(Closed) Do you want your SO to ask for your hand?

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Do you want your SO to ask for your hand?
    Yes - because it is personally important to me : (54 votes)
    33 %
    Yes - because I know it is important to my parent(s) : (50 votes)
    31 %
    Yes - other reason : (13 votes)
    8 %
    No - it's not important to me or my parents : (17 votes)
    10 %
    No - other reason : (29 votes)
    18 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2873 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: March 2011

    meh its sorta too fuddy duddy for my FI and I.

    He didnt ask, I didnt mind that he didnt ask and my parents didnt mind either.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1267 posts
    Bumble bee

    I chose No other.  It would be very important for me that my guy NOT ask my parents.  I dislike the reasoning behind it that I am property of my parents and he would like to purchase/keep/have/own me.  That’s where the tradition gets its roots and I find it distasteful for me.  My ex hubby knew that and this guy knows it, too.  I would assume that any guy that knows me enough to want to marry me would know that, though, lol!

    In my first marriage, my dad said he was mad because my ex didn’t ask him his permission for my ‘hand’ in marriage.  I laughed and said Dad, I wouldn’t marry him if he would!  which made him laugh, sigh and agree 😛

    Post # 5
    Member
    3564 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    It made my dad (and mom, but REALLY made my dad) so happy that he asked “permission”–it wasn’t really permission though it, was more “I love your daughter and I am going to ask her to marry me. Do I have your blessing to do so?”. DH knew that it was important to my parents, and because it was important to them, it was important to me. 

    Post # 6
    Member
    10288 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I voted for it was important to me and important to my parents. His asking for my hand was kind of a last minute thing but I’m very happy he did it. He called both of my parents the morning we were engaged. They knew the engagement was coming but they were both thrilled that he thought to ask.

    FI and I had been together for more than 5 years and lived together for almost as long when he proposed. We were (and still are) both 24 and were living independently for a long time. Even though we are both “adults”, we still felt that asking my parents was the right thing to do. 

    ETA: Like Hilsy, FI didn’t really “ask” either. It was more of a “I love your daughter and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. I’m planning on proposing tonight” type of thing. 

    Post # 7
    Member
    5096 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    No – it would have appalled me and my mom both (though my dad probably would have liked it) if my fiance had asked their permission!!  I was 30 years old and my own woman.  It also would have been strong evidence that he didn’t know me well enough to get married yet, lol.

    Post # 8
    Member
    1570 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 1996

    It was very important to me that he not ask my parents. It was about showing respect for me. And as a side note, I really wanted the excitement of breaking the surprise to my parents, and if they’d known ahead of time that wonderful moment could not have occurred.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3176 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    It was important to me that he asked. No real logical reason why but I wanted him to. Plus its a special moment for him and my dad now which makes me happy 🙂

    Post # 10
    Member
    1480 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2010

    I think it’s kind of antiquated and sexist, but I knew it was really important to my dad so DH asked him. My dad knows he doesn’t own or control me, but he was really happy that we considered his feelings on the matter.

    Post # 11
    Member
    40 posts
    Newbee

    When my grandmother was around 18 or 19, she had a serious boyfriend who had spoken to her mother and her aunt about proposing. Someone spilled the beans, and she was so upset about not being the first to know that she dumped him on the spot!

    Post # 13
    Member
    5494 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2011

    FI asked my Dad’s permission.  My Dad’s response was “do people still really ask?  She’s a grown woman, ask her.”  hahaha  that was sort of my thought too.  but i appreciate FI trying to be proper and take precautions not to offend anyone.

    Post # 14
    Member
    1297 posts
    Bumble bee

    I personally don’t care either way.  I only want him to ask and I told him this because my dad thinks he should ask him for my hand.

    Post # 15
    Member
    759 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    my father really could have cared less but FH asked. we had never talked about it either. but that’s just how he was raised and i liked that he asked. and my dad was impressed Smile

    Post # 16
    Member
    569 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    I told my FI that if he asked my dad for permission, I’d find out and there would be no engagement. I wouldn’t actually have said no, but I’d have been very offended. I just can’t get onboard with this particular tradition. The only person my FI needs to ask permission to marry me is me!

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