Post # 1
FI is the older child of two, and I am the younger of two. He has a little sister, and I have an older brother. In many ways, I’m the typical youngest. Easygoing, good sense of humor, maybe a tad less responsible. He is somewhat like a typical oldest and is very consicientious and tends to take on the protector role. Lately though, I feel like I have 3 parents (4 if you count the bossy oldest child I’m related to). FI nags me about making phone calls, taking my medication, homework, whatever. While I’m certainly not perfect, I think I generally do alright. He says he’s trying to help, I say it’s annoying. I thought oldest/youngest was supposed to be a really compatible combination but I’m starting to see where that can not hold true. He definitely grounds me some, and I bring a lot more adventure to his life, but I find myself driven nuts and feeling treated like a child.
Post # 2
In short: YES. Child order definitely has an effect on our relationship.
I’m the oldest. He’s the middle child. I like to take the lead, then he gets frustrated when he thinks I’m not listening to him or giving him enough attention. It’s pretty funny, actually. It doesn’t have any negative effect, it’s just the way it is.
If he’s driving you nuts, you need to tell him to back off. As the oldest, we feel responsible. Always! It’s been his life experience to try and look after the younger ones. But if he’s going too far, tell him to knock it off, you are NOT a child and he should be respecting your grown-up decisions.
And hey, if you do keep forgetting to make phone calls or take meds, it’s your choice. You are an adult.
There is a difference between being an “oldest” mentality and being a “bully”. Just make sure you know which he is trying to be.
Post # 3
JackiBean: he really is trying to help, not bully, but he can’t seem to take a hint (or even a very direct answer) when he needs to back off. I admit my life was a little less structured when I met him 3 years ago. He was clearly the responsible one. But I was also not even a year out of college, not sure what I wanted to do, and dealing with a lot from the past. I feel I’ve grown a lot as a person. Yeah, my laundry may not be done very often, but I am taking care of the important things. I have 2 jobs and earned a 4.0 last semester, I volunteer, I do a lot! I was not at all dissatisfied with how much I got done on my day off today, and I felt proud of myself.
Post # 4
Ours kinda does, but I never thought about it until now. I’m the youngest, just one older sister but she’s 8 years older. My DH is the middle child of 5. He has one older sister, one older brother, one younger brother, and one younger sister. I am the typical youngest, babied by my parents and spoiled within our means. My sister was out of control growing up, so I made it easier for my parents’ sake. DH is very much the middle child. He wasn’t spoiled at all, and he often feels like his parents don’t love him as much, still to this day. So he tries to spoil me and he spoils himself too. It doesn’t negatively affect us, but it plays a roll in how we behave. I try to spoil him and make him feel more loved every day.
Post # 5
I’m the oldest of my parents’ two children, and FI is the youngest of 3. We work well together. I’m generally the planner and organizer, and he is more easygoing.
Post # 6
I am an only child and DH’s siblings are significantly older than him- making him effectively raised as an only child. Our daughters are 8 years apart from each other- so they too are similar to “onlys”. Our family therapist says we are a family if only children, which creates an interesting dynamic!
Post # 7
I am in the middle and so is he! But, the way he grew up was not always like that. When he was younger he was the youngest. Then he moved and had a younger brother, so he was in the middle. Then he was just with the younger brother, so he was the oldest? He still seems like a middle child to me. He longs for my attention, which sometimes annoys me. I actually got used to not getting attention, so I am always surprised when I do, haha! He is more of a peacemaker than I am, even though I am as well. We are both sensitive, but he hides his better than I do. We both try to take care of each other as much as we can. It works out well because we can understand each other very well. He is the first of his brothers to get married, which surprised some folks. I am very glad that we are so similar…
Post # 8
This is interesting. We’re both the youngest of one other same-sex sibling (I have one older sister, he has one older brother) and we get along with each other better than we do with any other people!
Post # 9
Ironically we are both the third child but that makes him the youngest in his family whereas I am the middle child in mine. I think that I definitely act like the older child though because my whole family says I always thought I was the oldest even though I have two older sisters and a younger brother. It works well for us in the since that I push him to get shit done and am much more organized/the leader. That being said I am also a lot more crazy and outgoing. He is the youngest child that was very reserved and quiet and let his brothers get all of the attention so he actually grounds me a lot and helps me be less rigid.
I think moreso than birth order its the way we were raised that shaped our personalities and helps us be ying and yang for each other. He is not a typical youngest child and I am not a typical middle child, but we balance each other very well.
Post # 10
Yes!<br />Im the older of two siblings (with a younger brother) and SO is an only child. Im def. the typical older sister of brother. Im def. a type A and SO is way more carefree than I. We have the same level of temper though but at this point we learned to communicate better. Sometimes, I def. mother him even though he is 6 years older than me lOl
Post # 11
Laurenplusalex: I think it definitely plays a role in relationships. FI and I have very similar families. We are both one of four, with larger age gaps between two siblings and then very close in age with one siblings. My older sisters are eight and six years older than I am and my brother is two years younger; FI’s oldest brother is fourteen years older than him and his sister is eight years older than him and then he has an older brother by two years.
FI is typical youngest child in every sense of the word, whereas I am the typical middle child (with a touch of oldest child due to the fact that from the time I was fourteen it was just my brother and I living at home).
Post # 12
I think my birth order affects my relationship, but DBF’s doesn’t really affect his. I’m the youngest of four children; I have an older sister and two older brothers, and I fit the youngest stereotype a little too well. Until recently, I was quite irresponsible compared to my oldest siblings at my age, and I’ve always been really spoiled.
On the other hand, DBF is the second of three sons. However, due to the specific age gaps in his family, his birth order matters a lot less. DBF’s younger brother is two years younger, which means they grew up doing many more the same things at around the same time (my older sister is 11 years older, and my eldest brother is 9 years older, so I only had the same interests at the same time with my other older brother, who is around 2 and a half years older). More importantly, IMO, DBF’s older brother is only 8 minutes older – they’re twins!
Personally, while I believe that birth order can influence personalities and relationships, it won’t always do so, especially if you’re applying this perspective to families with multiple births or larger age gaps where not all siblings were raised in the same household. Another example from my family: my dad is the youngest child in his family by far, but was raised like an only child. He has two brothers ranging from 18-20 years older, and his sister is 14 years older. Despite the fact that he is quite close to his sister today, he was primarily raised in a different country than his eldest brother, and he didn’t meet his other brother until he was six years old! If his sister didn’t help out as much with raising him and if they weren’t coworkers as adults, they’d have a much more distant relationship. In fact, I’ve even told my dad that if my aunt were another uncle, that their relationship would be nothing to speak of, and he agreed.
Post # 13
I definitely think birth order shapes a person. Within DH’s family, the oldest married the oldest, the middle married a middle, the youngest married a youngest. Meaning they all married partners matching their birth order.
Because the oldest tends to be the bossy outgoing leader, the middle is the forgotten and often wild child, and youngest is the spoiled one. LOL i probably just offended people but thats just what i have noticed in most families. I think i have one ever dated an oldest or middle child (i am a middle). They feel my pain ahhahah.
Post # 14
For sure!!! I’m the oldest and DH is the middle child! And it translates in our relationship
Post # 15
Luvdisc: I admit to be a little too”typical youngest” as well, and even more so in the past. Learning to live with college roommates was tough since I didn’t clean up after myself. I wasn’t deliberately being inconsiderate, but as a child, if I left something out, it usually got magically put away for me. Of course I didn’t expect my roomie to do that, but I just had a habit of not putting things away. I’m really thankful I lived outside of my parents’ home for a bit before meeting FI, since I’m so much more aware of my slightly spoiled past and I’m more of a team player now.
i don’t know if this is youngest vs oldest or personality, but I’m a spender and he’s a saver. My parents are the same. Mom (oldest in her family) is not a cheapskate, but is frugal, and my dad, who is the baby of the family, likes to spend generously. I would say that both savers, in general, had a more savings and money focused set of parents (my maternal grandparents and FI’s parents). Although my dad’s parents lived comfortably and saved quite a bit, money wasn’t brought up much around the children.