Do you/someone you know dumb yourself down while talking to men?

posted 3 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: Do you/someone you know dumb yourself down while talking to men?
    I have done this : (45 votes)
    15 %
    I have seen other women do this : (107 votes)
    35 %
    Nope : (58 votes)
    19 %
    I think most guys I know don't like smart women/women smarter than them : (16 votes)
    5 %
    Guys I know love smart women : (83 votes)
    27 %
  • Post # 3
    4576 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @princesslettuce14:  I think some girls look around them and see the types of women men in their social circle are attracted to and try to mimic their behavior in the hopes of being seen as desirable. In addition, there seems to be somewhat of a misconception out there that men want someone who is non-threatening/non-intimidating, and certain females want to better their odds.


    Post # 4
    1234 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    @princesslettuce14:  I have done this and don’t know why. I think that, subconsciously, I thought that men would like to be the ”smarter one”.

    Me: Playing damsel in distress.

    Men: Swoop in and save the day with their knowledge.

    Many women think that this is what men want I guess…

    Post # 5
    405 posts
    Helper bee

    @princesslettuce14:  Heck yeah, I’ve done that.  Not talk in a weird voice, but I’ve said, “Oh, can you explain that to me?” when I know damn well all about the issue.  Or I’ll let my guy handle an issue I’m perfectly capable of handling on my own. 

    Post # 6
    448 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I’ve done it. But mainly in work when I am trying to get money or a deal out of someone. Act like the dumb woman who doesn’t have a clue. ‘Lure’ them in (as my brother says) then well get want I want. Then go back to being the actual me.

    I don’t do it all the time and not with certain people. But if it is a new deal and things and if you get that ‘feel’ from the men sitting opposite you then I’m not above it.

    Post # 7
    10384 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I used to do this, until I realized that people who can’t handle a smart woman aren’t worth my time/energy. When I was doing online dating prior to meeting my husband, a lot of guys were interested until they realized I was in a PhD program at a really good school. Then they’d stammer and get all clammed up, and things would fall apart. It’s a great litmus test – kept me from wasting my time!

    I see women do this all the time, even in my field (science) and it drives me crazy. Speak up and be confident, ladies!

    We should want to be respected for what we know and are capable of more than we want to be attached to a man. I’d rather be single than looked down on.

    Post # 8
    737 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I come across as ditsy even though I am highly educated and have a professional career.  If I am mad I feel like I have to go total bey-otch to get my point across.


    I think I do it because when I was younger I was very book smart and serious and I could count my friends on one hand.  People thought I was stuck up and snobby when I was in fact very shy.  So, when I went to college I made an effort to come out of my shell and I came out very silly/ditsy.  My Mom is very outgoing but is also very ditsy so maybe since that is what I grew up seeing I mimicked the behavior.

    Post # 9
    1400 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    I think it’s really messed up for women to purposely act dumb to pick up guys. Sometimes I come off as a little ditzy, but that’s just my personality and the way I speak, I’ll also gladly talk about complex issues if that’s what I’m in the mood for, or someone could clearly use some educating. It’s 2013, if a guy doesn’t like smart girls, that’s his issue, and if a woman isn’t confident enough to be herself, brains and all, that’s hers.

    I’ve dated crazy smart guys, and I can understand being intimidated by people you think are smarter than you, but personally I find it way better than dating someone whom you feel like their gears don’t turn fast enough to keep up with you. That gets boring fast. But people are going to figure it out soon enough, so be yourself!

    But if all a girl wants is a fling, and she feels comfortable propagating the misogynistic view that women shouldn’t be too smart in order to make it easier for her to get laid, that’s on her.

    ETA: I feel like occasionally acting as if you don’t know something, in order to build up a guy’s confidence, is fine, and if you’re using a guy’s misogynistic views to manipulate him into giving you what you want, like for a business deal, power to you! Especially if afterwards he realizes he may have underestimated you.

    Post # 10
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2015

    This girl I went to high school is SO incredibly smart. She graduated like 3rd in our class at a very competitive high school. She’s a math/science whiz. Ended up going to an Ivy League college. And she acts like the STUPIDEST PERSON ON THE PLANET when she’s around any guys. It’s totally ridiculous. I was never good friends with her, but just watching her change from an intelligent, thoughtful young woman into a total ditz turned me off from her so much. I just don’t get it.

    Post # 11
    7654 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2012

    My friend did this a lot. Straight A student, high GPA, and every time she was with a guy, whether it was a friend or boyfriend she would always act so stupid like she didn’t know the difference between black and white. it was an attention seeking move. She did it because they would laugh at her and make jokes, and they thought that meant she ha da good sense of humor.

    She did it once in front of my DH, and he was just like you have a stupid friend, lol. I’m like, “I really don’t. She’s really smart.” He couldn’t believe she didn’t even try to be professional or grown up, but in her mind that’s how guys like their girls: stupid and uneducated.

    Post # 12
    2474 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I definitely don’t. I’m sure I’ve done it in my time, but as of now, I absolutely do not do that. I’m smart, and I know it. If someone else can’t handle it, then that’s not my problem! 😛

    Post # 13
    720 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2014

    I do it frequently at work, but it’s more to make others look dumb than me.  We have a few guys round this place that think they make special rules for themselves and not fill things out completely.  So I play dumb by asking them if this is really all they want and not x, y, and z.  Usually works for me.  Never for dating purposes.

    Post # 14
    3635 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I do not.  In fact my ex hated that I was as smart (let’s be real: smarter) than him and wouldn’t pretend to be amazed at every word that came out of his mouth.  Guys who can’t hang with a smart chick aren’t worth my time. 

    My husband loves that we are intellectual equals.  We have real conversations and I can understand him, but am not afraid to say “I have no idea what you just said” because I’m willing to learn.  He actually remarks often that he’s glad I’m smart and can’t stand ditzy women. 

    Post # 15
    11772 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: May 2013

    I did that through ALL of highschool and most of college! Then after a HORRIBLE break-up with a total fucking idiot (If you can’t use “them” correctly in a sentence…), I finally went “Eff this! They can like me or they won’t.”

    Then I dated an S&M fetishist (didn’t see THAT coming!) but AFTER that, I met DH! Who thinks I’m pretty awesome… Even though he actually IS smarter than me.

    So the cosmic joke is on me!

    Post # 16
    851 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2013 - The front lawn of our church

    Honestly, I think it’s SO ANNOYING when women do this. DH’s ex still does this to him and I absolutely can’t stand it. One of the things that drew him to me in the first place was the fact that I’m smart and I don’t play dumb.

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