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so my husband's family is the kind where people call their in laws "mom" and "dad"...to me this is jut WEIRD! I have a very wonderful mom and dad. His parents are "Jack" and "Loretta" nothing more - nothing less. At the wedding, his father - who at one point I called by his first name - said to me "It's 'dad' now" and I was like - "um no it's not".
Later on that night, when I gave his mom a gift I got her - she told me "call me mom now" and I told her "not to be disrespectful, but I'm not comfortable with that, if that's ok". and that was the end of it.
I think I may have hurt their feelings :( BUT my parents NEVER called each other's parents "mom and dad" - and my mom agrees with my outlook - "I have a mom".
I have absolutely nothing against my in-laws and love them dearly - but they are NOT my "mom and dad"...
anyone else have in-laws that insist on this?
btw - dan's brother's wife DOES call their mom "mom" (and just a side note, his wife is like his 6th wife...just meaning she's only been around for 4 years). and it weirds me out every time she calls their mom "mom" - but she calls hubby's dad by his first name because Jack is only my hubby's dad - not is brother's...
Nope they will always be "jack" and "jill" to me. I have a mom and (step) dad that are very deserving of the titles mom and dad (even though I call my step-dad by his first name because I was over 18 when them met/married).
I am afraid that I am hurting my in-laws feelings though by not calling them mom and dad, but I cannot get over the weirdness. Maybe in time...
I don't call mine anything but their first name. When my husband and I send them cards for their birthday/holidays/etc. we always write Dear Bob/Dad for my FIL and Dear Susan/Mom for my MIL.
I have a mom and dad...and one set is enough for me.
I've called my fmil mom before we even got enaged. Mostly because I love them so much and my parents always called their in laws mom and dad too.
i honestly think it may be a culteral thing. I'm not saying it's WRONG for everyone to do this - just to ME it's weird. :) (just wanted to clarify!)
I don't think you're alone on this. In fact, as far as I can see, the most common way of dealing with this is not to call your in-laws anything for several years, after which your children will invent a name for them that you can use. ;-)
Mine wanted me to call them by their first names. I can't call someone else mom and dad.
Mine wanted me to call them by their first names. I can't call someone else mom and dad.
@2dBride: haha speaking of what grandkids call em - actually, too - my husband and I have already agreed on that our children will NOT call his parents "ma-maw" or "pa-paw"...which some of the grandchildren already do.
I remember trying that on my dad's parents once - and honest to god almost got smacked across the face.
growing up - my best friends (sisters) lived with their parents AND grandparents and that is what they called their grandparents - and yes, I know that these specific nicknames are DEFINITELY a cultural thing - which again, our kids will not use. It will be grandma and grandpa.
Hope I don't offend anyone with that - but it's something we are strongly opinionated on. :) lol
I just call them by their first names, but his grandparents sometimes I call "Papa" and "Grandpa". He calls his grandmother by her first name so I do too. I don't think they would notice either way, but when everyone is saying Papa, it seems weird to say his first name.
Well my mother and father are "mom and dad" to me. He calles his parents "mama and papa" and for now I call them mama B. and papa B. (Last name beings with B) Or sometimes Mama to Be etc...and that's how they sign off to me on email, cards and such. I'll prob. transition to just mama and papa after we're married and I'm fine with that. I guess b/c it's diff. from what I call my own parents? He calls his grand parents Lolo and Lola , and aunts and uncles are all Tita/Tito, and I already use these terms with them so...? I dunno. Their family is so full of love and open warmth and just GOODness that I feel like part of the family pretty much already so I guess that's why it's easy to use these terms with them?
Although, he hasn't been around MY family as much as I've been around his, so I have no idea how it's gonna work on the flip side!?
My FILs told me I can call them Mom and Dad. It still feels too weird to me, even though we're really close. I tend to not call them anything, which is a bit weird! I still call them by their first names when talking to other people.
No way! However, if the family dynamics were different I would have no problem calling them "mom" and "dad". I doubt that they would even expect me to, as we never even hug (even after receiving xmas and birthday gifts, which used to drive me crazy since I'm from a family where some of my earliest memories are being squished by my parents as they chanted "huggy huggy huggy"... anyway).
FI's wants me to call his parents "mom" and "dad" but I feel weird about that- I still have managed to avoid calling them anything. In my mind they are Mr and Mrs ******* because they have the same names as my divorced aunt and uncle. I don't know my parents will result in FI calling them mom and dad.
Boy did I luck out on this one, as my Husband calls his parents by their first names :). He apparently never called his father by anything but because his father thinks "Dad" is stupid. And as he got older he started calling his mother by an affectionate nickname. In conversation he'll refer to her as "mom" but that isn't what he calls her, if that makes sense.
I tend to feel like the other posters who said they already had a "mom and dad".
No way! I have a mom and dad and it would be SO WIERD to call FMIL and FFIL "mom" and "dad". We don't have that type of relationship.
I am workin toward it. I love them a lot and they have accepted me as if I were family very early on. I would love to be able to call them mom and dad with ease, but it is difficult. Right now it is first names but maybe by the time we are married. They requested that I call them mom and dad or whatever I feel comfortable with.
I'm having such a struggle with this! Sometimes I want to say mom and dad and others I want to say their first names...it has been 3 weeks since the wedding so we will see how it goes. I think it will be easier once we have kids ;) maybe that is wrong but I've always thought it would be!
I am actually so excited to call them Mom and Dad! Haha...it's a little weirder with FI Dad bc I'm not as close, but I"m super close with his Mom and can't wait to call her Mom. I actually asked her a few months back if she would care if I called her that once we were married and she said no that's fine. I am really close with both of MY parents, esp. my Dad, but both sides of my parents called their in-laws mom and dad so I grew up hearing my parents call my grandparents Mom and Dad. I guess that's why it's ingrained in me to do the same. I guess it's what you grew up with and what you are used to doing.
One of my son's dear friends calls me MommaJackie and that is too sweet. I'm thinking that his girlfriend may someday call me MommaJackie also. I don't expect her to call me Mom even though I would love that because I know she has a wonderful relationship with her own parents.
With my own in-laws, I call my MIL "Mom" and my FIL "Bob" because while Mom has treated me with love and respect, that is not so for Bob.
It may be a good idea to take the lead on this and tell your FILs that you will call them "_____". This will head off any misunderstanding.
No I call them by their first names!
NEVER! My FMIL doesn't act like my mom. Plus my mom's my mom. That's all the mom I need.
I think it's very cultural. The thought of calling anyone that much older than me by their first names gives me heart palpitations. All my elders are either 'Aunt Jane' or 'Uncle Bob' to me and my guy's mum is 'mum' to me. And mine is to him.
As an aside, I remember in college, my bestie's parents kept telling me to call them their first names. I bluntly refused. My mother would have bopped me upside the head if she heard me call my friend's mum by her first name. Oh, and my friends know my mother WOULD NEVER extend that invitation to them 
Me and my fiance have been together for almost three years and still joke around that we still have no clue what to call each others' parents. He sometimes calls me mom "mom" and sometimes her first name. I have gotten a little more comfortable calling his parents by their first names but I grew up that that was disrespectful so it is taking some time to get over that. Normally I just wait for them to look at me and then I ask them my question...I know, that sounds terrible!
They have automatically been signing cards and what not as "mom and dad", but growing up I always had to refer to them as Mrs./Mr. because his mom was just weird about it. Honestly, I don't call them anything lol After all of these years I've never used their names straight to their face. If I'm referring to them to someone else I use their first names though but I don't feel like I need to call them mom and dad really.
I think it would be so odd to call them mom and dad. And MY mom would be horrified if my FI called her mom. We use first names.
My FMIL is pretty cool and one day I asked her what she would like me to call her. She replied that she didn't care so I chose to call her by her first name. I already have a Mom and Dad so I thought it would be weird to call her Mom too.
For now, his parents are "Miss Mary" and "Mr Doug" to me--since I've called them that since I was 15! We do the Miss+FirstName thing for friendly adults where I grew up. Where I live now, everyone thinks this is very cute :)
I always figured we would switch to "Mom" and "Dad" for each other's parents, since each of our parents do the same for their ILs. But that's been over a long time period, right? I figure there's no reason to switch over entirely right away.
It definitely is a cultural thing. I'm chinese and growing up it was never weird to see either of my parents call their in-laws mom or dad. thats just the way it was and is in the culture.
Now that i'm married, my husband calls my parents Mom and Dad since they asked if he would and he has no problems. I call my in-laws by their firist name as thats what they requested i do. or sometimes Mummsy in law, but it wouldn't bother me calling them a variation of mom and dad.
As for rest of the family, i call my husbands grandparents Grandma so and so or Nanny and Grandpa. and Aunt so and so, Uncle so and so.
I call FI's parents by their first names and will likely do so for at least the first few years after we're married.
When I'm talking about them I'll often drop the "your" or the "FI's" before saying Mom or dad. Example: Mom and Dad are really excited about the party. Instead of FI's Mom and Dad are really excited.
It's more out of laziness than anything. I'm simply too lazy to utter that extra word.
my inlaws would rather i call them mom and dad, but understand that i'm not comfy doing that. his dad called his inlaws by their first name b/c he didn't really like them. his mom called her inlaws mom and dad b/c she loved them. my parents call their inlaws by their first name so that's what i'm used to. i write cards out to mom and dad b/c they're from me and my hubby, and i do love them, but it's just not right for me to call them that.
A couple of years into our relationship MIL refered to herself as mom with me and then took it away a few months later.
I don't call MIL anything because what I would like to call her is inappropriate. So I just start talking if I absolutely must. As someone else said I will refer to them as whatever our kids call her. And she is no mom to me.
Mine said they never ever want to meet me, so I'll never have to worry about it.
If they did, I'd probably use first names. It's what I'm comfortable with, and they would be used to their friends calling them that.
I'm fine not ever meeting them. It's going to suck for any children we adopt though.
I wish my in-laws would let me call them something more than just Mr and Mrs or by first names. But they haven't given me any indication that that's something they'd like. FH asked them if that would be ok and they said yes but I still don't because I think they gave permission just because he pressured them and because they never said anything when I call them Mr and Mrs.
I'm going with first names, as I always have.
But in a card or a letter, I would go for the sentiment of the 'Mom and Dad'.
oh, such a funny topic. i seriously think this is a generational thing. my parents really want my FH to call them 'mom' and 'dad' and his dad doesn't seem to care. we both are not on board. we'll stick with first names.
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