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I have a close friend who is absolutely obsessed with weddings and rings and getting engaged. (I mean, we all are at some point. We all obsess over it on WeddingBee, but 24/7 she is OBSESSED and only talks about rings I know her Bf can't afford.)
Today she text messaged me and asked me what size diamond I have on my ring. I told her, because I wasn't sure how to respond. My center diamond is about a .62 almost perfect diamond, colorless...very fire-y and sparkly. It is, I guess, a little small. The setting does have 2 side pear-shaped diamonds, along with baguets across the band, and micropave on the sides. It's pretty blinged out! And I know how hard my FI worked to get it for me, it means so much, but I thought the question was still a little weird.
Well, she responds with a "Oh, well, I mean, it looks bigger than that. We just looked at a .90 ct diamond, and it's x-amount of $." Seriously, that's ALL she replied with.
I keep looking at my ring now, feeling a little...oh, I don't know, put off by her comment. I don't think it's ever right for someone to ask what size diamond you have. I mean, can't you just tell by looking at it? :/ I know when I put my e-ring with my dream wedding ring it's going to be ICED OUT! :) But ... ugh, people are so inconsiderate sometimes. I feel like she always wants to one-up me.
So rude! She's obviously feeling competitive about it. So immature.
I think that was pretty rude of her. Don't let her crappy comments make you feel put off about your ring!
Not OK at all, in my opinion, unless you have that kind of relationship with one another. But even then, proceed with caution, as it can be a sensitive topic . . .
After I got my ring my aunt asked if my fiance had a lot of money. I felt really embarassed. It's about what you love not how much or how big. Her lucky fiance!
I think the way she did it was especially rude. My BIL asked me one day and I was like, why so you can buy a bigger one for your gf? You better not buddy, lol!
Thanks, ladies.
I also thought of one other rude comment my SPANISH professor of all people said to me. He saw it and goes, "Wow, he spent a LOT of money on that!" and winked. Um, well, I know how much he spent...but couldn't he just tell me it was pretty? So awkward!
For me...it would be rude in all cases...but I would tolerate it depending on who asked. My little sister b/c we talk about everything...but that's about it.
If you are super close to the person and they are asking with good intentions, then yes. But obviously her intentions were not so innocent. Pretty rude.
I voted on it depends because if you had a friend who was genuinely trying to gauge what size diamond looks good on her finger, or what a diamond the size of yours costs or asks any other pertinent (but not competitive) question, then to me, that seems like it would be okay. But this girl just seems very competitive. Don't let her demean your gorgeous ring!!!
Some people are all about numbers and price tags, if you love your ring that's all that matters :o)
I think there's a tactful way to ask and the intent matters. I asked a friend before I got my ring, while my FI and I were starting to look at rings, because I thought the size looked perfect on her hand. I wasn't trying to compare anything, just researching. I think your friend's response shows she's not only researching, she's trying to one up you, and that part is rude. I'm sorry she did that. Your ring sounds just GORGEOUS btw, you should post a pic if you haven't already somewhere else on here :)
Totally rude! I don't think it is necessarily rude to ask about diamond size but it has to be done tactfully and her response was not tactful!
Eh... it depends on who asks you. Several people have asked... or hinted until I answered about mine. My mom, my brother's FI, and a few of my close friends. I didn't take it as anything but genuine curiousity. I'd be curious! And it wasn't at all snarky on any of their parts.
I hear ya. I've always considered it rude to ask but I've had all my close friends ask at some point or another. I don't know if they feel they should be allowed to know or what. It always makes me uncomfortable. Oh well.... don't let it bug you, she is probably just jealous!
It's highly rude to ask. It's no one's business what size it is aor how much was paid for it.
As a few others have said, I think the only time it's okay is if someone is asking in order to decide what size will look best on them. I honestly don't see the appeal of huge solitares. My fav rings are the ones that have interesting designs or beautiful stories that make the ring/stone important.
When we were pricing rings, I asked some of my close friends what size diamonds they had, because I'm used to seeing their rings, and I've never thought about diamonds before, so I had no idea what a carat meant. It wasn't meant in a judg-y way, and they knew that. It was just to get a feel for what size really means in the diamond world.
In this case, this chick was definitely rude in asking bc of her response...How obnoxious!!! If I were you, I would've responded with something to the effect of "I'd rather have my ring NOW then not be engaged and waiting..." I'm sure that would've shut her up...Anyways, I'm sorry your friend was so rude about your e-ring, it sounds lovely from your description!
I agree with trail mix, in this case, I think her response was (very!) rude, not necessarily the question. I have no problem telling people how big my ring is if they ask, but I would certainly become defensive/upset if they seemed to have a judge-y attitude about my answer, As for how much it cost, I don't usually tell people that because it would upset my FI--he's very private about money. So I usually try to dodge that question somehow.
The way she asked was extremely rude, I think there are ways that aren't so bad but that was not one. Your ring sounds beautiful! My FMIL asked how big my center stone was also and I still found it rude and then it made me feel like she didn't think it was adequate. I know exactly how you feel.
very rude!! and i think my response would be i have no earthly idea.. it's larger than i expected though.. or something like that i don't know... i remember when i was into appearances etc, it's definitely not the size that matters ESPECIALLY when you have sparkle potential, and i think to tell someone hey we just looked at a larger one treats it as a competition and getting a ring etc is not. i wonder if she was saying it because yours looks larger and maybe she thought the jeweler was trying to jip you, i mean who knows...
Very rude! and I am guessing that she is just jealous. You should have written back and told her that it's more than what she's got on her finger presently! OK,OK that was mean.
I agree with what you said, mine is less than 1 carat as well, but thwe diamond is very good clarity and a very good quality diamond. I would rather have my diamond than one that is bigger but not as good quality.
Don't let her get you down!
I don't think it is rude to ask. I've not gotten offended when people have asked me. If you aren't comfortable telling anyone how big it is, then don't tell them. But I don't see the harm in anyone asking.
I agree...if the person is a close friend, a caring friend, or just would like to know for their own help (like one woman said - maybe trying to figure out exactly what she likes in size, etc....I know because I'm ignorant of jewelry things too). If you get that sense that someone is just trying to size YOU up or make themselves feel better......anything that would not be nice to you, then play the dumb card :)
I say it depends. I've asked friends how big their diamonds are and friends ask me. It's not like we're doing it to be rude...we're curious because typically this all happens when we're looking to get bling on our fingers, too.
Strangers, no. Not cool. But sometimes you just want to know...whether it's to oggle a little or go, "oh, so THAT'S what 2 carats look like...."
I asked my friend what she had and she had a 1.5 carat princess....she wasn't offended at all. I was paying her a compliment!
I wouldn't ask the carat size on a woman who had a smaller diamond ring or solitaire simply because I know mine is big, and I wouldn't want her thinking that i was asking her to put her down, just to compare it to mine and belittle her. I'd feel really rude going, "omg how big is that?" and her going "oh it's 1 carat" or something when I have almost 4 on my finger, ya know? I think you can tell when someone is being nosy versus genuinely curious in a complimentary kind of way.
I dunno. If someone watns to know how big my ring is (or if it's real) i just tell them. They can gawk all they want or secretly dislike it. I don't care. It's like when peopel ask me how tall I am. And I do get comments like, 'wow he paid a lot for that didn't he?" and i say, "well he spent a year and a half in Iraq before he bought it and promised me something sparkly when he returned" with a coy smile and that's it. Or I tell them he's a captain in the army. You can look his pay grade up online and see he makes good money. What you make's not really a secret when you're in the military.
Your friend sounds like she was being RUDE though.
In her case it was rude, but its not always with bad intention. I have friends that ask me and try it on so they can gauge what size diamond looks good on them. That I dont mind, but I know they arent comapring and they are my friends.
But get this - I have a friend who has 2 separate groups of friends - us, since elementary school, and her new friends. In her OTHER group, 3 of them are married or engaged. The largest of their stones is 1.55 carats, but they are all right around there. They actually told her, "You know when you get engaged your BF cant buy you a bigger stone than 1.55 carats right? That wouldnt be fair to the rest of us..." HOW IGNORANT IS THAT?! We kepe trying to tell her she doesnt need friends like that (Serious, 2 of them stopped talking because one couple spent more money to buy their house, 2 are sisters and one sister upgraded her ring because the other sister got a quarter carat larger than her...ridiculous). If a friend of mine got a ring larger than mine (actually one does) I would be THRILLED for her...jsut as thrilled if she got a plain band - its the engagement that counts. People are absurd with their competitveness and diamonds. Who cares?
I don't necessarily think it is a rude question in general, but can be a question that is rudely asked. A few of my friends asked in an excited and kind manner, a few people already figured out what the carat weight was and asked just to confirm their guess, which didn't bother me from those particular people. It's when people ask me the question in a way that makes me uncomfortable that makes me clam up. Usually I just end up smiling and telling them he gave me the perfect ring.
I think it's rude for anyone to ask. An engagement isn't about the ring it's about making a commitment to eachother and wanting to spend the rest of your life together. With that said Firemanslady...my ring is a .66 flawless center stone with diamond pave setting that makes it 1 ct tw. I love my ring, it's perfect for me and wouldn't want anything else. Be proud of your ring that your man worked so hard to get and when your friend asks about it again just say it's about the man not the ring.
Who really wants their future husband to go into debt for an e-ring? not me!
It depends. In your case, WAY RUDE.
For example, a couple of close friends have asked me and followed up with, "you don't have to answer if you're not comfortable!" Of course I told them ;o)
Under the circumstances, she was rude! Some people asked me (and I wasn't offended) - those people included my mom, my sister, and my best friend.
It depends. Your situation: definitely rude!
I'd say sometimes people ask because they don't know what else to ask.
It definitely depends on the person asking.
I'm certain that I'll be asked by people I don't want to tell, because they're the sorts of people that are allll about keeping up appearances and gossiping, and we all know they'll find *something* negative to say about it. Or go on about how "cute" it is, because I am a small child wearing a gumball machine ring.
Jerks.
I think when it is my time, my answer will be "big enough for me."
I think the only way it could be okay is if you're approaching it as Daydreamwanderer described. I didn't know anything about diamonds before, and my e-ring is like 6 diamonds in a row that are so teeny I don't even know what size they are. So I still barely know!
I also think there is no excuse because there is always the internet. You can find out anything on the internet. It's better, in my opinion, not to run the risk. Just ask your friend Google.
i agree in that it depends on the situation.Her remark did seem kinda rude though. Some one once said that my ring was cute but she wanted "a big ring"? I simply said "that's good" and "i love my ring" I think it made FI feel good hearing that because i know too that he put alot of effort into picking the perfect ring for me. Of couse she said she didn't mean it in a bad way but still....i think u get the picture.
I don't think it's rude to ask, per se. But not over a text message! I would have said 5 carats.
I think the only person that asked me was my sister, and she was a little embarrassed to ask. She and her bf had been guessing about my ring size, but they are also ring shopping and I knew they were trying to get a feel for diamond sizes. I told her, with confidence. I love my ring and my fi spent a lot of hard earned money on it. I think she is probably the only person I'd talk to about it.
No one will ever make me feel bad for having a .63 carat on my finger. And they will be sorry if they try. It's got to be one of my biggest pet peeves for people who focus on money and making judgements, rather than celebrating and congratulating you on this big step in your life.
It sounds like she was being pretty rude and competitive, and I would have felt just as awkward answering. Unless you're really close to the person, go to a store to figure out sizing and what looks good on your hand.
ugh...her intent and response was SO RUDE. It is that kind of competition that my FI did NOT want to foster, so I have an engagement "ring" necklace. (Although I think the number one reason is that I don't wear rings & explicitly told him that I didn't want one - no offense to "ringed" brides; they are BEAUTIFUL, just not for me)
Since I'm not into rings, I don't know of a situation where it's okay to ask...IMO, that kind of question falls into the same realm as "How much do you make?", "What do you drive?" (ala Swingers), & "Are you STILL a virgin?". The tone/lack of a polite lead-in is meant to make the responder feel uncomfortable...intentionally making anyone feel uncomfortable is RUDE, no matter what the circumstance.
My friend has a 1 ct diamond and mentions it every so often. I think that's just as rude as asking someone else's size.
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