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My FI and I have both explored in the sexual category with other people.... I used to never regret any choices I had made regarding sex but now that I have found THE ONE... I feel guilty almost , does anyone else feel this way? Feel free to express yourself, judgement free zone! I wish that I had only slept with him and not the other people I have regardless if it was before/after the wedding. I just was wondering if anyone else wished they had given their whole selfs to their FI ?
I don't feel guilty... anymore, but yes... I wish I would've understood what gift that was so that I could have given that to my FH...
Honestly, no. I feel like sexuality is so important with someone you love, and I couldn't imagine marrying someone without knowing what intercourse with them is like.
I don't feel that way about other people, just about my personal experience.
I feel pretty guilty of my past, I wish I would have waited. My current bf did wait until he met me, and that makes me feel even more guilty. But he forgives me, and asked me to forgive myself and instead be thankful, cause it made me into who I am today. I still wish I would've waited though.
Yes but I'd have to give back my daughter which is obviously a no-go.
@napabridekelsey: I understand that, maybe not even being a virgin before getting married but being a virgin until you found the man you wanted and knew you would marry. For instance, my best friend has dated the same guy for 3 years and only slept with him, then theres me who has slept with more than just 1 man and I feel like I wish I would have waited until finding the one.. if that helps explain my feelings
Well, my first was FI and I was FI's first...but we certainly didn't wait for marriage. We've been "living in sin" for almost 3 years now, lol. I don't regret it at all. I also don't regret the other things I'd done with others before I met FI. I'm fairly certain he'd say the same. I guess it's different since we are each other's "firsts" but it wasn't planned at all. It just happened and we ended up engaged almost 4 years later.
Nope. I don't view sex as something married couples only have. We are humans. The urge and desire are there. If you aren't uber religious then sex is sex. Is it better with someone you love and want to spend your life with? It sure is, but I like having the life exp. I like knowing that later in life I won't have the "I wonder or what if" feelings that some women do when they have only slept with one man. I'm glad I found out what I like and what I don't like by having multiple partners.
Mr. Tattoo was my first, but we broke up when we were 21. I have had other partners since him, but at least I can tell people that I lost my virginity to my husband. ^_^
@AmeliaBedelia: See I wish I was in your shoes haha, I didnt mean actually waiting until getting married to have sex with you SO but only having sex with him and no one else... either before of after the wedding is fine.
NO! Here's why:
I have learnt a LOT about what I want in bed, I learned this through sleeping/ messing around with a few different men. I learnt this throught, great, bad, lame, boring sex with different partners. I could have never learnt this if I was a virgin, and I would have probably always wondered what else is out there, and if this is as good as it gets. Now that I know what's out there, I don't wonder.
I also think that losing one's virginity isn't fun- it isn't romantic at all. It's gross, blood, pain, tears. If that's your thing GREAT. Yes, it's special to lose to that person but it's awkard as hell, it hurt, and it was messy. My wedding night is gonna be more like "yeah, baby yeah! Oh baby, OH!" I'll know what I'm doing, I'll know exactly how to get myself off and him. I do not need to awkwardly figure this out on the wedding night.
Sometimes I think it would have been nice. On the other hand, I grew up in a family where that was expected, so I've already felt guilty about not saving it. Then I met my SO and he has a fairly colorful past, and I can't help thinking how cheated I'd feel if I'd saved it all of these years and then realized that the guy for me had been maxing out his single days. So I've come to terms with it.
I don't feel guilty. I don't believe that virginity is a gift, or that the value of a woman or her relationships should suffer if she has had previous partners. I think putting virginity on a pedestal as something that can be "taken" or "given away" is unhealthy and very damaging to women (both in terms of their own emotional and psychological health and how women are viewed and treated by society in general).
I'll step off my soap box now. I understand that some people have religious convictions, and I can't argue with that, but posts like these sadden me. I'm not saying that your feelings are wrong or invalid, it's just a shame that people feel this way in the first place.
@Marchesa4: Thank you, This helped me out a lot in realizing that if I was a virgin before my Fi came along and he had been with other women, it would hurt me... Thank you!
Gosh, I have so many feelings about this...I think I can sum it up by saying sexuality is not shameful. In my opinion, viriginity/purity is over valued. While I have had only Catholic education, I was lucky enough to learn self respect over shame (I went to girl power type of schools). I made good decisions as a result (i.e. I haven't done anything that emotionally or physically hurt me or anyone else). So to answer your question, NO I don't think it matters if I "gave" my virginity to my husband or not and I know it doesn't matter to my fiance.
I'm not sorry at all! Virginity is a social construction meant to keep women from exploring their sexuality (I'm a feminist, sue me!). I'm glad I'm able to bring some experience and ideas into my relationship. Also, I'm glad I had other experiences so I always didn't wonder "what it would have been like."
Guys go through this too. How many guys (not there would be any here) if they only slept with ONE chick would wonder. I hate to say it ladies, but I'm going to go against what you're all hoping is that they DO wonder. Ever heard of men want variety? (Yes, I know this is generalization and applies NOT to each and EVERY man, I'm saying *generally*) they (men) feel the need to umm bone a few chicks before settling. And there isn't a darn thing wrong in that I'd rather him have gotten that phase out of his system so he knows just how fantasic I am in bed ;) (I kid) But I'd rather him have experienced sleeping with a few (not whoring it out) just so that he'll never have to wonder about what ifs... kinda idea.
Well I felt the need to get boned by a few men before settleing :P
But if you're religious kind, you ain't gonna agree with me. And those who are I feel should marry men who feel the same, the problems don't arise when I disagree with religous folk. It's when religious marrying NON think that love over comes all. Well, not in the cases I've seen.
No way jose! That sh!t was painful! lol
I dont want to go through that on my wedding night, I would be too nervous about it.
Absolutely NO! That is a priority that we connect at that level before we get married. I no way wanted to figure it out after the fact!
Not at all!!!!!!!
And neither is my husband!!!! Our past relationships made us who we are when we met one another.
I waited until I was truly in love, and that was with the man I now know I'm going to marry. I'm very glad that I waited but I know it's not preferable for everyone. 
ETA: Just to clarify, I waited for love, not marriage.
I don't feel guilty at all. I thought I was going to but then I started realizing that the previous experences I've had help make me who I am.
Also, I wouldn't have either of my daughters. And that just isn't something I will ever wish away.
FI has only been with two ppl, and one of which is me. So, to bring in my "number" was a little embarrassing at first. But, he never judged me. I explored and I now know what I like and can express myself accordingly. And, I have shown him a thing or two along the way lol
I don't think I could have only been with one person without carrying some regret and "what if's" .I like that I know who I am and what I like based on experience.
My SO was the first guy I slept with, but I don't think I gave him anything. My "virginity" (which I'm not even sure how to define) and my sexuality are not a gift, because they are not commodities. Also, I don't believe that I gave him my "whole self," because I'm not unwhole now, and because - AGAIN! - I am not a commodity. I don't think that anybody, including myself, can give me away.
I think im in a limbo with this because, although my Fiance is my first, I am not my fiances.
He slept with a lous during his early teens. I guess its silly but i wish he would have waited for me at least. But i guess i should be happy that it was only one other woman (girl really) that he has slept with aside from me.
I don't wish I had waited til after saying "I do", but I do wish I had waited for my FH.
I actually DID wait to have sex until I met my FI. I didn't know we would get married but when we started dating I knew I loved him It made it even better knowing that he wasn't pressuring me like my ex was (ALL THE TIME).
The sex was actually kinda nice the first time. Yes, it was awkward but I was SO ready that it was comforting to know he was so gentle and nice. ANd the way he treated me was beautiful. All the sex after that was amazing and I wouldn't have it any other way. Sometimes I think hey, being a virgin when we got married would be kinda nice, but then again, I just think that would be an awkward night.
no way, I sowed my wild oats! I feel ready to settle down with one guy now. and I'm glad to know that my FI and I have good chemistry together.
I also wanted to add (after reading some above posts) that I too do not believe that virginity is a commodity or a gift to be given, but I do believe that sex is intimate and special and I'm very glad that I waited until I met my SO. I didn't need to have multiple partners to know what I like in bed and I promise you that my wedding night will be awesome too. My boyfriend had been with two other women before he met me and yes, he wishes he had waited until he met me, so sorry, there are some guys who feel that way as well.
I agree with @Miss Tattoo: on many counts. I think that there is a direct corrlation between the degree to which you value chastity and the degree to which you value religion. I think that having sex is part of learning to be an adult and frankly i would be absolutly miserable if id marrid the first guy i ever slept with, so im quite glad i didn't.
ETA i didn't mean to make it seem like I was saying that t's bad to be religous or that religion is bad, but to simply make the observation that there is a relationship between the two.
I wish i did wait.... but i can't change anything about that.
neither of us were our firsts.
I think sex should be shared with special people. So happens I've had a few special people in my life, as has he. I know how he knows how to have long term relationships. I think it's good he has had sex in that sense makes me aware and happy he's experienced highs and lows of long term relationships. Takes away a bit of anxiety.
I agree with @Miss Tattoo and @vmec and I definitely don't regret not being a virgin.
Yes and no. I am proud of people that do wait and I will encourage my children to wait but I don't regret having sex before being married (or even with my fh) because it is part of what made me get where I am today and I wouldn't change it.
I met my SO at 30 so no, I definitely do not wish I waited that long. I had some great experiences in my 20's when I was younger, healthier, crazier and a lot more energetic. I wouldn't want to have missed out on that very fun part of my life. What I have now is great and what I had before was good in its own right. I'm also happy that I got everything out of my system before settling down and have no curiosity left in me. I probably would have otherwise.
First of all, I don't believe in "The One." There are millions of people out there that I could be with and I made a commitment to marry DH. That is how it works for me.
Secondly, I would never wish I was different. If I hadn't gone 'round the block a time or two, I wouldn't appreciate how great I have it now.
I voted "other" because I was! My husband is my one and only, and we wouldn't trade it for anything.
I was a virgin before I said "I do", I just didn't remain one before I got married! ahaha!
I don't regret it... Yes, it would have been nice if DH had been the only one, but I was married twice before. I've been with more men than the men I've been married to, but DH insists that I've only been with two others!
I guess, I just don't have any regrets about things, because everything that happened in my past has made me the person my husband fell in love with.
Nope! Not at all. All my sexual encounters were positive and healthy. (I don't mean that they were always GREAT, haha, but they were always freely chosen with decent guys with whom I practiced safe sex.) I had a 5-year long relationship starting when I was 15 with a sweet guy, and we had a lot of fun exploring! ;) Then I broke up with him in college because I knew we needed to go our separate ways, and got to have the fun of dating a few different guys. I wouldn't change it if I could.
I think non-marital sex CAN be emotionally unhealthy, but that definitely isn't/shouldn't be the norm.
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