Do you think living with SO makes it harder to wait?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
451 posts
Helper bee

@FutureMrsJefferson:  I dont know. I’ve not lived with my STBFi and I’ve been dying for months. Actually it’s easier when I’m with him. I’m just happy and we have fun but every other week when I don’t see him it’s awful. I miss him and become very anxious. This ring can’t come soon enough!

Post # 4
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Hmmm…thats an interesting question.

FI and I moved in together less than 2 months after our first date. We will have been together (and lived together) for 6 years by our wedding day.

Personally, I think waiting would have been harder if we weren’t living together because I might be inclined to wonder even more if our relationship was progressing at all.

This isn’t to suggest that a relationship can’t progress any further if you don’t live together. I’m just speaking from my own experience since the toughest part about waiting for me was my own inner doubt that, despite what he said, he didn’t actually want to get married.

Post # 5
7911 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

@FutureMrsJefferson:  Its hard to know! But from the other side of things my SO and I do not live together and its still hard (but in a fun exciting way).  Its nice I have my own space so he can miss me the few nights a week we arent together. I think it speeds up our timeline a lot. He knows I won’t move in until we’re engaged (for lots of reasons) so I think from what he’s said HE’S getting anxious to do it so I can move in.

Last week he nonchalantly started cleaning out the right -side  bedroom closet and now its all empty. Made me SO EXCITED!

I think if I was a “lets live together” girlfriend the anxiety to propose would only be coming from one side (mine!). 


***none of this is to disparage cohabitating bees- to each their own.

Post # 6
518 posts
Busy bee

Great question. I think it does a bit for me. I feel like we have this very serious relationship and ‘act’ married, but when I put him as my emergency contact I write ‘boyfriend’, or introduce him to someone as my boyfriend, or anything like that, it just sounds so casual. I feel like we’re so serious and so committed, I just sold my house and moved in with him, he just altered his whole house for me and told his children I live there, that’s such a huge big deal to both of us, but I guess I feel like it’s almost insulting how casual it is still. I just hate calling him my boyfriend, it just cheapens it to me. 

Post # 7
451 posts
Helper bee

@lionsheart:  You couldn’t have said it better. BF on emergency contact. Ugh. BF at large function where someone is introducing you around. Hi this is Mary and this is John her… Uh… Uhm… Boyfriend. Cheapens your relationship but I also SWEAR I see pity in the other person’s eyes. Awwww, he won’t marry her. Poor thing. 

Post # 8
2052 posts
Buzzing bee

@FutureMrsJefferson:  HMMM I don’t know if it would be easier for me.  I’ve always been told by my grandmother and thought myself that before you marry someone, you should live with them…because you don’t know someone until you live with them.  It wasn’t until I lived with my Ex BF of 6 years that I realized how much he was cheating on me!

I was sooo adamant about this that when I thought SO was not going to want to move in with me when his lease was up about a year and a half ago…I was willing to walk.  On my Birthday he surprised me with news that he wanted to live with me-but since I was already a step ahead of him it bummed me out that he took so long to tell me we could live together!!

I think the only thing not living together changes is that you might be willing to walk a little easier, but for me, living together is a different kind of committment, and one that I am happy to have, and I think it shows everyone just how serious we are about our future together.

Post # 9
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@SomedaymrsWDS:  & @lionsheart: yes yes yes +1 million percent

That would bug me so much, luckily sinve we got engaged its no longer a problem but I would also feel judged almost for living with my boyfriend. Apparently FI is much more acceptable lol

Post # 11
122 posts
Blushing bee

Hmm… this is a good question. I don’t live w/ SO but it would probably make it harder for me to wait just because. But then again, I feel like living with him will also make it harder for him to propose.

Post # 12
1137 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

@FutureMrsJefferson:  I’ve never lived with FI, but when I was waiting (I still kinda am because I am waiting to get married hehe) it was hard not being around him.

One of the things I long the most about marrying FI is waking up by his side everyday. So I think it is harder not living with him! But I know the wait will be worth it yey!

Post # 13
4041 posts
Honey bee

@FutureMrsJefferson: Definitely not, for me at least. I dated my DH for 10 years before getting married and 9 years before getting engaged. We lived together for about 5 years before marriage. I only felt like I was “waiting” for him to propose for about 3 months.

Post # 14
2114 posts
Buzzing bee

@FutureMrsJefferson:  very good question and I am curious to see what others say. SO just brought up over the weekend seriously wanting to live together. It has always been in the future, but he actually started talking about trying to look for jobs closer to me and looking for a place. I already have the waiting bug so I am curious to hear if it is harder to live with them and wait.

Post # 15
212 posts
Helper bee

My SO and I were just talking about this last night – I can’t imagine not living with him, I love waking up to him every day and getting to cuddle with him every night. With our schedules, it would be difficult to see each other during the week if we didn’t live together and that would be torture! To be fair,  I haven’t been “waiting” that long and if we had been together for a long time, I do think it would make me worry that he was content with how things were and didn’t have the motivation to make any changes.

I think i’m inclined to agree with @Vsmart though, that I would be worried that our relationship wasn’t progressing if we didn’t live together. Since moving in, we have just merged our lives in little ways here and there and I know we are moving forward, even if I don’t have a ring to prove it (yet).

Post # 16
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2004

@FutureMrsJefferson:  I lived with FI for almost 3 years before we got engaged. I went crazy lol. He just wanted to make sure we had all our ducks in a row before he proposed. Be patient, it’ll happen 🙂

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