Do you/will you spank your children?

posted 2 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

No to spanking. Studies show that it leads to aggression later on in life. Violence begets violence.

I just don’t understand the concept… hitting someone to make them understand? Sounds like poor parenting to me. 

I know this is a really heated debate, but I’ll never compromise on it.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/13/spanking_n_5977328.html

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/moral-landscapes/201309/research-spanking-it-s-bad-all-kids <br /><br />http://socialwork.columbia.edu/news-events/spanking-negatively-influences-children-s-cognitive-development-columbia-researchers-find

Post # 3
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I don’t think I can truly answer this question until I have kids of my own but I was spanked when I was younger and, I too, am really glad that I was!

There’s a big difference between spanking and beating and I think that’s where most get confused and some don’t quite know where to draw the line, which is a huge issue.

That being said, I would spank my kids but would definitely try to find a way to discipline them without spanking first and if nothing works, go from there.

Btw I watched that episode as well and it was so funny!!

Post # 4
Member
4089 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

No. It’s unacceptable and disgusting. It’s been common knowledge that spanking children is harmful for what, like 40 years? IMO, it’s barbaric and lazy parenting. I think there is something really wrong with someone who has it in them to strike a child. Having seen a lot of kids that ended up “accidenally” injured from parents who lose their cool, and having grown up being spanked… nope. Never. 

ETA: this debate

Post # 5
Member
2115 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

No.

Not only do I agree with MoonAndStars:‘ points but I just read an article about how spanking stimulates the ONE artery we have that feeds both your butt and genitals. That means that every time you spank your kid they’ll get blood rushing to their genitals thru no fault of their own. Kinda confuses things huh? 

http://www.slate.com/articles/health_and_science/medical_examiner/2014/09/spanking_is_a_sex_act_which_is_why_it_should_not_be_used_for_punishing_children.html

 

Post # 6
Member
5521 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

There is miles and miles of space between a swift swat on the tush and beating a child. Personally I know I have an explosive temper and would not use a spanking in the proper, call, controlled manner it requires. But DH is cool as a cucumber and of the need should arise (as in all other means of punishment have been exhausted) he will. Both of us were spanked as children,  I fairly ddistinctly remember every time and I was being a royal brat who wouldn’t pay attention every time. And so far neither of us are terrorist or psycho killers.But sometimes I needed a more apparent reminder to listen and behave than words alone got.

Some children mind perfectly with a raised eyebrow look and some dont. I think punishment has to fit your child. And punishments of all kinds must be done when calm and collected, not in anger.

Post # 7
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

LadyBlackheart:  I don’t disagree with the occasional spank as long as it’s never done out of anger. I must say I love all of this chatter about how horrible, lazy, barbaric, etc. parents are when they spank their kids. Please. It’s tough enough to be a parent without being judged (and ridiculed) by a bunch of childless know it alls riding in on their high horses. Unless you have children of your own, STFU and don’t judge.

Post # 8
Member
2676 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

LadyBlackheart:  This is 2014. If the wrong person sees you, you will probably get arrested. Not worth it.

Post # 9
Member
373 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

GrumpytheDwarf:  OP asked a question, and I answered. I’m not judging… facts are facts.  

BTW, your username really suits you.

Post # 10
Member
1878 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - Valparaiso, IN

I hardly think spanking is lazy or barbaric. But I do think there is a right and wrong way to do it. And there is a huge difference between spanking and hiring your child or of anger. My  parents NEVER  spanked me when they were mad. They would make me go to my room to think about what I had done, but really I think it was so they could cool down before they had to discipline me. 

I will say though, not every child who want spanked turns out to be a self -centered beat. You have to figure out what for of discipline works best for your child. Spanking never worked for my sister. She would laugh at my mom when she got a spanking from her. But make her sit in time out? She would beg and plead and apologize profusely.

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 11 months ago by  MrsWoods47.
Post # 11
Member
537 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Eh, studies find “correlations” between things all the time that I don’t necessarily believe are related. I was spanked as a child. I have never, ever engaged in any type of violent behavior, not ever. I fully support my mom in spanking me and I, too, am glad it happened. You know what I learned from it? Respect. Discipline. That Mom isn’t fucking around when she tells me to do/not do something. I can recall getting spanked twice in my life. What happened after that? I learned to listen and not be a brat.

Sometimes words aren’t enough to make a point. Unfortunately, some kids are too young to understand certain actions (like grounding or taking away privileges) and too young to feel bad about “I’m disappointed in you.” What they do understand, 9 times out of 10, is a swat on the behind. Not all diciplinary actions work for all children and I think that parents should use what works for their children without being judged, even if that includes spanking.

Post # 12
Member
736 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

MoonAndStars:  thanks, that’s why I used it. Btw, your article has zero scientific basis. It’s based on opinion, not on fact, and therefore has no actual references making it overall invalid. 

Regardless, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and I respect that. However, judging parents of children the way you have is pretty low. Especially considering you have none of your own. 

Post # 13
Member
127 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I never ever would. I believe any behavior problem (without an outstanding condition like ADD, ADHD, autism, etc.) can be corrected with patience and consistency, which too many parents lack. If your child is throwing a fit because they don’t want to clear the dinner table, talk to them. Maybe they hate touching the dirty dishes, and they would gladly rather help you set the table before dinner than have to clear it afterward. Whatever the situation is, allow the child to have some input in their own lives. They are remarkably insightful, when they feel that they can trust their parent to hear them. Besides, conditioning by pain only works when it is consistent. (Again, children need consistency.) If a child touches a hot stove, they get burned every time. But the parent won’t always be around to spank-correct any given behavior. How can someone expect children to recognize and manage their own feelings when the parents are throwing temper tantrums themselves? 

Post # 14
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

MoonAndStars:  THIS!

Nope, nope, nope I will NEVER lay a hand on my future kids.

I am a nonviolent person and why anyone would ever lay a hand on a small CHILD, I will never get! I would much rather be embarrassed in public by my kids acting out than ever have to spank them to get them to behave. I will use my words and rely on other parenting skills, or heck just fail at that particulr moment before I ever spank my kid. 

Also, I hate the reasoning that “oh my parents spanked me and look I came out normal!!!” … Good for you, but that’s not the norm. You are the exception to the rule. The general rule is that kids become more aggressive later in life which is backed by actual research, not just single experiences.

Post # 15
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee

I know I am about to get flamed. But that’s ok.

I spank. But he and I have an agreement about it he gets 2 warnings and then he gets a spanking. I have a very stubborn VERY hard headed 6 year old. I tried time out, redirection, taking things away, rewards, behavior charts, ignoring the behavior and on and on. I have NEVER spanked my son in anger and I have never spanked him when I know that I can not control it. If we get to that point we both take a 5 min time out in our seperate areas and then come back to it. Enough for both of us to calm down. I know myself and I know my child. I can redirect him until I am blue in the face and he will continue the behaviors. 1 spank and he knows. It works. Every.single.time. I have never touched him with anything other than an open hand over pants. I’ve threatened to drop his pants but he usually gets the picture pretty quickly. I haven’t had to spank him in several months. The threat is enough to correct the behavior ASAP. I have a 6 year old who behaves, is independent, eats what is put in front of him, follows directions and is smart and is much further ahead of his peers in school.

I’ve heard a million times that it’s stupid, abusive, lazy, forces children to have aggression issues and on and on. Guess what? I’m not a stupid person or a bad parent. But I refuse to let my child run my life and he will have respect and he will listen and follow directions. No questions asked.

I was a poster child for child abuse. I went through several foster homes when I was growing up. I know what child abuse is because I’ve witnessed it and been on the receiving end of it several times. Spanking is not child abuse. Beating your child is child abuse.

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