Do your ILs show up to your home uninvited?

posted 3 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5883 posts
Bee Keeper

Ha! Mine used to be the same way, but always came at dinner time. It was so embarrassing to not have enough food for all of us to eat, so we offered ours and threw something together after they left. 🙁  They were absolutely oblivious to the fact that they always put us on the spot.

One day while on the phone with my MIL, I was trying to hint around about how many people drop in unannounced, and told her of something I read recently that SHE might use if people did it to her. Someone put a sign on their front door that said ‘If you didn’t call first, please don’t knock’.

She got the hint.

Post # 4
Member
2831 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

they live 3000 miles away, so no. my FMIL used to, when FI lived 30 minutes from them, though.

Post # 5
Member
2420 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@Aquaria:  Yikes that would drive me bonkers.  My own parents dropped by unannounced one time in my entire life, but they’d tried to call on their way (I was in the shower) and they were coming by to drop off a leftover chocolate lava cake.  People with chocolate lava cakes are always welcome in my home.

It sounds like your FI may need to set some boundaries.  Let him take care of it, his family his responsibility (they’re contractually obligated to love him).  Good luck!!

Post # 6
Member
3222 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

@jennmariee:  +1

The only time anyone I know has dropped by unannounced is when I have missed their call. My parents have done this, but they leave whatever they were dropping off with the doorman.

I can’t imagine someone coming by without calling first. What if you’re wearing a face mask and sweatpants because you’re relaxing at home?

Post # 7
Member
1312 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - NH

This really has made me realize my parents are the ones who stop by without warning…his parents have only been here once when we first bought the house (maybe we need to send an invite…yikes lol).  My parents stop by 1-2x per month, but always on a Sunday after church as they’re on their way home and we really are on the way.  I just asked him if it bothers him that my parents stop by without warning sometimes and he said no, because they’re nice.  My parents love him to death, which I think is a plus.  They also let us stay with him when the house buying process was delayed and we were between places, so there’s no fear at this point of being caught in PJs or something either.  They usually bring a little gift too or we have something for them to bring home.

Post # 8
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

We live an hour away from his, and 12 away from mine. So no. But I would hate that. I don’t like people over unless our place is clean, and unfortunately it’s usually a little messy! (dishes in the sink, mail on the table, stuff like that)

Post # 9
Member
2332 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Nope! They only come round if we invite them, which isn’t very often!

Post # 10
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I am extremely close to my inlaws and they live right down the street from us (5min away). I come over unannounced all the time, but they don’t come by unless they are watching my daughter or visiting (somewhat planned). I wouldn’t think anything of it if they knocked on the door and raided our fridge. But we are weird like that. 

Now, if it were my sister and her kid….that might be a little different. 

Post # 11
Member
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Oh goodness. My FMIL and FFIL don’t come by un announced since we live about an hour away from them, but they definitely come with more people than expected when they are invited. We can usually count on his grandmother, sister, and his sisters boyfriend AT LEAST to also end up joining us when the two of them are invited for dinner.

One time in particular, we were hosting a dinner party that was supposed to be geared toward the two sets of parents meeting one another. We had just pruchased our home together and felt like it was a big deal, so we went all out with a fancy sit down meal for the 6 of us… We ended up with FIVE unexpected guests. It was straight up disasterous because our home is small, and our dining room table was already being stretched to it’s limit with 6 guests. 11 was not going to happen. I ended up scrambling all over the house for our folding table and extra chairs, while simultaneously trying to make extra food.

They don’t get invited as frequently as my parents do anymore, which makes me feel a little bad because I do love them. It’s just a huge project every time they come by.

Post # 12
Member
525 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Aquaria:  This happened to a coworker of mine.

She was also pregnant at the time of her confrontation with bother her parents and the in laws so emotions were high and she couldn’t take it anymore. (They always used the same excuse for visiting even though one lived across town)

She visited them in their homes to speak to them. She explained that she values her privacy and she doesn’t appreciate them coming over unannounced to see her. She explained that she doesn’t have the time or energy to entertain them some days and when they come over she cannot get things done.

She told them she doesn’t mind seeing them but her and her husband had their own life now, that if they wanted to see them they just have to pick up the phone and ask if now is a good time. And if they ever do happen to be driving by and want to stop in to not expect to stay more than a few minutes unless she specifically asks them to stay at the door.

Post # 13
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@Aquaria:  My FMIL drops by often alot of times just to chat….and i dont mind it….but she usually comes over when she is really upset because FSIL has pissed the whole family off AGAIN! (last time it was because she posted the birth of her baby on facebook a good 5 HOURS before calling her OWN MOM!, her excuse was that she called her grandma….and figured her grandma who is the SOLE caregiver for her grandpa with multiple health issues and dosent have time to get the mail out on a good day could call everyone for her….turns out she called EVERYONE but her mom and step dad….)  which is fine and i dont mind because honestly i dont like the girl….but then 2 days later his mom stops by because shes SOOO excited that FSIL has decided to dangle the grandkids over their heads again….(by bringing a 3 week old infant on a 20 hour car ride, plus her other 2 demon children and their spoiled brat nipper of a dog(if it draws blood on me again im going to scream thats another story where i didnt know the dog was there and it just ran up to me and bit my ankle hard not a play nip but it was “cute”)) she was kind enough to let them know this so they had ample time (even though they are nearly broke)…to pick out the usual amount of grandkid gifts when they show up….which their expectation is $100/KID EACH KID!….

but for the most part idont mind…just i hate hearing about how evil FSIL is then when she dangles the kids over them….nothing is her fault and she is the victim again….

Post # 14
Member
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

All the time. Not the ILs, but family, friends or neighbors. One afternoon I was in the middle of painting the house – furniture covered, ladder, paint cans and mess all over the place, not to mention me all dirty and covered in paint – and the person sat down to chat for like 2 hours anyway.

I’ve started not answering the door at times and some people now call first.

Post # 15
Member
370 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018 - Parklands, Quendon Hall

Omg I’m not even married yet, OR engaged, OR even living with SO and his dad still drops by unannounced! His parents are friends with my Mum and they live around the corner so it’s kind of hard to avoid them sometimes lol! Once we were all unshowered and still in our PJs so we didn’t answer the door! I felt so rude but I don’t think you should drop by unannounced in the first place!

Post # 16
Member
2869 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

FMIL has before and I have FI meet her outside to chat and get whatever thing she is bringing over as an excuse to be here. I don’t usually keep my home ” company clean” on the regular and I can’t stand people seeing my house messy. I’m kinda weird in that I really prefer people not coming over. I’m just private that way and my home is my space. My mom lives down the road and doesn’t just show up, but I pop up at her house all the time, ha. 

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