- 7 years ago
- Wedding: October 2011
My dad recently sent in his RSVP, and he added a +1. It is this woman with whom he’s been in an on-again, off-again “relationship” for about 5 years. She is really not good for him – I don’t want to go into a lot of details, but since he’s met her, he’s gone back to drinking after 10 years of sobriety, left his job and been out of work for 2 years, and has just generally become a totally different person (not in a good way – he doesn’t speak to me or my sister as much, he forgets to show up to dinners and family events, etc.). I actually no longer feel that we have a good relationship, which breaks my heart, because my dad and I were always close before he got involved with this person.
Have you seen that episode of HIMYM where they talk about “being on the hook” for someone? Well, my dad is totally on the hook for this woman. He even asked her to marry him at one point, and she said no. That really sent him on a downward spiral. She herself is about the same age as my sister, which makes her about 20 years younger than my dad. She has a young daughter who she does not have custody of, since the courts decided to award custody to the girls’ father (who was never married to this woman). How does that happen?!??? In my experience, usually courts give children to the mother, especially if she and the father were not ever officially married. What could she have done to lose her daughter?
My mother and sister do not like this woman for an extra reason. When my sister was having her second child, and had been in labor for 19 hours with no progress, this woman (who my dad decided to bring to the hospital for some reason) started telling my sister not to have a c-section even though her doctors were telling her it was the best option. WTF? Why on earth was she butting in there? She tried to make my sister feel really guilty for going with the c-section option, even though it’s what her doctor recommended. So yeah, my mom and my sis don’t like her for that reason, and my sister and I both don’t like how much my dad has deteriorated since he got involved with her.
One final complication – my mom is paying for our reception catering, which is the major expense of our whole wedding. She’s leaving the final decision up to me, but she told me she doesn’t like this woman and would prefer that she not come (no, my mom does NOT want my dad back or anything like that. They’ve been divorced for over 25 years, and while they are on good terms, neither wants to be with the other romantically.). And she also told me that she’d prefer not to be seated with the woman if I do decide to allow my dad to bring her. Which sucks, because I was hoping to seat my and my FI’s parents together. Not a big deal to rearrange, but still. And also, because my dad’s family is so small, it’s really just him and my Grandma attending from his side of the family, while my mom’s side of the family is about 35 of our 100 guests. So I would kind of feel bad telling my dad he couldn’t bring a date. But I wouldn’t care if he brought one if it was someone, anyone, else.
So…do you think I should tell my dad I don’t want him to bring her to the wedding? Or should I just not say anything, sit her and my dad at another table, and just be careful that she doesn’t try to jump into any family photos with us?