Post # 1
So just for fun I wanted to add a poll on this. I recently read a psychology/sociology report on an experiment that was done a few years ago to determine whether or not “looks” play a part in how we judge people. I’m curious to see if you agree.
Here is the experiment/study:
Two juries were selected and made up of the same demographic/racial/religious/political etc. groups. In other words they made two identical juries (as much as anyone could). Secondly they selected two judges that had the same age, race, political views, similar rulings on cases, etc. (same thing here, two identical judges). They than presented the same case, with the same lawyers, the same evidence, and the same use of words and detials for both. The judge and jury all believed the trial to be real. The lawyers and other participants were part of the study.
Here is the only thing that was different for both “mock” trials. In trial “A” the accused (an actor) had a terrible apperance. She had unkept hair, little makeup, shabby clothing, and they had done makeup on her to make her to appear as those she had bad teeth, bags under her eyes, wrinkles, etc. (they gave her an over all apperance of a “street person” or “drug user.”) In trial “B” the accused (same actor) now had her hair freshly cut and colored, she was very well put together, had trendy clothing on, and her nails and makeup were finely manicured. (they gave her an over all look of an upper-middle class woman).
In each trail the woman spoke the same lines and used the same language. The only thing that differed from trial “A” to trial “B” was her “looks.” It was a murder trial and in the end the trial “A” resulted in a 15 year prison sentence with parole after 10 years served. In trial “B” the accused was deemed “not guilty.”
They did several versions of this experiment only changing apperance factors and EVERYTIME the more put together and well manicured person got the lesser charge. MIND BLOWING!! For all those of you who say apperances aren’t everything this might make you think twice!
Now here’s my question. Was your first impression of your SO swayed by apperances? I have to be honest that if I didn’t think my FI was so handsome I probably would have shrugged him off when he first tried to pick me up in a crowded setting. Shallow? I’ll let you decide 😉
Post # 3
Of course looks play a role…they help form our first impressions of everyone we meet. I don’t think it’s shallow either… I think it’s normal. I would have been much less likely to talk to DH when I first met him if he hadn’t been what I viewed as handsome or appropriately dressed, etc.
Post # 4
I think in plays a role in some situations (like the study you described) but in others, not so much. DH is definitely not sterotypically handsome and his looks had nothing to do with why I was drawn to him. We started out as friends, became really good friends, and then started dating. But none of it was due to me finding him attractive or handsome – that came with time. It was the personality that drew me in.
Obviously if he was a disheveled mess I may not have given the personality a chance, but it doesn’t require someone to be “attractive” for me to show an interest.
I now think that DH is the hottest man alive but that comes with time and love.
Post # 5
I’ll bite. My first impression of my FI was swayed by appearance, but not in the way you would think. When I met my FI he was going through “a phase” as my parents like to call it. He had loooong hair (like down to his butt) and a goatee. Honestly, he was kinda scary looking haha. When I first met him I was seeing someone else, and my first impression was, this dude needs a haircut. 😉 A few months later I was single and our paths crossed more frequently. I still thought he looked like a serial killer, but he was just so much fun to hang out with that I fell for him, goatee and all.
….He has since shaved his face and cut his hair. My grandmother keeps telling him how much better he looks now. 😉
Post # 6
This may sound shallow, but I think it is instinct to judge a book by it’s cover so to speak. First impressions are always based on what we first SEE….however, I also know that getting to know someone can improve their looks if that makes sense. To be honest, I didn’t think my husband was like Brad Pitt hot or anything when I first met him, but I definitely thought he was cute and was attracted to him. Now though, I constantly compare everyone else to him. To me, he is the hottest man alive. No one else compares…but I think that is the love talking. LOL.
Post # 7
My DH won me over with personality. Seriously, he grows hair everywhere but his head.
Post # 8
I voted yes, but to a certain degree. Depending on the situation, but thoughts of what the other person looks like will cross your mind a one point or another. Whether it’ll change the outcome of the situation depends, but plays a huge role in first impressions.
To be honest, my SO’s looks are what drew me to him first. Well to be fair we were total strangers when we met, he worked at the bank where I got my mortgage for my first place and when I saw him walking up to get me for our first appointment I thought “HOT DAMN!”, then once we chatted and he had a great personality too, I was sold. But his looks are what hooked me first 😉
Post # 9
Re: the study– ABSOLUTELY. I’m a litigator so I am way too aware of how looks play a role… of the lawyer and the client! As silly as it sounds I really believe that by wearing a nice/expensive looking suit, nice shoes, doing my hair well, carrying a nice briefcase, etc I was helping the client because it LOOKS like he’s got a good successful attorney. And before I was engaged I would wear a band on my ring finger during trials because I’m pretty young and I feel like looking married made me look older/stable/more professional.
Re: my fi– i thought he was totally cute 🙂
Post # 10
I will admit that I had a certain “type” of man that I dated. I was attracted to tall, muscular, broad men. FI is not that. He is tall but he is definitely not broad =) However, he is handsome and well put together and after our first conversation which lasted until 3:30 in the morning I was like…broad who? LOL.
I don’t think looks matter so much as presentation….how you dress, personal hygeine, posture…those things matter in general…not just when talking about dating.
Post # 11
okay I’ll be the one to get into science. Humans are animals. Animals were out on this planet for one purpose, reproduction. In the animal kingdom the males with the most color and beauty get the most mates. Same can be said for humans. When it comes to our animal instinct, physical attraction is what matters.
Post # 12
My mother and I were talking about this study and she totally gave me an eye opener! I always think in my head that looks don’t matter, but my mom pointed out that in all three of my serious relationships (FI included) I have dated blonde, blue/green eyed, tall, and reasonably handsome men. I don’t see myself as shallow, so I guess this is just what I’m attracted to subconsciously!
So here I am sitting next to my FI last night and I was having a total mushy gushy moment thinking I’ll have the most beautiful babies ever. lol. It reminded me of when I first met my FI because the first thing that came out of my aunts mouth was, “You two will certainly have some beautiful blonde babies!” So I guess in some sense looks do play a part whether it’s on a conscious level or a subconscious one. I’m sure it’ll always in the back of our minds at least a little bit. To me that’s not shallow…just nature! Like the peahen gravitating to the magnificent display of feathers on a peacock…. haha.
Post # 13
@KaitlinHudson: You beat me to it!
Post # 14
I try to be aware of it but yes I think it matters for first impressions. But I try to have my first impressions very open to changing.
As for my husband, I’m very attracted to him, but I’ve been attracted to plenty of people. His looks caught my attention but they’re not what kept my attention. For him I think a lot of people find him sexy but for other guys I’ve dated I’ve always found them attractive but I know a lot of people would only rate as average, girls have lots of different types.
I think for me chemistry almost speaks louder, and I don’t even know what I mean by that. I just know that in physical proximity (not like in a sexual way) to someone sometimes can make me feel a connection or feel distance, no matter how I’ve felt before about their attractiveness.
Post # 15
Absolutely agree re: the study.
As far as my husband? Nope. We met online via a message board and spent about a month trading tons and tons of e-mails before exchanging photos. By then I was already a goner.
Post # 16
Well I can actually speak from experience on this issue. i used to be kind of an ‘ugly duckling’ I was really skinny with no boobs or ‘shape’ to me, dressed poorly in clothes that didn’t flatter my body, I had an imperfect nose (too big for my face with a hump) and mousy colored hair. Within about a 2 year period I got a nose job, gained some weight to look healthy, started highlighting my hair and dressing in more flattering/designer clothing. The way I was treated my entire life until that transformation was almost completely different than how I was treated afterwards. People in general are a LOT nicer to me, listen to me when I talk and quicker to forgive. I hate to say it, but it’s true.
So I’ve heard about studies like these and 100% believe them because I actually lived it.
PS and on a side note, I gained a lot of weight after that transformation and was treated differently yet again. I found people are very prejudiced against the overweight and would frequently insult me in a passive aggressive way. When I lost it, everyone went back to being nice again.