Post # 1
So FH was away in another city for the weekend at a work conference for the company he works for with people from all over the country. It was basically 9-5 Friday, 9-5 Saturday and then a company party on the Saturday night till midnight with free alcohol etc.
So FI gets home Sunday, I’m pissed off at him cause he never called me (really another point entirely) so I don’t really ask him about the weekend at all and what he got up to in detail.
He goes to work on Monday and then when he gets home he tells me Lola (a female he met on this work conference, not her real name, lives in a different city) called him at work today. I was like okay, um why? And he said he had been seated next to her at the conference and so they’d made friends. So I’m like okay, you went away and had a friend to talk to, that’s cool, but now you’re home and the conference is over, why is she calling you? He said she was just wanting to make sure he got home okay cause a group of them had gone out to town after the party and they’d gotten separated at some point and she hadn’t seen him on the Sunday morn, though the same could be said for a lot of other people that were in the group. I think this is a tad odd but I’m like okay, she was just checking he got home safe, not a biggy. Then The NEXT day she txts him all “Hiiiiiiiii 🙂 It’s Lola! How are you?”. Now this has me weirded out for multiple reasons – a. she stalked his number down in the national work system to txt him, b. she had just spoken on the phone with him the day before, don’t think much would’ve changed in how he is and c. they’d just been at a work conference for two days, cool that they had someone to talk to while they were there but it’s done for the year, move on!
Now here’s where I’m feeling uneasy..is she just a total weirdo who thinks it’s appropriate for all this communication with my fiance after just meeting him at a work thing on the weekend or do you think she has a thing for him or do you think my fiance behaved while away in a way that makes her think this constant communication would be appropriate?
As i mentioned earlier, the party had free alcohol and they went into town afterwards, I know my fiance was incredibly drunk, when he’s drinking he makes stupid decisions and doesn’t always behave in ways i consider appropriate and he’s already told me he was so drunk he can’t remember everything that happened that night.
I’m just not really sure what to think right now..I trust my fiance wouldn’t have cheated on me with this girl but it’s possible he behaved in an inappropriate way to encourage this behaviour. Or is she just weird? Other colleagues from his workplace here had gone away too and hung out with people etc and they’re not getting txts and calls from these work conference pals.
What do you bees think?
Post # 3
I would worry more about how he responds to the behavior now than what he did over the weekend. Is he shutting down any advances? Is he ignoring her texts/calls? Or is he doing something to encourage her to continue contacting him?
Post # 4
Sometimes I’m overly friendly with people, not in a “I want to get in your pants” kind of way, but just because I can be friendly and like to talk to people. From the sounds of it, your FI was probably nice to her so she thought they got along good and she might have thought that he was a new work friend she could talk to.
I definitely don’t think he cheated though, just based on what you know she’s said to him.
Post # 5
I think its possible he gave her his number. If it bothers him, he can tell her to stop calling.
Post # 6
I don’t know man, chicks are really weird and clingy especially with guys who they know are taken. They have a radar and if they are ALREADY weird they will be super weird when they are drunk. I have a feeling (althought obviously only 2 people really know what went down on the weekend) that she is just a creeper hoping something will happen between them. He told you immediately that she was texting him so he isn’t trying to hide it. I say chalk it up to crazy biatches unless you have a reason to think otherwise!
Post # 7
I don’t necessarily think your FI did anything to encourage her behavior other than being a nice friendly human being (but I don’t know your FI and am assuming he’s a decent guy).
I see why you have a problem with the situation though because it is a bit weird, and it could verge on being inappropriate. Go ahead and tell your FI you feel weird about the situation and don’t like it.
Post # 8
First of all, she does sound a little crazy.
Secondly, I completely agree with asscherlover. Whether or not he flirted a little bit when he was drunk doesn’t really matter at this point as long as he doesn’t reciprocate the communications in the “flirty” or “overly friendly” manner.
Post # 9
Sounds like you should talk to your FI about this. I assume you are pretty suspicious of him since you went through his phone and saw the text from her? Has he given you other reasons to be suspicious? Why can’t you just ask him?
Post # 10
He doesn’t think it’s as strange as i do! He probably thinks I’m just being jealous or something, but it’s not about that, I would still think it strange if it were a guy. And if this girl txt in a month or two and asked how he was it wouldn’t be so strange. But it’s just the whole away at work conference Fri/Sat, he gets back Sun, she calls him on Mon, she txts him on Tues. I just think it’s super over the top! If I went on a work conference and made friends with a guy who had a fiance (or even if he didn’t) I certainly wouldn’t be calling him as soon as I possibly could and stalking down his number to txt him. If he hadn’t given me his number to contact him, I would leave it. If he had, I would maybe give him a txt every so often to see how he was, but even then, probably not unless I had been interested in him.
Post # 11
I dont think its appropriate…and I would be irritated too. I think ppl need to understand boundaries, and to me it isnt appropriate to be sending non-work related texts to an engaged guy. I keep thinking of Jessica Alba’s character in “Little Fockers” : )
Post # 12
Tell him it bothers you and see what he says.
Post # 13
No he told me that she had txted him. I definitely don’t think my FI is interested in her in an inappropriate way, but I just know his behaviour when drunk and he makes stupid decisions. He can’t remember everything that happened that night so couldn’t really tell me. Like i said earlier, I’m not worried that he cheated on me or anything that extreme at all, but I’m just like can this girl really be this strange or would he had to have been being a bit over friendly for this sort of behaviour from her.
Post # 14
It’s pretty unusual for flirting to go this far unless FH has given off some signals that it’s ok. He could have nipped this in the bud easily. I’m not saying he’s cheated, but I think he has flirted inappropriately. It’s now up to him to give the signals to get her to back off.
BTW I think getting drunk at a work party is never a good idea.
Post # 15
Only those two know what happened. I really can’t speculate. Maybe she got the wrong impression? I don’t know .
Post # 16
He needs to respond, I’m doing great, just had dinner with my wife.
I’m doing great, just went to the mall and bought my wife a new coach purse.
Work is great, been super busy, my wife is making me my favorite dinner tonight, can’t wait to eat and spend the night with her.
I’m doing great, going out for a beer with the guys then my awesome wife is meeting us at the bar for a late night snack.
She will get the point real fast, no drama, just respond but always seem to bring you up.