(Closed) Do your parents treat you and your siblings equally? *vent*

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
402 posts
Helper bee

I feel like this just shouldnt happen with parents but it does 🙁 My SO is definitely the least favorite.. his brother is just some angel to his parents even though he is seriously the biggest ahole i could imagine.

I’m sorry that this has happened and that you feel this way… its so unfortunate! 

I do have an older brother, but he is 7 years older than me and we never really lived together (he has a different father than me).. so we never really had to experience that too much.

I believe its true though… I’m not sure why it happens…

Post # 4
147 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m one of 5 kids, and while we’re not treated equally, we’re treated fairly based on our personalities and our needs as far as my mom goes (Single parent, our dad passed away about 7 years ago).   We’re all so extremely different (I’m the youngest and finished my first associate’s degree at 18 all while working my butt off to pay for my college, where my sister didn’t even consider going to college or getting a job until she was 20) so my mom treats us all completely different.  I’m the only child that was not given a car to drive, but that was because I was also financially responsible enough to purchase my own car and because of I was the one to purchase my car I had a lot more freedom when I started driving.

We’re not all treated “equal” but we’re treated fairly.  My mom did feel bad she wouldn’t be able to get me a car (she couldn’t afford it), but she was extremely helpful in helping me pick it out.  Same with the wedding, she can’t afford to help out as much financially like she did with my sister, but she is trying to provide as much hands-on support as possible for me, in addition to paying for some of the smaller things when she can.  

Post # 5
5170 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh my brother has gotten preferencial treatment as far as I can remember.. From little things like getting the bigger room, even though I am a girl…to just feeling like he could do no wrong and I could do no right. For years, I had gotten better grades than my brother but my mom would openly say he was smarter than I am….though the only proof is in her head. 

Post # 6
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Hell No. My sister and I were adopted into a family that already had 3 boys and its like night and day between us and them. Everyone in the family sees it as well; my aunt is constantly on my parents case about it.

For instance: When my brothers (2 older, 1 younger) turned 16 they were bought new cars and were allowed to get their license right away. Me; I had to work to buy my own car and then wasnt even allowed to drive it because they refused to let me get my license.

I had to get a job; with no ride. Brothers were given an allowence for nothing.

I had a curfew; they NEVER did. My brothers would be gone partying during the week and I wasnt allowed anywhere other than practice after school, then had to come straight home.

My parents still pay the mortgage for my 33 year old brotherSIL house. All their utilites etc…… My other older brother makes  about the same amount of money as my parents (doctors) and decided he wanted 2 houses; one here in the US and one overseas. They GAVE him 50thousand dollars as a downpayment on a house overseas. Never offered to help Darling Husband and I out monetarly EVER. We even paid our entire wedding by ourselves (both brothers got theirs paid for) they even bought my youngest brother all new furniture and appliances when he moved got married (see below lmao)

My sister got pregnant (before she was married but engaged) and when she told my mom she came off with the comment “well thats just fantastic, i knew this was gonna happen sooner or later! you do not need to have a kid!”   but when my younger brother started dating a girl  with a baby who had left her husband during a deployment to be with my brother!!!!  my Mom CRIED with excitement saying “oh thank god im gonna be a grandma, im so excited!!! …………..seriously.

I could go on and on and on. Its basically so ridiculous i have no relationship with anyone aside from my sister.(we are blood related, adopted together)

Post # 7
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

My brother was adopted and very ill when my mother rescued him from an orphanage in Sudan when we were both very little. Since then, she has pushed at me to get my education, get a job, stand on my own two feet, move out, etc. – which is what all good parents do I hope.

My brother is a different case; she never wants him to move out, sabotages most of his job opportunities and keeps him working for her. He finally got another job besides working for her and she keeps whining about offering him more money to quit. I won’t say that my mother is nasty to me; she loves me very much and of that I have no doubt. But there is no way she would ever try to get me to stay at home and depend on her.

Post # 8
224 posts
Helper bee

we’re all treated differently.

as the eldest, my parents were learning when it came to me. i wasn’t allowed to do certain things, we argued a lot, and they seemed to think that because i was taking contreception at 16 i was the worst child in the world – despite the fact that i never skipped school, had good grades, never got into trouble etc.

my brother is 18 months younger than me and he’d had it a lot easier. i was never forced to get a job, but they were very accepting of him sitting at home playing computer games instead of finding a full time job. it was only when they realised just what my SO was doing (they’re the same age) that they figured my brother should be doing more than playing on the computer.

now my sister is 10 years younger than me. she gets different treatment all together. they don’t get angry at her – when she has a strop they laugh and say ‘oh, she’s just a teenager’. she’s allowed to have friend over and watch scary movies (i wasn’t even allowed to watch a 12 rated film when i was 11!!), she gets all the gadgets in the world (a LAPTOP when she was 9!!!!) and she goes to Private school whilst we went to comprehensive.

they’ve just learnt a lot in the past 10 years. they can see that i’ve turned out okay despite what they might have thought! and to be honest i don’t think they can be bothered with the hassle anymore!

Post # 9
705 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have younger 3 sisters and we’re all treated differently.  I was asked to move out when I was 20 but all three of my other sisters (20, 27 and 28+ grandkids) all still live at home.  The youngest just got into college out of town so that’s exciting.  They paid for my other sister’s wedding in its entirety and are not going to be able to help much with mine.  They have purchased cars for the other sisters, pay for their cell phones and have let them live at home for free indefinitely.

Part of me is a bit bitter but the other part is ok with things.  I can take care of myself.  If (god forbid) my parents died tomorrow, I would be generally ok.  I’d have a house and could feed and care for myself.  2 out of those 3 sisters would have a lot of problems, just living, keeping a roof over their heads and feeding themselves.  My parents help me out less because I am more capable.  I mean, it sucks–I wish my parents could toss in several grand like they did for my sister’s wedding and my other sister’s college but I’ve got it.

Post # 10
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@booEXcore:  Same here.

His brother is the biggest jerk I’ve ever met, I’m almost sure he is a sociopath. But for some reason he is there darling baby boy who never does anything wrong, and then Fiance (always bending over backwards to help people) gets kicked out?

Anyways, I know it’s unfair and infuriating, but when we have finally gotten out of the house it becomes our lives, so at least that is a comfort, atleast that is what I tell Fiance about it.

Post # 11
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Wow Im sorry that some of u that have parents that treat u like that. I dont think my paretns did anything like that. Same rules for all of us.

Post # 12
2247 posts
Buzzing bee

@MrsRuby:  This story is shockingly similar to that of my high school friend (L).  L and her sister were adopted from a third world country by a couple that already had two sons, biologically.  L ended up having to get a job to pay for her own groceries, toilet paper, rent, etc. while we were still in high school because she lost her virginity and her mother flipped out.

As far as my family goes, my parents have never treated me and their other kids any differently.

FI’s parents do, IMO.  Future Sister-In-Law is good for nothing, at all.  She does not work, does not go to school, is a felon, and has tantrums like a toddler to get her way.  She calls Future Mother-In-Law weekly to ask for $30-$40.  Sometimes, she’ll get $30- $40 from Future Mother-In-Law, then call Future Father-In-Law and get $30-$40 from him, as well.  But that’s not enough.  Often, she’ll solicit this money AND demand that they buy her things as well, so the money can be her play money.  The kicker is, they fall for it EVERY time.  It’s like they can’t say no to her!  I’ve calculated that the Future In-Laws spend about $300 a month on Future Sister-In-Law.  They bought her a car when she was 16.   She’s never given them a cent for it.  They also bought Fiance a car.  Wouldn’t you know, Future Father-In-Law keeps casually bringing it up that Fiance “owes him” $6000!  He has a lein on FI’s truck so that we could never trade/sell it until we pay Future Father-In-Law $6000!  But he NEVER asks Future Sister-In-Law for money, and is even saying he’s gonna buy her a NEW car (because she completely trashed hers, driving around selling drugs, while FI’s is still in perfect condition and he had it longer).  A brand new mini cooper because “that’s what she wants”.  They haven’t paid a cent towards our wedding, but have mentioned on several occasions that they plan to spend about $10K on each of the FSILs weddings.  Wtf?!  The sad part is, Fiance and I are very loyal to Future Father-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law.  We help them out and don’t ask them for things.  The rest of their children do nothing but cause stress/use them.

Post # 13
2063 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My sister and I were treated so differently that it made SO and I very very cautious of having another child.

Post # 14
7904 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

I’m the middle child, and my younger brother gets a crazy amount of preferential treatment from my mom, but in the end, it’s meant that he has been enabled and allowed to be lazy and do nothing so now he is 25 with no job, a college dropout, and living at home. So I figure that the preferential treatment, like a credit card when he went to college, a car my mom pays for, the awesome Christmas giftswinning coddled every time we children fought even if he started it, etc didn’t help him out too much in the end.

I am my dad’s favorite though, but ats just emotional. He’s cheap and doesn’t lavish gifts on any of us. 

Post # 15
1033 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

middle child- never enough love.

Post # 16
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’m a middle child. My older sister is married and has two kids and lives with he Navy husband in CT. So she mainly gets treated to alot of things now because of the kids, but dosn’t have to deal with either of my parents on a regular bases. I think its my younger sister I have the real issue with. Shes in graduate school getting her masters this May. My parents just bought her a 35,000 dollar horse since she show jumps. She also works at the horse farm where the horse lives, but all the money she makes goes towards the horse which dosn’t even cover the half of the stuff. So basicly she lives with my parents, they pay for her gas, car insurence, clothes, food etc as well as her to go to school full time for a degree she dosn’t even want. 

I live at home too.But I pay for my gas, car insurence, have a job that has benefits and 401k. I buy food for the house hold, bought my own car two years ago. So I know I am lucky to havemy parents but, I guess I do feel like my sister gets treated like the golden child sometimes. 

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