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YES.. because i have yet to hear or meet about someone like edward cullen. lol
@ JustlikeHeaven - hahaha! Yeah, but truthfully the "icy cold" and rock-solid like a statue was kind of a turn-off!
In a way, yes, and in a way, no.
I think that what each person finds romantic and how they express love is totally different. I would be horrified if R had proposed in a big, public spectacle, and our private lakefront proposal was the most romantic thing in the world to me. What's more, it was romantic to me that he took the time to say what he did, etc.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that our romance sometimes looks different than the movies, but I never feel like we don't have enough just because we like spending Friday nights at home a lot, etc.
Maybe to someone who waited a really long time for their relationship and watched movies & TV shows longing for that kind of romance it'd be a let down? It never really was for me, though.
@ lily - you are ABSOLUTELY right about everyone's romance preferences being different. I totally agree. I always thought the big public proposal would have been awesome, but that's not the way it happened for me, and that's OK!
I remember when I was a teenager and watching movies, shows, reading romancy books, etc, and I think it really helped to shape my ideas of romance. Luckily, now that I'm older and have been in relationships, I am a lot more realistic in my expectations from my man, altlhough sometimes I'm still guilty of thinking things like "where are my just-because-it's-wednesday-flowers?" LOL. Then I have to remind myself what a great man I have, AND I didn't give him "just-because-it's-Wednesday" tickets to an auto show hehe.
You know, it's funny... sometimes I think, "I wish my FI were a little bit more, I don't know, romantic. ::sigh::" And then I remember past relationships when guys did romantic things for me, and I was really turned off by it. In fact, those guys were actually kind of creepy. Like, a little-too-into-me-creepy. Or, "I like to watch you when you're sleeping" creepy. Or, "I really love you now but when we break up I will stand at your window and yell YOU ARE A F&&#(&( SL*T at your bedroom window until someone drags me away." Is this just my experience??? (probably. LOL!)
@ sage - THAT is hilarious! Haha! "I like to watch you when you're sleeping" creepy. You know, I've always thought that would be WAY weird also. Um hello, don't STARE at me in my most vulnerable moment when I don't even know you're there!
For me, my guy is like the best bits of the romantic movies without being creepy or over the top about it -- but that's not to say it's always perfect! Sometimes he's totally romantic, and sometimes he's <i>so</i> not that I can't help laughing. I wouldn't swap our relationship for the world.
Yes.
I also think the media trashes relationships to unrealistic levels - especially marriages.
It's weird how both can be true but I really think they are.
So this is a serious topic and all, and I agree with what has been said already in both directions -- the media propagates unrealistic expectations and is also overbearing when they trash it.
BUT! I just had to share re: romantic to the point of creepy --
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZwM3GvaTRM&feature=player_embedded
I'd rather be Buffy than Bella!
I think it does - theres a reason boys tend to dread Valentines Day! There is so much pressure on them to buy us flowers, take us out to fancy dinners and make a fuss. My boy is not your typical romantic. He never buys flowers or random gifts, and he never things to plan a fancy dinner. But he shows he loves me through his appreciation of the food I cook him, by giving me a hug when I have had a bad day, making me feel beautiful and making sure he puts time in with my friends and family.
Sure, there are times when I get frustrated and I want him to take the lead and plan a fun night out and spoil me, but he isnt that kind of guy! Instead, hes a sweet, fabulous man who sometimes makes me mad but 99.9% of the time he makes me blissfully happy in my every day life and that is so much more important than a bunch of flowers every now and then!
I think that the media like to portray some types of unrealistic relatinships... Not all of us have the buy you flowers every week and tell you 24/7 how much he worships the ground you walk on.
All men are different and show their love in different ways. I think its sick how the media dolls not only relationships but valentines day, anniversaries, marriages and so on to an extent that we feel we need to have this type of person in our lives.
Our men are who they are and that's why we fell madly in love with them. I am fortunate enough to have a SO who treats me like a queen and still tells me when I'm wrong... Someone who challenges me and compliments me. Forget the media and focus on your love and why you cherish it so much! No need for flowers and cards and jewelry all the time. What happened to the good old days when a hand written letter would suffice. Life is so precious to get so wrapped up materialistic things!
I think a lot of men in the movies and books are written/scripted by women. This seems really apparent to me as I get older. Now, when I see a movie that features men who were clearly written/scripted by men, I sometimes cringe a little and am a little repulsed (for example, the movie, The Hangover) but I watch DH, and he's totally amused by it - he relates to it.
So I think we have to be careful not to expect to hear what we want to hear all the time and just accept that men and women are truly programmed differently.
@ MrsK2be - lol - yep, I think you're right about the movies. I never thought about that actually - great point ;) I recently saw The Hangover as well, and I'd be a fat 20 bucks on that as well :P
Trudat, Ms. Queenbee. In real life there are no:
1) High school hot stud muffin who loves theater & a jock who will date a girl who is an over-achiever. High school boys want to date the girl who has the biggest boobs! LOL. Oh…and they don’t suddenly burst out into a song in the middle of the high school cafeteria either.
2) Mysterious but hot brooding vampires who loves you but wants to eat you too. Oh the dilemma!
3) Guys who will go through traffic in high speed so he can rush to the airport terminal and tell you that he loves you a few minutes before you board the plane to some distant country. (Have you seen the security lines at O’Hare? Umm….Not gonna happen.)
4) Player/ladies’ man who will fall in-love with a plane Jane, show up in her doorstep and go into a monologue of “I’ve changed. It’s been you all along.”
5) Apartments in New York, LA, Chicago, Seattle as huge as the ones shown in movies that a girl who works as a florist, office worker, writer, etc. can afford.
I think the media definitely creates these unrealistic characters. However, I do think a good number of real guys are romantic. My FI is very romantic, and I love it.
@hazel920: I wholeheartedly agree with #5 - that is such a huge pet peeve of mine! I never felt pressured to have a "perfect" relationship based on movies, but I did feel like I had to have this glamorous NYC apartment, when the reality is you can't afford that on a real person's salary!
I think the media romanticizes divorce and staying single. It's like celebrities get chased and harrassed about cheating and breaking up until they cheat or break up. No one ever puts a positive spin on being faithful and staying with the same person for a long time.
The media definitely romantisizes relationships. Most of these books, movies, articles, etc are written by women or by men that know what women want to hear. Their entire purpose is to feed women with this vision of the perfect relationship.
I think there are a couple interesting stereotypes in the romance genre. There is the one perpetuated by the romance novel, especially historical ones. It's the impossibly beautiful heroine who spends the whole time wondering if he loves her and how she got so lucky as to trap this fabulous, gorgeous, man who is a tiger in the sack and the man who is also impossibly beautiful who does nothing but think about sleeping with said woman until he finally does and realizes he loves her afterward.
The real side of that being the guy trolling for booty in the bar/club. In reality, yes, all he thinks about is sleeping with you... but he's not going to be in love afterward. He's going to lose your phone number, give you herpes and you'll never hear from him again.
The other one being the stereotype of the "Great Romance" which would be this idea that women have of the proverbial "Knight in Shining Armor". He the one that brings you flowers. he rubs your feet every nights, he wines and dines you, he buys you expesive jewelry. This is the guy that does the things that hazel mentioned, showing up at the airport, serenading you from the stands of the football stadium a la Heath Ledger, etc.
I think this is where what lilyfaith said comes in. I absolutely agree with her about romance being different for everyone. Hell, when FI proposed to me, he didn't have a ring, he didn't get down on one knee. He just came out with it and then we picked out my ring together and bought it afterward. That's just him though. I would have been surprised if he had gone and done the typical, "romantic" proposal.
I think that this idea of romance has really affected how women seek out relationships. I know that my BM goes out to sleazy bars thinking she's going to meet the love of her life. All she does is get herself into trouble with guys who want a booty call that she is unwilling to give them.
Some guys are romantic and some aren't. It is super silly that flowers and jewerly and dinner is the definition of romance - what's sweeter and sexier than a predetermined script. ugh.
But um, some high school guys do date over achievers thank you, even those without huge boobs. Quite a lot of them even. I mean come on - girls date non jocks even if they appreciate the muscle.
Romance != Love
I've found everything makes more sense to me when I think of women and men as being very similar and think 'what would I do?'. I like to be a little romantic in the ways that are natural to me but sometimes even when I meant to do something special for an event I run out of steam, get busy and don't get around to it. It's a lot of work! :)
moderndaisy,
I don't think they glamorize divorce or being singe but I do think they demonize marriage especially. As if it is impossible to have a happy marriage. It is so rare to see a happily married couple. We only see happy couples getting engaged or married but not them twenty years later. In portrayls of married couples the man is invariably a buffoon who is chasing younger women and happy go lucky and is being pushed out of the house and the woman is invariably bitter overworked and unhappy it is ridiculous. That's not what I see in the married couples around me.
But imperically I believe most screenwriters and writers are men (except for romanct writers), in fact overwhelmingly so.
Also, the man is never shown to be blown away and interested in who she is as a person, he is interested in her beauty and her kidness and maybe her humility but rarely are the couple shown to have great connection. Buying something is just not as romantic as being really interested in who the other person and is and what they think.
I do think divorce is romanticized in the sense that it's shown as this great liberating process that allows those who are, by virtue of being married, miserable to be loosed from the shackles of monogamy and parenthood in order that they may spread their wings and fly free and untroubled into the sparkly skies of personal fulfillment and endless self-analysis. And that children are, like, understanding or, at worst, midly put out and easily "fixed" with the right pharmaceuticals and a few chats about how mommy and daddy are just not in love anymore! And that's okay! Icre cream for everyone!
This is not, generally, how it feels to actually get divorced, as nearly as I can tell. Personal observation has led me to believe that it's rather hellish for those involved.
Yes, I think relationships are romanticized, but I think it's a natural tendency and not something insidious. The Great Stories that stick with us are always about people living at the extreme---extreme love, heartbreak, freedom, slavery, heroism, depravity, redemption, and the like. The trouble is when you become oversaturated and you start to think real life is supposed to be like this. Real life is far more boring, but alas in general that doesn't make for a Great Story.
For me, true romance is in that cup of coffee my fiance makes me every morning.
I'm mostly anti-romance honestly. I find it cheesy and it mostly makes my skin crawl or elicits eye rolling. I'm talking "romance" like what people traditionally define as romance - the random flowers (don't give me something that's going to take up room on my small countertop and die in three seconds), the Hallmark cards full of pre-packaged sentiment, the overpriced dinners. I'll take him making my coffee, doing the dishes, cleaning my car off when it snows, and cooking a nice dinner instead of all that other garbage.
FI does these things but he also likes the other BS romance that I hate so I've had to tolerate it and pretend I like it sometimes so he feels good about himself.
@ Sage: OMG I think we might have dated the same person! And yes, when you mentioned creepy watching you while you sleep behavior, I immediately thought of Edward Cullen. He was always creepy. Team Jacob !!!
*ahem*
I personally am fine with FI's low level of romatical tendencies. BFs going overboad with gifts makes me immediately suspicious, since those have been tools for manipulation in my past. Valentine's Day is an overrated holiday, and he knows that he's not obligated to buy me anything for it since I'll not be buying him anything for it, either!
But oh hey, you wanna go play tennis? I'm THERE!
I think this might also go back to the Love Languages... neither FI or I base much value on gifts, other than appreciating the thought and the effort put into finding said gift. We both feel more valued while spending time together and talking.
I did recently let him know that flowers every once in a while would be nice... his response was "OH... you LIKE those?? I didn't know!". After that, I randomly got flowers. WIN!!
it's probably that the courting in those movies is infinitely more interesting than a happy, stable couple. Lol! Our romantical "I emptied the dishes for you b/c you're super tired today" doesn't really translate to the silver screen.
The answer is of course, and I think chelseamorning is exactly right. As a general rule, everything you see in movies, books, TV shows, magazine, etc., is the extreme. The extremes are just generally more interesting.
On a side note, I think one of the most honest "romantic" movies ever is High Fidelity, and it is extremely popular with men. That movie is the most similar to my relationship, in that it is about the betrayals and heartbreak and forgiveness and mistakes that committed relationships endure.
Aaack. Yes, I'm sure media images have influenced me...but so do ideas from past relationships, that I have oh-so-edited for their best snippets: A boy who dipped me under a flowering apple blossom tree and sang out "Your kiss is on my list of the best things in life!"...boyfriend driving me to a park and then taking me on a hike to the highest hill around, because my problems would seem smaller when I could look out from above...having boyfriend bring me an album, a new romantic one, back from a trip out of town...leaving boyfriend a note "Thank YOu" and his responding "You're welcome" in a note attatched to a dozen roses. No, I'm not with the guy(s) in any of these moments...but they were wonderful. Maybe the best was the old flame who wrote to tell me "I was a fool, you were the best!" like I'd always hoped would happen. But, my bf has brought me flowers for no reason, fixed me dinner and cut it up for me when I had bad hip pain the day of my best friend's funeral, gently offered to take me somewhere quiet for dinner on a night we were not planning to go out because I'd been to a difficult day of training for a crisis line. The list is very long. He is wonderful, even if he isn't perfect!
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I've noticed here on WB that a lot of us (myself included) have made comments about how our hubby's/SO's aren't spontaneous, romantic, affectionate, etc. enough, and I just wonder.. WHERE do we get the standards that we are comparing them to?
In movies, tv, books, etc there's always those insanely attractive, well-spoken, extremely attentive, wonderfully romantic, intensely passionate, daredevil do-anything-for-love type of guys buuuuuuuuut... we all know that's just not the case with the majority of our wonderful men ;) Our men a) are not reading from a script b) actually exist :)
I've been with my hubby for almost 3 years now (married only 3 months today actually :) and I am JUST now getting used to some things about him lol. I am thankful though, that he is who he is and that he is true to himself and to me. He might not be very spontaneous and I might not get flowers out of the blue, but I'd still pick HIM over a zillion other guys anyday!
Yay for our men!
(I might need to remind myself to re-read this thread later on when he does something irritating LOL)