic. Oftentimes, the comments are full of women saying that the OP expects too much. It doesn’t have to be Hollywood worthy. That they got proposed to in the middle of pooper scooping while taking the dogs for a walk and they loved how intimate it was.
Personally, I wouldn’t want an “intimate” proposal. I put it in quotes because when people say that, usually they mean they were looking gross in their sweats post workout and the guy tossed the ring box at them. I also wouldn’t want a non-proposal, where you just talk about it and, “So, we’re getting married?” “Looks that way.” “Oh, ok.” However, contrary to popular belief, I also wouldn’t want a big Youtube worthy proposal. There is a middle ground.
I feel like the perfect level of planning would be organizing something simple, private, and meaningful. Prepare a brief speech, but don’t announce it through a megaphone to whoever happens to be in the area. Arrange to go out to dinner and a show, but wait until you get home to get on one knee.
Do you think a proposal should be planned and how much? How little planning can occur before it really is just a crappy proposal?
Post # 3
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
DH let me plan my whole proposal and after party… I just didn’t know that’s what I was planning.
Family is incredibly important to me, my dad passed away ~3 weeks after I met DH (before we were even a couple), and it was important to me that whomever I marry have my family’s blessing. So, he went to my dad’s sister and her husband (my aunt and uncle) and asked for their blessing, he got lucky because my grandmother and great aunt were visiting them at the time so he got their blessing too. He then told almost every other memeber of my family, and proceeded to begin planning.
He suggested to me that we plan a big camping trip over the summer, and casually mentioned we should invite my mom, my brothers, oh and why not my cousins too… He then let me plan the whole trip, added more friends to the list and we had a grand weekend planned with a huge cooking event planned for Saturday night.
Saturday afternoon we all went to one of our favorite coves and he proposed. It was perfect, well planned, and wonderful, plus– we were in a place that didn’t have cell service so I got to enjoy with the moment and all the people who mattered were already there.
Post # 4
@HonoraryNerd: I think it’s very much a “know your partner” thing. Some women wouldn’t be happy with a big proposal or anything public. Others have their own dreams about their proposals and have thought about it for a long time. IMO, neither is really wrong. Currently on the hook myself because I know my SO doesn’t want a casual proposal or one done at home, but I know other people who that would be perfect for them.
Post # 5
I voted other because I don’t think a proposal needs to be planned, but I’m not against it being planned. The most important thing is that the two people love each other and want to get married. And I actually think there’s something romantic about someone being so in love that they just want to ask there and then rather than waiting to plan a big proposal.
My FI certainly planned our proposal. He flew me to sydney for my birthday, booked two very nice restaurants with beautiful romantic views of the harbour, then he chickened out 2 nights in a row! He was scared that I would say no and didn’t want so many people around. He ended up proposing when we were sitting on the grass in the botannical gardens, just the two of us. And to be honest I think I preferred it being just the two of us.
Post # 6
@HonoraryNerd: I have to be honest and say that my feelings would be hurt if my FH didn’t put some thought into it and make it special. Luckily he did.
Post # 7
@HonoraryNerd: I think the issue is wanting a proposal to be elaborate just because you want a story that will out do your friends stories. Its the same thing as being disappointed in the ring because its not as big or bigger than what your friends have. Its all situational. These things should be about the couple. Just cause the guy proposed at a picnic or when you were out walking the dogs together doesn’t mean it wasn’t good enough because your friend’s FI flew her to Rome or rented a yacht.
I think the reason it takes some men so long to propose is because of all the pressure that is put on them for it to be so over top. I honestly didn’t know until joining WB that proposal story was such a big thing now.
Edit for addendum: I don’t think anyone has used their crappy proposal story to say its okay for a guy to be thoughtless. I think its more to just illustrate that the hollywood rom-com proposal is not the norm, and theirs could be worse. My proposal was spontaneous and without a ring, but it was sincere. Well thought out? Not at all. But at almost 7 years married, I can tell you that while my proposal story is weak, the tale of my marriage is strong.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2014 - Ontario, Canada ♥ EDD- April 2016
I don’t think that a proposal needs to be elaborately planned, but I do think that it’s important that it’s thoughtful (and somewhat planned). I had an ‘intimate proposal’, but it was still sweet and planned out. I would have been really disappointed if it wasn’t, even though I did’t want anything public or OTT. I had just gotten home from class and I walked into our condo and my FI was waiting for me with a speech and my ring. It totally surprised me, because he was supposed to be at school (: It was more spontanious than his original plan, but was still planned out (he had asked my parents the night before and just couldn’t wait another day to propose – he was so excited that they gave their blessing and so proud that he got the courage to ask aha).
Post # 9
@HonoraryNerd: my FI had a plan in a semi-public area but people kept walking by and he got nervous. But he had woken up that day and decided it was the day to propose, so he propose in our apartment. I wouldn’t call it the “intimate” proposal that you’re describing, but it was definitely intimate. I actually was wearing a cute dress, and it was the 4th of July so fireworks went off after he proposed (total coincidence!). But he had no speech planned, and we didn’t go anywhere….and it was still perfect.
Like a PP said, it’s really a situation where you need to know your partner. I thought I had wanted a semi-public proposal, but looking back I think it was better that it was completely private. It was such a sweet moment between the two of us, and I would have felt self-conscious if anyone else was around.
Also, I think a planned speech would depend on the guy. For some guys, it might sound really normal for them to have a whole speech planned. If my FI started spewing a bunch of stuff it would be out of character. His proposal was off the cuff and started with him just talking and sort of morphed into a proposal (he then got down on one knee after he realized he made it through the hard part lol). I like that his proposal was very “him.”
Post # 10
@HonoraryNerd: I feel like a speech and extravant outing is important, and a ring would be good… but the ring isn’t as big a deal to me as it is to a lot of people. I got ring, speech, and outing-while-on-vacation and was quite impressed. In fact, to me, the plan, the speech, the outing, etc. is all more important than the ring itself. I want the effort and feeling more than the expense/jewelry.
Different proposals are right for different types of people, and I’d never look down on anyone else’s if they’re happy with it, but for me personally, I really wanted something that was fairly intricately planned out and well-articulated and a little grand, and I got it! 🙂
Post # 11
I think there needs to be a ring. Not an expensive one, but it sort of says to me that he’s put some serious time, thought, and consideration into whether or not he truly wants to get married. I don’t think of an engagement lightly, and I wouldn’t want to commit to getting married and then have him get cold feet because he didn’t take his time to think it through. I don’t think a proposal needs to be a spectacle, nor do I think a long romantic speech needs to be planned. However, I want to know that when SO proposes to me, he has thoroughly planned out what he wants out of life and that he genuinely wants me to be involved.
I am not a “spur of the moment” kind of person and I really do stress over details by overthinking. While SO isn’t really the type to overthink, I believe that proposing is something that should be the forefront of his mind for a while before he actually pops the question. To me, having a ring already purchased and ready for the right moment says all of that.