Do you think friends/family are usually right about SO?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Who had the better insight?
    The girl knew her SO best, and ended up happy : (6 votes)
    7 %
    The relationship ended, to everyone's satisfaction : (71 votes)
    79 %
    Other : (13 votes)
    14 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2305 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    I think it depends on the girl’s relationship with her family.

    If she has a good, positive, healthy relationship with her family, then yes I find that their opinion is usually spot-on.

    If they have a bit of a toxic relationship with the girl in one way or another, I’d be quick to take their judgments with a grain of salt.

    Post # 4
    Member
    4601 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    From my personal experience of family/friends not liking my SOs, I’d say most of the time they were wrong. My mom doesn’t really like FH. My grandparents don’t like him either. They don’t have any real reason to not like him, they just don’t. 

    Post # 5
    Member
    1044 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    If the family and friends have always been there for the girl/woman, and truly care about her, than yes! I often think parents and friends are the first to notice when a relationship is toxic. That being said, there are some parents who are are stubborn and would refuse to like anyone who was good for their child. However, I think they are the exception.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1734 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1998

    Generally, I think they’re right. Now, this also depends on exposure – do they meet the guy once or twice or have an ongoing relationship? Is this behavior over several months? Years?

    I dated a guy I progressively grew to dislike. After I dumped him, I learned from…well, everybody, that they hated him. Friends, acquaintances and family members alike, and that they had been gritting their teeth since a few weeks in.

     

     

    Post # 7
    Member
    433 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    @geekychinchilla:  My oldest brother absolutely DESPISED the last guy I dated before FH, and he was very vocal about it. The rest of my family always took the “if she’s happy, let it be” route, but he was always very opinionated about the people that my other 2 siblings and I dated. That being said, I was kinda scared to introduce FH to him at first because of my brother’s usual patterns, but my brother seemed to like him a LOT right off the bat, which freaked me out lol

    Post # 8
    Member
    1249 posts
    Bumble bee

    It totally depends. I think for the most part, family & friends have more interest in the good of the girl, and likely see a bad guy from the start. In my case, FI and i started dating at a young age, i was 16 he was 17. He had that teenage boy attitude, which i was able to look past & see how great he was, but he came off abrasive to others. If they had issues with him then (i’m sure they didnt love him to pieces) he’s grown into a wonderful man who has opened up to them over the years (we’ll make 9 years together next week) and now no one has a bad thing to say about him. That being said- people do change from the age of 17-26. & you can anticipate that maybe the SO will change as he grows up and matures. Other than that age range, not so sure he’ll be doing much changing.

    Post # 9
    Member
    2675 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

    My family (esp Mom) have always been right on about my SOs over the years. They often said little to nothing about it…but I guess that was because they always knew it wouldn’t last and did not feel the need to tell me and upset me! LOL. I can find it funny now, thankfully everyone likes FI!

    Post # 10
    Member
    18 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    My FI & I have been dating for 4+ years. We began dating when we were 19 and we are almost 25 now. There were times when we would fight and I would spill my guts to my friends and family (with some exaggeration thrown in). The majority of my friends still liked my FI (he was part of our group of friends) but a couple of my roommates were weary of him due to our fights. My mom also thought we were too young and, although she liked him, she thought we were immature. Well, fast forward to 2 years ago, my FI & I went to group couple counseling and learned how to fight fair. I also grew up and realized I can’t talk bad about my boyfriend to family & friends; especially because I wasn’t necessarily giving him a lot of praise. Now, my family really likes him and my close (and real friends) do, too. I have one friend who is still kind of rude about him and it has caused out friendship to completely deteriorate. We all grow up and, luckily, most people appreciate the effort that it takes to change.

    My favorite quote from Gilead: “These people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you’re making to be better than you actually are, which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice”

    Post # 11
    Member
    10219 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2012

    I VOTED = OTHER

    When I was married the first time (circa 1980) my Parents didn’t particularly like my BF / SO / Fiance… they definitely thought I could do better, but except for one small chat about him, they did keep their opinions to themselves (said it was I who was marrying him)

    As I was young & naive, and over the moon in love, I thought they were ridiculous

    And so I was married to this man for over 20 Years

    I was in love the whole time… unfortunately he wasn’t… mind you he was religious enough to stay in the relationship and not leave

    BUT he put me thru H3LL also (being drunk & an abusive type)

    In the end, our Marriage ended… in a horrible Seperation & Divorce

    There was no WINNER in this scenario… it didn’t end to anyone’s satisfaction

    EVERYONE was hurt… Me, Hubby, the Kids, our Families, our Friends, Neighbours… EVERYONE

    The world was forever changed.

    I sort of wish I had heeded my Parents warnings / concerns… but at the same time, I know that if I did I would never have had the experience (for what it was) and so I wouldn’t be the person I am today… etc.

    I had to go thru all that to get here…

    So that I have what I have, and VALUE THIS MARRIAGE above all else.

    I now KNOW that I am truly blessed since I’ve met Mr TTR

    Hope this helps,

     

    Post # 12
    Member
    11668 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Whenever my friends/family haven’t liked a guy I was dating or were weary of him, they were right.  Whenever I have friends/family who are dating a guy I didn’t like, I was right!  I have predicted quite a few people’s breakdowns, down to the timeline of when it would happen and how.  I think 99% of the time the people outside the relationship see things that the person in it cannot see.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5697 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    In my experience, the outsiders tend to be right. And if someone has a bad relationship in public when they are in front of other people, you can gaurantee that its more volatile at home when they are in private.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1289 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: January 2011

    @rachelmichelle:  THIS. 

    I voted other. It depends on so many variables. But if EVERYONE shares an opinion about something it is most likely true. Not always though. People are going to be with WHO they want to be with and there isn’t a whole lot you can do about it from a spectator position. I tend to let people do whatever it is they are going to do, because my opinion doesn’t change a whole lot. The relationship is between those two people, no matter how I feel. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    My mother hated my ex… He wound up being extremely abusive. My mother hated another one of my exes… Wound up being MARRIED (nothing like being the other woman!)

    So when I met DH, I immediately pulled up his online dating profile and was like “Mom. What’s wrong with this guy?”

    She said he was fine. And he was!

    I think if most people in your life HATE your SO, they’re seeing something you’re not.

    Post # 16
    Member
    1648 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: August 2000

    in my experience, if one’s family and friend’s dislike a SO, they are usually right. 

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