Post # 1
So when we talked of engagement I told him I wanted a simple band. Pretty much a wedding band with some little diamonds. Nothing expensive. I said I would rather spend the money on the wedding. He proposed with a $7,000 ring. It doesn’t look it. Amazing quality. 1 karat. I appreciate it but I know he can’t afford it and has debt that needs to be paid before we get married. Wedding has already been postponed. A: Does this seem like he’s not fiscally responsible or B: He just wants the best for me?? What if I told him to return it??? Oh man.
Post # 3
@Fujan25: Don’t tell him to return it! E rings mean a lot to the man. He splurged on you. I would not take that to mean that he is not fiscally responsible
Post # 4
A. Yes, I’m sorry, but I do think that is very financially irresponsible. B. This is not what’s best for you. What’s best for you (and him) is to pay down the debt and not create more with such an unnecessarily expensive ring. And especially if you voiced that you wanted a simple band and wasnt ‘execpting’ or wanting something so extravagant. I know he probably wants to provide and give you an amazing ring, but not the best idea right now. If it were me, I would talk to him about and and perhaps returning it.
Post # 5
I understand your predicament. Were rings , weddings, and finances talked about previously in the relationship?
I would recommend communicating him about a deal breaker- maybe trade down the ring for something along your original plans and put some towards debts, wedding etc.
Its not really fiscally responsible, but it seems as though he is aiming to go above and beyond- so its good and bad lol
Post # 6
that’s a tough one! maybe he thought you were just being modest when you said you wanted something simple, don’t try to read too much into it.
talk to him and tell him how you feel. esp if he can’t afford it– he should return it! make up a white lie that puts the blame on yourself, such as “I feel nervous wearing something so expensive on my hand, I’m worried it will get lost or stolen” (or maybe you DO feel that way).
approach it gently, but seriously, I think most guys would be happy that you want to exchange it for something that costs less!
Post # 7
While I do think that rings are overpriced, I kind of look at it like this is something that I am going to wear everyday for the rest of my life and it will always remind me of the love that we share. I guess you could say that I needed to justify to myself how much my fiance spent as well.
That said, I couldn’t love my ring more and even though maybe he should have spent less, I think he just really wanted to give you something amazing that he thought that you would love.
Post # 8
If its more than he can afford & you wanted something else anyway I see no problem with returning it, no? Unless you are asking because you don’t want to hurt him by doing so. Just remember, if he can’t afford it now once you’re married its both of you not being able to afford it & having to pay it off.
That being said my husband had a ring on layaway for me that was bigger & costed more but I asked him for a different ring that was smaller & costed less. It got paid for in cash the day we picked it up. So no debt!
I love my ring, I couldn’t picture any other ring on my finger other than the wedding band I wear with it! Yes, my husband would have kept paying for the other ring he had on layaway until it was paid for & on my finger. But we put that money towards other things & it was all my idea. My husband wasn’t hurt over it at all, probably pleased! I know there was times we needed money for other things & if my husband was still paying for that other ring then it would have had to been the ring or something else more important for example my insulin since I am a diabetic.
My rings, BTW: & I know some people wouldn’t have anything under a certain $ mark or certain carat mark but I love my rings, they’re beautiful, my husband didn’t go into debt which means nor did I & He got great deals with both of them. 🙂 They sparkle like mad & don’t get in the way when I do things, which I love!
Post # 9
If you’ve had to postpone the wedding due to existing (or because of the ring) debt, then yes I think that was a mistake and you should have a very honest conversation with your fiance.
Personally I know FI spent some cash on my ring, and he got an amazing piece of jewelry that appraises for higher than he paid. I think he made a great choice that we’re both very happy with. And he didn’t go into any kind of debt to pay for it. I would’ve taken a twist tie if we had financial problems.
Post # 10
I love my rings, but I wish that we had done things differently. I wish that I had either skipped an E-ring altogether, or gone for an alternative ring. He didn’t spend a lot compared to many people (I’m pretty sure it was about 3k or a little more) but I would have opted for a much less expensive ring, or just gone with a wedding band.
This is my ring.
This is what I would have gotten (or something similar):
Post # 11
If you don’t love it – which it doesn’t really sound like you do, why keep it and have him go into debt? Sounds like he was irresponsible, but he was probably also doing it to wow you – I think all men think we want a bigger ring than we tell them! What bothers you more…him being in debt, or hurting his feelings by asking him to return it?
Post # 12
I think there’s so much pressure on men to do the perfect proposal with the perfect ring that most guys are just really confused. He may have felt pressured to get you this expensive ring (not pressured by you, just pressured by society’s expecations of engagements). I don’t think it shows that he’s necessarily irresponsible with money. If this is an isolated incident of spending too much money, I wouldn’t worry. I just think guys are so pressured these days to do the knockout engagement and maybe he tried too hard.
Post # 13
For me, yes I think my FI spent too much, but I LOVE my ring, and I told him what style I liked, but he picked out the size and other factors that contributed to the cost. So I hate that he spent so much, but he did it to wow me, and at the end of the day we are ok financially. We have some debt, but it will be paid off, and we have this ring forever. So I just appreciate the sentiment behind it and love how excited he was when he was able to surprise me with it.
Post # 14
I vote B and I don’t necessarily think he’s financially irresponsible. But if you really don’t feel comfortable and think that it’s more than what you want, definitely talk to him about it. And if you do happen to return and exchange it, you both can look together. 🙂
Post # 15
@Dub D: I think that would be the perfect fix to this problem! 🙂
So I 100% agree!
Post # 16
@Sweet.Sugar.Rose: I told my FI that I wanted something simple or even nothing at all. He smiled and said that he doubts it. So when he finally popped the question, he didn’t have a ring. Instead, we picked out my ring after so I have a say, and in the end, I got something nice and simple that didn’t break his bank. I thought it was a nice compromise.