Do your bridesmaids/MOH have "duties"?

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

I expected them to buy their dress, show up on time and mostly sober on the day of the wedding, and smile for photos.

The fact that these are my nearest and dearest friends is the reason they were asked to do me the honor of standing up with me on my wedding day.  Luckily, most of them enjoy weddings and did offer help and accompany me dress shopping, etc… but it was not specifically requested and in no way required.

I really only wanted my best friends up there with me as I married the man I love.

Post # 4
3570 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

they just had to show up.  I did a lot of DIY, but i did it all myself.

Post # 5
490 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I had a hard enough time finding people to stand up with me (friend drama) that I didn’t want anyone doing more than absolutely necessary.  All they had to do was show up on time and look pretty/handsome (I had a dude of honor).  Same with the groomsmen – they only had to show up and look good.

No one matched, but everyone was comfortable and the wedding pictures look neat!

Post # 6
1646 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

What @Danelady said! Everything like planning and creating is all optional, I just want them to show up and look pretty! 

Post # 7
10883 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

@MrsWinTraining2014:  I asked my local girls (there were two local bridesmaids — one was one of my matrons of honor — and one local junior bridesmaid, her daughter) to come with me to look at dresses for me and for themselves.

I also asked my local MOH to pick up my gown and veil from the bridal salon two days before the wedding and to transport them to the venue for me. In addition, I arranged with her and her husband to transport all of the wedding gifts that had been brought to the venue back to their home following the wedding, since my DH and I were leaving to go directly to our hotel in our departure city. One of them also drove my DH’s vehicle back to their home for safekeeping.

I did not “ask” for a shower, but I knew that my local girls and SIL would arrange one for me, and they had a beautiful shower at my local MOH’s home.  My local MOH and local bridesmaid also arranged to come over to my house the night before the rehearsal to order take out and hang out with me and talk while I packed for my honeymoon. That was my “bachelorette party.” It was fun. 🙂

Finally, I wanted all of my maids to be there with me upstairs in the bride’s area on the day of the wedding and to have pictures taken with me.  I also asked my two matrons of honor and other, close-friend bridesmaid to help me to get dressed and to get out of and back into my gown several times that night, everytime I had to use the restroom.

ETA:  Oh, yes. I forgot. I did expect them to purchase the dress and to have it altered to fit them and to wear silver-toned sandals of their choosing, with a few specifications from me. I also gave them some guidelines regarding nail color, and I provided them with their jewelry to wear for the wedding.

Post # 8
6048 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I expected them on time, to have found their dress’, figured out hair/makeup and for my MOH to hold my flowers while I put my dh’s ring on his finger.  They all did it 😀

Post # 9
3697 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I “required” them to go dress shopping with me, get ready together the morning of, and show up for the rest of the day. 

I invited them dress shopping and they all came. They all came to the shower that was planned by SIL. And they volunteered to throw the bachlorette party. 

Post # 10
1327 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@DaneLady:  “I expected them to buy their dress, show up on time and mostly sober on the day of the wedding, and smile for photos.”

That is almost word for word what I told my girls, including the sober-ish part.  I mean what fun is it if we don’t have mismosas beforehand?

They’ve done some things on their own, like planning the shower and bachelorette, which I’m super excited and greatful for.  But if they hadn’t I wouldn’t have kicked them out of the wedding or anything.  I’m doing a lot of DIY but since I actually enjoy crafts and projects I haven’t needed much help.  I mostly just want my best friends there with me to have fun.

Post # 11
78 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

My best friend/MOH has been great about just being an emotional support above all whenever I get stressed.  She lives in Montreal so she hasn’t been able to come dress shopping (some of the local Bridesmaids and the Bridesman did) but she’s seen every photo and talked me through my which dress should I wear related freakouts.

She’s also planning the bachelorette – I came up with the initial idea of when and where, but she’s emailing everyone, getting everything booked etc.  She’s great at and loves this stuff.

Not much expectation for the rest fo the wedding party other than being around to make me laugh and share the special day.

Post # 12
5460 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Kit_Kath:  Haha, yes there were mimosas!  I told them that they needed to safely and gracefully make it down the aisle and remain upright for our ceremony, and be able to keep their eyes open for photos.  After that though, they could go nuts if they wanted to.

Post # 13
511 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I guess I have all the usual wedding day/weekend expectations – that they will wear the dress along the lines I request, that they come to the rehearsal and the ceremony, that they get ready with me in the morning and help me get dressed. Oh, and I told them since my dress is poofy they are definitely responsible for helping me pee 😀

Post # 14
4601 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wanted them to have their dress and be there on time. My MOH has helped me with some DIY stuff, but she offered to do that. My other bridesmaid doesn’t have a dress yet. 

Post # 15
9526 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

The only thing they were actually asked to do was to find attire (a knee-length, yellow dress for the girls and grey pants/vest and yellow shirt for the guys) to wear on wedding day and come get ready/have pictures/stand with me at hte ceremony.

My biggest expectations were that they would support me while planning, on wedding day and in my marriage. So if I was having a meltdown because my grandmother berated me about how my centerpiece candles would burn down the town, I expected them to tell me it would all be fine and my grandmother would come around. On wedding day, if I got panicky because I lost my shoes or something, I expected them to help calm me down. And in the future I expect them to lend me an ear when I’m ready to kill my husband for not doing the dishes. Honestly, most of this is just being a good friend, which is, I think, at the heart of being a bridesmaid/bridesguy.

I also expected that they woudl throw me a bachelorette party. I wouldn’t have been pissed if they didn’t, but it was definitely more likely that they would throw one than not throw one, especially given that I threw a bachelorette for each of them! 

I had not expected, but was very grateful that my MOH came up to go dress shopping with me one day. I was also super grateful that all my bridesmaids and bridesguys helped out with last minute arrangements the day before and morning of the wedding.

I had a fantastic and super supportive bridal party and I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I think a lot of people get caught up in the duties of shower, bachelorette, helping with DIY, etc, and lose track of the being a good friend part, which is really the most important.


Post # 16
2051 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Get their dress altered to fit (I bought the dresses)

Get dressed up on the day with shoes, hair, makeup of their choice

Have a great time and smile in all the pictures 🙂

Plan a fun hen do for me! (It’s going to be a surprise!)

Leave a comment

Sent weekly. You may unsubscribe at any time.

Find Amazing Vendors