Post # 1
I been married 6 months, I love my husband of course but we are already becoming boring. I tried to speak to my husband about doing things for each other and I started by learning chili the way his mom used to. When I tried to talk about keeping our relationship alive he got irritated and said I was trying to change him. He said he was not going to be the kind of husband who bought me flowers or wrote love notes and he was like why do I need to?
Bees please help
Post # 2
Maybe that’s just not the way he expresses love or romance. My Fi doesn’t buy flowers or write cards but he always does the laundry (he says he doesn’t want me carrying the heavy laundry bag up and down the stairs) and all sorts of small sweet things. He makes coffee every morning while I’m in the shower and sneaks my favorite cookies into the grocery cart. Not big, showy things but lots of small gestures that show how much he cares. Perhaps your guy is the same way? You can’t force him to be a flowers-and-fireworks kind of guy if that’s not who he is, but you might be able to learn how he expresses love.
Post # 3
Did he do anything like that before you got married?
Post # 4
Well, I do agree with your husband. Showing you care for your SO isn’t about flowers or love notes, it can be even smaller, sweeter things than that – perhaps you aren’t seeing the many ways he’s shown you today.
I can name a few things that my DH did today – I’ve been fighting an ear infection [currently on meds for it], and I’ve been pretty sick/dizzy from it. He made me chocolate chip cookies & soup, he plugged in my heated blanket and wrapped me in it, he made me hot tea with honey, started laundry and put the rest away, did the dishes & took out the trash [without me asking him to], brought me home a box of donuts so I have something to eat in the morning, and of course, told me he loves me [like he does about 10 times a day!].
Post # 5
I won’t let him buy me flowers (they are just going to die lol).
he does tons of sweet things for me.. things he knows will make my day easier. Anything from brushing the snow off my car in the morning to making sure the fridge is stocked with Diet Coke.
Relationships are about the little day-to-day things.
Post # 6
I agree with PPs, in a committed and long term relationship like marriage it’s the little things that count, not the amount of times he buys you flowers or writes you love notes. To me, they are the kind of things that you do when your at the start of a relationship.
Focus on the little things he does for you.
Post # 7
winstonchurchill: yes he did a few times not a lot but I don’t really like flowers to begin with he just automatically assumed its what I wanted whenever I tried to talk to him about it
Post # 8
snina8916: My dh doesn’t buy flowers (never has, not once), he doesn’t write me notes (unless you count in my christmas card). I sometimes write him notes just small ones especially when he travels for work, then I write one for every day he is away as sometimes with time differences and/or lack of internet that side doesn’t allow much communication.
But my dh shows he loves me in other ways. He makes me coffee, randomly and whenever I ask, he fixes around the house, he looks after me when I’m sick. I guess we never had one of those really romantic relationships to start with though… He has also done the little things, like surprising me by coming home a day early when he can or just knowing when I have had a rough day and what to do about it etc… So while we have never really been date night people we still love each other… We would rather be at home eating a home cooked meal watching tv than much else…
Post # 9
snina8916: My H is similar to other bees here. I never get flowers or other traditional romantic gestures, but he cleans the tub because he knows I hate doing it, cleans the kitchen when I leave dirty pots in the sink and don’t have time (which is like every weekend lol) and shovels the snow off my car in the morning.
My H is big into showing he cares in practical ways. Like a “taking care of me” way.
Post # 10
my husband doesn’t do anything that’s all out romantic (not often anyway), but he’ll offer to make me some tea (which my mom thought was the sweetest thing when she heard him ask me), he’ll empty the dishwasher…things like that. it’s the little things that really count.
i came across this article on huffington post that you might find interesting- 25 ways to say “i love you” without saying a word
Post # 11
My husband does a lot of sweet things. He got me flowers 2x in November, packs my lunches even when I insist I can do it, rubs my back almost every night. Last week I opened up the fridge and there was my favorite cheesecake with a sticky note that said “surprise”.
I think every girl deserves to be treated like a princess!! I hope your DH comes around.
Post # 12
My husband is not a flower or card kind of guy, but he does plenty sweet things for me… making me a tea after a shift at work, picking me up little treats if he’s out (last night was eggnog), little lunch dates on our days off together, snuggling with me on the couch despite the fact that he’s always overheated, etc…
Try focusing on other things he may do for you… romance doesn’t always have to be about flowers. Good luck!
Post # 13
snina8916: I would focus on the positive and the little things he does do for you. If he wasn’t into those cute love notes before marriage, he is certainly not going to get into them now.
DH will surprise me with little gifts here and there, or like last night he surprised me with a candy bar he thought I would like. But he has always been like this.
Post # 14
I’m not married yet but my dad is the type of husband any girl would want, in my opinion. He’s not a flowers, chocolates, etc, type of guy either, though. For my step-mother he tends to do thing that she wouldn’t want to do. For example, she’s not a morning person so he packs her lunch for work, makes her morning tea, makes sure she’s got her stuff all set up. He’s the type to cook a meal she is craving from the past and modifying it to suit her gluten intolerance. He remembers which mug is special to her and makes her tea in that one, even if he has to hand clean it. He watches shows he doesn’t really like without complaining because she wants to and he wants to just sit and hold her hand. I think that sort of love is more perfect than getting gifts 🙂 It’s the beauty in simplicity!
Post # 15
My FI bought me flowers every single month for the first year of our relationship on the 26th. Now THAT became boring. Now he expresses his love in other ways like getting me blankets when I’m cold, cleaning my car, taking care of the dishes after I cook, and always making me feel wanted and valued. Thats the kind of stuff you should want.