Post # 1
I am in need of your opinions. My man and I are getting legally married in 9 days (here back home), but our actual wedding isn’t for another 3 weeks in Mexico. I called my Nana last night to tell her that we had booked our legal marriage with the Justice of the Peace to happen on my Grandpa’s birthday. She was totally shoked and exclaimed, “What!? Your wedding in Mexico isn’t going to be your real wedding??” I almost gave the woman a heart attack. I explained that yes, it will be my real wedding just not my legal one. Despite this fact she has said that she thinks I should keep this information to myself or it will ruin the luster of the day for everyone. She thinks it will be less special.
What do you all think? I don’t want to lie to anyone, but do you think it’s best to keep this one to ourselves? My mom already knows and so do a couple of our groomsmen who are coming to sign as our witnesses. I think part of me will feel silly for acting as if we aren’t already married and part of me would feel silly for acting like we already are…FI wants to wear his band after the legal ceremony…
Post # 3
I think it’s best to keep it to yourself. I think most destination weddings happen this way, but I don’t think people realize it.
Post # 4
I think that if someone asks, then share. I don’t think they’ll suddenly cancel their trip to MX to witness your wedding. Most people don’t realize that most destination weddings happen this way, so I wouldn’t say anything unless they brought it up.
They shouldn’t really get mad about this, though. I mean, do they get miffed if the couple doesn’t sign the marriage certificate RIGHT DURING the wedding?
Post # 5
I think that this is common with destination weddings, since getting the licence sometimes has a waiting period and some people dont like to travel with all of the documents required. I don’t know if I would send out a memo to everyone, but I would let your FI wear his ring and be honest if you are asked. I don’t think it makes a difference and your wedding in Mexico will still be special.
Post # 6
Just explain that you signed the papers.
This country has a separation of church and state, and you are just being patriotic.
Post # 7
Um, don’t you have to do insane amounts of complicated paperwork to get married in another country and have it be legal in the States? If anyone fusses, just tell them it was for legal reasons, but that you consider the mexico wedding to be your “real” wedding and that that’s the anniversary you’ll celebrate.
I voted for the tell the truth but only if they bring it up type option, which I think is the perfect solution.
Post # 8
@ddw: If anyone fusses, just tell them it was for legal reasons, but that you consider the mexico wedding to be your “real” wedding and that that’s the anniversary you’ll celebrate.
Post # 9
There is no reason it should be brought up at all. Have you ever asked someone “Are you legally married already”. Keep it to yourself…
Post # 10
Keep it to yourself. I think making a big announcement to everyone would be really annoying for you.
Post # 11
I would only share if asked.
Post # 12
Honestly, I voted for the first option. I went through this (we “postponed” our big wedding) but got legally married anyway. I felt a little awkward about it- but people need to relax. When your ‘real” wedding is- is up to you. But I also understand if you don’t want to risk more drama.
About the ring- DH wore his the entire time we were engaged- so I think it is fine for your FI to wear his whenever he wants. That is sweet he want to “get it on”… his finger. 🙂 It really is no one’s business, what the specifics are of the legal situation/ when you are technically married- so I think it is totally up to you- but it is about being comfortable- do what you want and be comfortable with it/ do what makes you comfortable- just be married once you legally are and expect some people might be funky, or don’t tell anyone and just be okay with feeling weird. Good luck though! It is okay whatever you decide to do.
Post # 13
I think you should never decive your guests. This is even more so true when you are asking them to spend hundreds of dollars to go to Mexico. I would be furious to find out I had been invited to, and attended a wedding in Mexico, and later found out it wasn’t really a wedding.
A wedding is what changes your status from single to married legally. This is true whether it takes place at city hall, in a JOP office, or a big church with 100’s of guests. The rest is just a party, a celebration or possibly a vow renewal.
There is definitely a possibility that there will be exremely hurt feelings, and upset with your guests to find out they have been deceived.
Post # 14
I have friends who secretly eloped and had a “real” wedding a year and a half later. I was the only one in attendance who knew they were already married (well, except the priest, they discussed it with him and he gave them the all-clear). It’s not worth the explanation to everyone, just go and have a good time.
Post # 15
We aren’t telling anyone but our friend who is marrying us. He knows that it’s our wedding, and that we’ll be getting married on our own. (actually getting married a week after our wedding, but hey!)
I just feel like a lot of people will discount our day if we’re not ‘actually’ getting married. I want it to be just as special as if we were getting really married that day.
ETA: I would only say something if asked. My concern is people won’t see us sign a marriage license, but who cares?
Post # 16
Okay, so it’s not like you’re getting legally married a year ahead of time and then having a big shindig and acting like you haven’t been married the whole time (which we did consider for health insurance reasons, but didn’t do).
You are completing the logistical steps necessary a few WEEKS (not months or years) ahead of time to make it possible to get married in another country. Anyone with any common sense would understand if you are getting married in a different country, chances are it’s not recognized as a legal marriage in the states, so you would either need to visit city hall prior to or after the actual wedding.
I would personally not bring it up unless someone asks. You’re real wedding is the one where you are pledging your lives to each other in front of your friends and family. Enjoy your day and anyone who has an issue with this is just a troublemaker, IMHO.