Post # 1
A little background info first. Darling Husband & I got married recently, we actually eloped with some of our closest friends by our sides, it was awesome. Darling Husband has a very close group of friends, many of them went to HS and college together. I have become friends with these people as well, especially the girls and I talk/see them more than Darling Husband does these days. I have always guessed that one girl in the group has harbored feelings for Darling Husband for years now, though I’ve never brought it up to her or anyone else in the group. One reason for not doing so is that I didn’t want to seem catty/jealous, especially since I don’t mind one bit since she doesn’t act inappropriate or anything with him. It’s always just been kind of like a women’s instict kind of thing. This girl always spends more time with him than the other guys in the group that she knows equally as well. She likes to have her pic taken with Darling Husband at events and she doesn’t do this with any of the other guys. Beacuse of all this whenever we are together I don’t gush about Darling Husband & I’s relationship, in fact I normally try to not bring Darling Husband up since I feel like it could be rubbing her face in the fact that we’re together (plus she habitually single, looking to settle down).
Anyway, today I’m emailing with the girls making plans and tell them that DH & I got married. I get a confirmation that this one girl in particular opened the email. Now she’s the only out of the group who is connected NON-STOP to her email, FB, twitter etc. She’s always the first to reply to everyting and is always posting/emailing stuff etc all day, everyday. This was hours ago and I have not received a congrats email, text, FB post… nothing. I don’t expects a phone call b/c I know we’re all busy with our jobs, but the lack of response kind of irks me. Plus, I feel like it confirms that my intuition was right. She has feeling for Darling Husband and is sad that we got hitched? Now that I think of it she never really said anything about our engagement either. All the other girls wanted to see the ring, hear the story. I’m pretty vague about our intimate life so I never picked up on the lack of interest of her until… right now as I write this.
Also, this girl also said to me a few months ago that DH’s ex was jealous of her. This was from a relationship years and years ago. I’ve never met the ex and I was kind of on the outskirts of the convo b/c the other girls knew her & were talking about her while I didn’t have anything to contribute since I never knew her and she never treated Darling Husband badly.
Could I be imagining this or do you think this girl may have feelings for DH?
Regardless of your responses, I’m still going to be friends with her of course and encourage things to be the same as they have always been with Darling Husband. I just wonder if I’m reading too much into things.
Post # 3
Did your friends know you were eloping? If I found this out from a good friend via email I would probably be a little shocked at first. Not saying I wouldn’t be happy, I would probably just take a little bit to get my thoughts together before replying.
She could just be a little jealous? She is single and wants the marriage thing, so maybe she is feeling a bit bummed? who knows. I wouldnt think to much of it.
Post # 4
@Bostongrl25: i was wondering if they knew about the elopment as well. if i had alongtime, very close friend just run off and elope without saying anything i might be a little hurt … especially if other friends were invited to be present. i would need a bit to let that feeling happen and then move on to the congrats.
OP, is she a girl that is normally gushy and into weddings/rings etc? i have a few friends who want marriage, etc that didnt give 2 craps about my engagement ring. thats just not something they value and therefore they never asked to see it.
Post # 5
I agree with PP. It may just be the shock of your elopement. Give it a little while and then see what she says.
She may also be a little envious of your situation, newly married to a great guy (obvioulsy she thinks that he’s a great guy if they’ve been friends for so long). It can be hard not to be a little bummed out when your friends have what you desperately want.
As far as her having feelings for your husband…have you ever talked to your husband about it? Gotten his opinion about it? I always say trust your instincts but I’m not sure in your particular situation.
Post # 6
@nickels: Since she’s never done anything inappropriate, maybe she’s happy for both of you, but a little sad for herself. I wouldn’t read too much into it.
Post # 7
I know for a fact that one of FI’s female friends has feelings for him. But it’s not for me to tell him who to be friends with. Also, they knew one another long before I came along, so I don’t really worry about him–he had his chance, and if he had wanted to be with her, he would have.
That may be the case with this female friend. If she’s perpetually single, and they’ve known one another for awhile, there’s doubtless been a time when they were both single. I think if she was anyone he could have been interested in, he would have pursued her.
People can’t help their feelings, but they can help their actions. It sounds like she’s being appropriate and not attempting to get something started. I’d keep a bit of an eye on her to make sure it stays that way, but aside from that I don’t think she’s doing anything wrong or that you have any reason to worry.
Post # 8
@Bostongrl25: No one knew. I think everyone kind of knew we would do something unusual though. We had been engaged for over a year and we have money for a wedding, yet I was doing NO planning, no wedding talk etc. I don’t think it being told by email would be an issue since this particular group does big news this way often, then we get together and talk about everything in person over cocktails.
Post # 9
@EffieTrinket: Ya, she’s does nothing wrong and I don’t picturing her ever stepping over that line. She’s a nice girl with good morals, thats why we’re friends with her. Part of me is wondering b/c when we get together I don’t want to gush about our wedding if it’s going to hurt her feelings. But at the same time I do want to talk about it b/c its a big day for us! We only took 4 people for our elopement and the 4 chosen we’re diffinitely obvious choices, kind of in a category by themselves when it comes to how close Darling Husband and I are to them. DH’s parents knew instantly who we brought before we even told them. plus we felt that we could invite these 4 people b/c it would be intimate but not hurt anyone’s feelings.
Post # 10
Yeah, her response makes me feel like she may be a combination of jealous and hurt. Jealous that you’re engaged and married to a great guy and hurt that you didn’t tell her you were married until after you eloped. Though you didn’t do it TO hurt her, she may be taking it personally.
Nothing in that story screamed “SHE HAS FEELINGS FOR HIM!” at me, so I would try really hard not to read toooo much into it, though I know it might be hard, because her silence and lack of enthusiasm is probably hurtful to you. But just try to cut her some slack, because she is probably feeling really left out.
Post # 11
@nickels: LOL girl please. You are considering not talking about your wedding because you are concerned with the feelings of a friend who might have a crush on your husband.
You are very kind.
Seriously, though, don’t worry about it! Its your wedding! If she’s a good friend, she’ll suck it up and be happy for you. People elope all the time and thats their business. If she’s upset about that, then explain why you wanted something very small and if your friends are up for it, maybe throw a dinner party later on with just this small group to celebrate?
Post # 12
What does your Darling Husband think about it?
Regardless of if she does or does not (and my guess is, she does), I guess I’d just more take pity on her (pity not being the right word, I just can’t think of the right word) that she’s spending time focusing on that instead of herself and her own future. I’d keep my eye on it but always strive to be the bigger and classier person.
Post # 13
…all of this from an unreplied e-mail? Why not just ask her?
Post # 14
Seriously @nickels: gush about your wedding! It was YOUR WEDDING!!! You’re absolutley allowed to talk about it and be excited!
Post # 15
@Nona99: If you read my whole post you’d see it’s just not the lack of an email response, it’s that plus everything else that has been noted. But I don’t expect everyone to read posts as long as mine. As far as asking her, I would never do it! We’re friends but she’s not my bestie who I tell everything under the sun too. Plus she’s not the type of girl who has a lot of GF’s she confides in, she keeps things to herself and/or her parents. Plus I know me asking would just embarass her and make her uncomfortable, and I don’t want to do that to her.
Some of you have asked what my DH’s opinion is. Well he’s clueless. He doesn’t notice things like this unless its smacking him upside the head. He doesn’t take hints very well & he hasn’t noticed anything with this friend. But He’s always had chicks throwing themselves at him and just doesn’t see it. His guy friends have been talking about this forever and he’s still clueless, silly man!
Post # 16
@Roe: Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I do think I may go a little too far out of the way to avoid conflict and please people.