Post # 1
Although we’re not yet engaged, we’ve had a lot of conversations about things we want to have happen at our wedding. Thankfully, we already agree on a lot of things before talking about them, and even when we don’t agree, it doesn’t usually turn into an argument. 🙂
One of the things about our wedding that is very important to him is that he does not want me to be taller than him. We’re pretty close in height–I’m 5’7 1/2″ and he’s 5’8 1/2″. He didn’t say I couldn’t wear heels (now that would be controlling), but he said he’d much prefer if I didn’t, because he’d feel weird if I were taller than him on our wedding day, and he doesn’t want to feel weird.
In a way, even though I love heels, it’s relieving to have my choices limited to flats, because I know heels would be less comfortable, and now I don’t have to argue with myself over whether the discomfort would be worth it, whether I should get an additional pair of shoes for dancing, etc.
I don’t personally feel like he’s being controlling, but I am curious because I know some people consider it to be controlling, judgmental, and pushy if someone so much as suggests that another person do a certain thing. If you’ve read my vent from earlier today, you know about my uncle who is often a jerk…it would be helpful for me to know if it’s just him who thinks that way or if a lot of other people do too.
Post # 3
It wouldn’t bother me – it sounds like this is just him being insecure about his height, so if wearing flats will make him feel better I wouldn’t have an issue with it.
Post # 4
no issue. He just doesn’t want to look short in his wedding pics. Totally understandable.
Post # 5
I don’t think it’s controlling at all. I don’t blame him for asking you to wear flats.
Post # 6
I don’t think it’s controlling at all, just a request or suggestion to you about something that makes him insecure. He could have handled it in a much more negative way. Pluuuus, you get the comfort of flats, like you pointed out.
*Bonus: You can still buy some rockin’ awesome heels for some sassy/sexy getting ready photos or photos of just the bride, since you said you love heels. Everyone wins 😉
Post # 7
Doesn’t sound controlling at all 🙂
Post # 8
I agree with the PP, I don’t see it as controlling but rather him being honest with you about a potential insecurity.
My FI is only an inch taller than me and I wanted high heels. Before I bought my 4″ beauties I asked him how he would feel if I was 3″ taller than him at our wedding. He told me he honestly didn’t care since I usually wear heels anyway. I did ask him though because I felt like it was the right thing to do out of respect. We did agree though in pictures I will be taking my heels off so that we are normal height, perhaps you can suggest this to your FI as a happy medium?
Post # 9
@Treejewel19: I like that compromise idea as well.
@NatAndTy: I’d just make sure to hem your dress to flats length. Yes, your dress will be a bit higher when you’re wearing heels, but it won’t be bunching in photos or dragging while dancing.
Post # 10
@indibee: *Bonus: You can still buy some rockin’ awesome heels for some sassy/sexy getting ready photos or photos of just the bride, since you said you love heels. Everyone wins 😉
That’s a great idea! Plus, I get to pick out heels for the bridal shower, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, and wedding night. 🙂
@Treejewel19: Thanks, I may try suggesting that to him. That’s good that you asked your FI that out of respect…I probably wouldn’t have thought to ask.
And thanks everyone else…I just wanted to make sure 🙂
Post # 11
No, i think that’s just being honest about your insecurities and working with your partner to find a way to mitigate it.
Post # 12
I don’t think this is an issue, I would understand that he doesn’t want to feel short! Guys are funny about things sometimes 😉
Post # 13
No I dont think it is controlling at all. Its nice that he can say how he feels and I completely agree with him about the height thing. To me the photographs would look ‘off’ if you were taller than him if your not IRL (wearing flats).
I wore flats on my wedding day and it was the best decision I made! I also wanted to get a pair of heels for some photos, but it was too hard to work out the hem height of my dress allowing for flats and a heel.
Post # 14
I don’t think it’s an issue, and it doesn’t sound controlling at all, as you said he didn’t say you couldn’t wear heels or had to wear flats, he just said he would preferr you not be taller then him. He’s just insecure about it, and sharing his feelings, and that’s great that he’s talking to you about it.
Post # 15
@NatAndTy: I don’t think it’s controlling at all. And if it makes you feel any better, the same exact thing is going on with me. I’m 5’1″ and my fiance is 5’3″. He mentioned the same thing and I have no issues with it. I’ll do whatever it takes to make him feel more comfortable about his insecurities… and my feet will thank me, too!
Post # 16
That wasn’t controlling at all. He was just sharing his preference.