(Closed) Do you want to be lied to?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: How do you feel about "nice" lies?
    Love them! We all know they aren't true but they're nice. : (22 votes)
    25 %
    Meh-- take it or leave it. : (29 votes)
    33 %
    Honesty is the best policy, even if it means you have to say YES your ass looks fat in that. : (34 votes)
    39 %
    obligatory "other" : (3 votes)
    3 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    14503 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I am not a big fan of even nice lies.  The FH makes a funny face when he knows he has to tell me the truth but I am not going to like it.  If I am not a fan of something, I tell the truth or nothing at all.  Shoot, I just called my mom the other night to tell her I didn’t like her new photography web site.  She was alittle hurt at first, but after that I helped her with a buyers perspective so it all turned out for the best.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3012 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I’d take the truth.  We are both very blunt and don’t like to sugarcoat things.  J has said things in the past that I was kind of taken back by, but it was nothing serious.  

    One thing is that I take pride in my cooking.  I love it and I know I’m a good cook.  Well, I made chicken salad that he didn’t care for.  I found it to be great though.  I was upset that he didn’t like it, but for the simple fact that I’m a pleaser.  But he still hasn’t let me not hear about how much he’s hated the chicken salad.  It’s getting annoying, but I know he’s doing it for fun (in his eyes).  But he’s responses are usually “what would you rather me lie?!”.  Can’t say that I do.  I don’t like to look like a fool.  I guess it’s because I’ve been lied to so many times when others have known the truth.

    Post # 5
    Member
    92 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Hmm, I think it depends on who it is from and the situation. If I’m asking my mom or best friend for honesty, I would not like a “nice” lie. But, usually, I think they are fine. Who doesn’t like a self-esteem booster?? It’s not like they are lying about something important.

    Post # 6
    Member
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    We tell eachother nice lies all the time. Of course, its just for silly things. If we are asking honest opinions…we give them.

    Post # 7
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I feel the same way you do. I think the problem is that a lot of people are not actively self-reflective, and to say polite lies is to enable them in delusion.

    But generally, in times like that, you want someone to be encouraging. I don’t think it’s about an active lie so much as just omitting the negative part. To repeatedly hear things like that, true or not, is disheartening and demotivating. You’re not asking for people to compare you to a great professional photographer so much as just not cut you down. Not that he was intentionally, but sometimes matter of fact can come across that way. And I say this as someone who strongly supports matter of fact-ness. I do think it is different in close, intimate relationships. Our partner is supposed to have our backs and then some, even if it means zipping the lip about the photog!

    I also think this needs to be differentiated from actual serious discussion, such as “should I quit my day job and pursue photography” or something.

    Post # 8
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    @beeautifullife: Agree!  Who its coming from and what they are telling a “nice lie” about are important.  From certain people and in certain situations, the little self-esteem boost from a “nice lie” is nice.  But in most situations, I want people to tell me the truth, even if it might hurt a bit at first.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It depends on if it’s something I can change or not. If Dh tells me that he doesn’t like a certain shirt bc it makes my boobs look weird (the reasoning “It makes you look fat” is NEVER okay), then that’s fine because I can change into something else. But if I ask him to read a paper of mine after I submitted it already, then I don’t really want to hear “Well it’s good but you should have done xyz instead.”

    Post # 10
    Member
    4693 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Not all the time, but sometimes I would rather be lied to.  If I just had the day from hell, and then my dinner doesn’t come out as good as I’d hoped, I would prefer he just tells me it’s just perfect.  I know it’s not as good as it could be, but I would really appreciate that he’s trying to make my day better.

    Post # 11
    Member
    374 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    i don’t even think i’d call it a lie, its more like just being nice with a little extra boost

     

    ps i want to see your pix! what camera do you use? i’ll nicely lie to you about your photos if you’d like lol (joking!)

    Post # 14
    Member
    7771 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    DH will NOT lie to me.  Sometimes my feelings get hurt, but I know it is for the best overall.

    Post # 15
    Member
    73 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: December 2011

    In my case, I would almost always rather have the person say something that was nice, but still truthful. The only thing i have actually asked to be lied to about is the amount of workplace accidents that happen to people FI knows. I’d rather not worry that he’s going to fall off a building and die every time he goes to work in the morning. But he always insists on telling me these stories..

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