Post # 1
I am having (and paying for) a MUA and hairstylist to come to the house to do hair and makeup for everyone. My BM wants to go to her normal hairstylist which I am fine with. She charges a lot more than what the hairstylist is that’s coming to the house so I told her I would reimburse her what I would have paid for the one I booked. She’s fine with that.
So her and her daughter (the jr. BM) are going to this lady and the MOH, myself, flower girl, and other jr. BM are getting ours done at the house. It’s a casual outdoor wedding so I want loose, flowing hair and hate the look of buns or all hair pulled back. All of us at the house will have a similar style but I have pretty much let everyone pick something that they like that fits the overall style.
Do I have any say in how the other two get their hair done? Or do I just let them do whatever they would like, even if it doesn’t match the rest of us? I just want the pictures to turn out good….I am NOT trying to be a controlling bride and definitely don’t want to come across that way.
Post # 3
If you are paying, then I think you get a say. However, you should also take your BMs’ opinions into account. Just say you’d prefer every have their hair down and then maybe send a few inspiration pictures. But if a BM is really uncomfortable with her hair down (for whatever reason) then I’d just let her put it up.
Post # 4
- Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA
I think you could just say “hey girls, I was thinking we could do loose waves – what do you think about that?” If someone REALLY doesn’t want that, they’ll say so. Otherwise, hopefully, they’ll be chill and agree. (I certainly would, especially since you’re paying.)
Post # 5
This is one of the million reasons I never accept invites to be in weddings anymore, but I’ll try to answer objectively.
If you are paying, sure, you get “the say.” However, if I were a bridesmaid and someone said “hey sister, I’m paying for your hair to get done, and you have to wear it up or back”, I’d either a) step down or b) offer to pay my own person.
Why? I do not, ever, under any circumstances where my hair up outside of the pool/gym/work…because I have big ears. I hate them, and wouldn’t agree to standing in front of everyone with those bad boys flopping in the wind.
While I personally would prefer my bridesmaids to look like the best version of their unique selves, I understand it’s critically important to some brides to have everyone identical. I vote to ask each of your girls how they like to wear their hair. Maybe you’ll luck out and they’ll all like something similar. If they do not, I promise no one will comment or care that they don’t match.
Post # 6
I think that you should give them polite suggestions, but in the end you should be considerate of your bridal party’s opinions and preferences as well. More than likely they will all fall into line with the image you want, but imo they will appreciate not being told they MUST have it done a certain way.
I simply told my girls to pick their own styles. I don’t feel passionate about hairdos, but I do feel passionate about my girls being comfortable and happy.
Post # 7
To be truthful, I think it is a bit controlling. If I was in an outdoor August wedding, you bet your boots that I will be putting my hair up in a bun, unless you want me to be in your pictures covered in sweat, or fainting from the heat. I think it is more important that everyone is comfortable.
Post # 8
I think you should explain what kind of look you are going for, and if you want their hair up or down. It depending on season and location, they might ask for their hair to be up, so be prepared with some options that go with the vision you have.
Post # 9
I paid for my BM’s hair, but didn’t have set hairstyles I wanted them to have. I told them to come with some idea of what they wanted, and if I really was against it, I said so. But I wasn’t concerned with matching hairstyles, so the hairdresser just did whatever.
You could give them some pointers, or show some photos of what you’d like them to do, and get their input on that. Would you be okay if they had some loose curls, but the top part of their hair was pulled back?
Post # 10
I don’t see why you can’t offer a polite suggestion. In fairness, no bride has ever mentioned or even seemed to care how I wore my hair for their wedding. I think it’s just understood “show up on the day of and please look as nice as possible.” I don’t have any friends who are utterly unable to achieve that objective regarding hair. It’s a special occasion!
Post # 11
I didn’t tell my bridesmaids how to wear their hair or make-up, but I also didn’t pay for it. But I still think it is somewhat controlling to tell them how to wear their hair. Open hair seems to be the best option for YOU, but many girls hate open hair, especially when they are outdoors in the heat for hours. People with fine or thin hair will not be able to pull the “flowy look” off anyway, and the hair also might fall flat after a while.
Anyway, I would not tell them how to wear their hair.
Post # 12
Nope, this is controlling. At least it comes off as very controlling. These are girls who will want to look how they feel most beautiful. They are not props in the wedding, they are people.
ETA: I paid for my girls’ dresses, hair & makeup. They chose all of them.
Post # 13
I mean…do you really care how they wear their hair?
Post # 14
I voted no. I heard of it, my own sister did it. She just requested it up. But I don’t like it!
Post # 15
OP in your situation, it doesn’t hurt to say: I’d like such and such a look since it’s a casual outdoor wedding.
Post # 16
You can have a say but I don’t think you can tell them what to do. If I’m outside in the hot sun with my hair down for more than 10 minutes it looks like limp spaghetti, it’s terrible. I could probably work with you on a half up or a side swept messy pony or something, but if it’s down, you can bet you don’t want it in your pictures!