Do you think this is inappropriate or OK for a married man to do?

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7664 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

There is nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex. We are not beasts who rut when our SO’s backs are turned… we are rational beings with self-control who, I hope, see people as people, and not just by their gender. If Tammy were a man, I would not see a problem. Why is there an issue just because she’s a woman?

To me, the only issue here is Mike’s awful marriage. Jealous wife, unhappy husband… if he does look elsewhere then it’s because his current relationship sucks and he wants a way out, not because he drives a co-worker around in his car.

Post # 4
Member
3013 posts
Sugar bee

@fzesguer:  honestly, my first reaction was to wonder why you care. It has nothing to do with you. If I was his wife I wouldn’t be happy about it, mostly due to people like you whispering about it. 

Post # 5
Member
86 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

Even if he isnt “physically” cheating, I think you’re right. That’s how emotional cheating can start. A marriage counselor I spoke to told me when his clients are having problems he tells them to take car trips together. You get close to someone being the only two in that car…as weird as that sounds. He also told me he had a client who was happily married and droev a woman to work everyday as a friend- but the married couple came into their office when he cheated. He said he still loved his wife but he hadn’t realized how easily he fell in love with the other woman. 

Long story short- If i was the wife I don’t think I’d be super happy but maybe I’m overly cautious :/

Post # 6
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@fzesguer:  To me, the most worrying thing in your post is in regards to your FI “ he got some texts from Tammy today, and he promptly hid his phone from me.”

 

 

 

Post # 7
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I don’t think it’s a big deal.  Married people can have friends of the opposite sex. 

Post # 8
Member
2419 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I truly don’t understand the thinking behind why married men have to avoid the company of single women lest they all turn into ravening beasts. If Mike is unhappily married and chooses to cheat on his wife, the opportunities to do so will be many and varied. But giving a colleague a lift home from a softball game is neither inappropriate nor evidence that an affair is the inevitable conclusion. Also, it really isn’t your business.

Oh, and i’d also be rather less worried about what is going on in other people’s marriages and consider why your own FI is now hiding texts from you. That’s a red flag if ever there was one! 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Totally OK in my book. I have no issue with my H having friends of the opposite sex or spending time alone with them.

At the end of the day if someone is going to cheat they are going to cheat. Placing restrictions on their life to try to control them or restricting every possible temptation is not going to stop them.

Worrying about so called temptations/situations is only going to put strain on a relationship and possibly turn a person into an emotional wreck that see’s threats everywhere and turn their partner off.

Post # 11
Member
8720 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@mamadingdong:  I was also trying to figure out why OP cared. I dont get into other people’s business unless it will directly affect me. I dont watch others either. 

Post # 13
Member
376 posts
Helper bee

@gelaine22:  I think that may actually be the crux of what’s up with OP…

Post # 15
Member
3598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wouldn’t give a crap if someone else’s husband was doing this, but it would not be ok with me for my husband to be doing what Mike is doing.  And if you’re hiding texts, you’re doing something you shouldn’t be.  Tammy’s trouble.

 

Post # 16
Member
7406 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@NekoKitten:  He is probably hiding his phone due to the reaction the OP had when they discussed Mike’s situation. He probably doesn’t want a lecture/arguement since they have differing opinions on the subject. 

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