Post # 1
Last night my MIL called and in the course of conversation with DH and I mentioned that she thought our wedding pictures were just lovely, the photog did a great job etc etc etc but she says “my photographer was much better!” See– she just got married in October and asked me to photograph her wedding. I do NOT photograph weddings and it was just a favor to her– I am well aware I am not a pro photographer and so she was very obviously just being nice. I was like “haha thats nice of you to say” and my husband said something like “oh whatever she’s good but our photographer was better!” and the convo goes on.
Later last night:
I was teasing him saying that he was a meany for saying I suck as a photographer (he didn’t say that) and told him he should’ve said that I’m the best ever just because he’s my husband. I was not really upset here, just teasing. He’s like “yea you’re good. he’s better. I don’t lie.”
Which got us into a discussion about “nice lies.” I told him I thought it was okay (and sometimes even nice) to “lie” about certain things. Like… I know I’m not REALLY a great photographer (yet) but it would have been nice if he’d pretended I was. Or like saying “this is the best lasagna I’ve ever had” or “you’re hotter than jake gyllenhaal” etc. Things you KNOW aren’t true but are said just to be funny/cute. He took a surprisingly hard line on this and said lying is lying and he never wants to be anything less than totally honest with me because we should always be able to trust every word out of each others’ mouths.
I still think nice lies are harmless– but it really doesn’t bother me that he’s not into them. Just curious how everyone else feels about this topic 🙂
Post # 3
I am not a big fan of even nice lies. The FH makes a funny face when he knows he has to tell me the truth but I am not going to like it. If I am not a fan of something, I tell the truth or nothing at all. Shoot, I just called my mom the other night to tell her I didn’t like her new photography web site. She was alittle hurt at first, but after that I helped her with a buyers perspective so it all turned out for the best.
Post # 4
I’d take the truth. We are both very blunt and don’t like to sugarcoat things. J has said things in the past that I was kind of taken back by, but it was nothing serious.
One thing is that I take pride in my cooking. I love it and I know I’m a good cook. Well, I made chicken salad that he didn’t care for. I found it to be great though. I was upset that he didn’t like it, but for the simple fact that I’m a pleaser. But he still hasn’t let me not hear about how much he’s hated the chicken salad. It’s getting annoying, but I know he’s doing it for fun (in his eyes). But he’s responses are usually “what would you rather me lie?!”. Can’t say that I do. I don’t like to look like a fool. I guess it’s because I’ve been lied to so many times when others have known the truth.
Post # 5
Hmm, I think it depends on who it is from and the situation. If I’m asking my mom or best friend for honesty, I would not like a “nice” lie. But, usually, I think they are fine. Who doesn’t like a self-esteem booster?? It’s not like they are lying about something important.
Post # 6
We tell eachother nice lies all the time. Of course, its just for silly things. If we are asking honest opinions…we give them.
Post # 7
I feel the same way you do. I think the problem is that a lot of people are not actively self-reflective, and to say polite lies is to enable them in delusion.
But generally, in times like that, you want someone to be encouraging. I don’t think it’s about an active lie so much as just omitting the negative part. To repeatedly hear things like that, true or not, is disheartening and demotivating. You’re not asking for people to compare you to a great professional photographer so much as just not cut you down. Not that he was intentionally, but sometimes matter of fact can come across that way. And I say this as someone who strongly supports matter of fact-ness. I do think it is different in close, intimate relationships. Our partner is supposed to have our backs and then some, even if it means zipping the lip about the photog!
I also think this needs to be differentiated from actual serious discussion, such as “should I quit my day job and pursue photography” or something.
Post # 8
@beeautifullife: Agree! Who its coming from and what they are telling a “nice lie” about are important. From certain people and in certain situations, the little self-esteem boost from a “nice lie” is nice. But in most situations, I want people to tell me the truth, even if it might hurt a bit at first.
Post # 9
It depends on if it’s something I can change or not. If Dh tells me that he doesn’t like a certain shirt bc it makes my boobs look weird (the reasoning “It makes you look fat” is NEVER okay), then that’s fine because I can change into something else. But if I ask him to read a paper of mine after I submitted it already, then I don’t really want to hear “Well it’s good but you should have done xyz instead.”
Post # 10
Not all the time, but sometimes I would rather be lied to. If I just had the day from hell, and then my dinner doesn’t come out as good as I’d hoped, I would prefer he just tells me it’s just perfect. I know it’s not as good as it could be, but I would really appreciate that he’s trying to make my day better.
Post # 11
i don’t even think i’d call it a lie, its more like just being nice with a little extra boost
ps i want to see your pix! what camera do you use? i’ll nicely lie to you about your photos if you’d like lol (joking!)
Post # 12
@Amaryllis: agree! If I ACTUALLY thought I was super awesome then I’d be all for a real dose of honesty. My point was that silly nice lies are okay. The kind of thing that would make you laugh and say “omg you’re such a liar” but in a good way! I am not anti-honesty for important stuff or to give honest feedback that could help improve things. I’m just saying sometimes a “your hair looks better than jessica simpson’s today!” is totally appropriate 🙂
Post # 13
@CookieBee: lol I dunno if I”m allowed to post links here… if a mod wants to take this down bc it is self promotion then thats a-ok with me! I really don’t do much portrait work at all yet (but i’m going to do some shadowing/second shooting this summer yay!) and I have a lot of personal photos where I keep those anyways, but if you’d like to see some of my fun nature-y type stuff I have a flickr page here: http://www.flickr.com/clerksgrl . I shoot with a canon rebel xti. lusting over a 5dii but its not in the cards for a bit!
Post # 14
DH will NOT lie to me. Sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it is for the best overall.
Post # 15
In my case, I would almost always rather have the person say something that was nice, but still truthful. The only thing i have actually asked to be lied to about is the amount of workplace accidents that happen to people FI knows. I’d rather not worry that he’s going to fall off a building and die every time he goes to work in the morning. But he always insists on telling me these stories..
Post # 16
@CorgiTales: Your pictures are awesome.