Post # 1
I’ll just start off by saying that I’m totally anti-shower for a number of reasons. A large one being that I feel it’s kind of rude to expect people to bring you a gift to your shower(s) AND wedding. I’m not trying to start a debate about whether I should have a shower or not or if you like them or not…there are other posts for that. If you want to have a shower, that’s your perogative. I just prefer not to have one. I’m fine with people bringing gifts to the wedding, but there’s no need to do double duty. Fiance and I were discussing this recently and his family thinks that the shower gift IS the wedding gift. My family and everyone that I have ever known gives both a shower gift(which is usually a smaller monetary value) AND a wedding gift which is usually more costly. Do you give a gift for the shower and wedding, just the shower, or just the wedding?
Post # 4
A shower gift for a shower, a wedding gift for a wedding. If you don’t want to give a shower gift, don’t and give one at the wedding.
Post # 5
I’m in your camp, you need a shower gift AND a wedding gift. I mean that’s how it works anywhere I’ve ever lived.
Post # 6
I think some of this is regional. I grew up in Texas, where its 1 marriage = 1 gift. It seems that its different here in New England where I live now, and people do both. I have also been under the impression that showers are held so that it is more convenient for the couple to deal with gifts, rather than having to make a plan to shlup or ship them somewhere on the wedding day.
If the predominant ettiquette where you are is to do both, I would get something small for the shower and larger for the wedding, or vice versa. Sometimes the smallest gifts can be thoughtful. A wedding attendent gave us a leather-bound book and pen for us to journal in over our honeymoon, which we did.
Post # 7
I usually cap a shower gift around $50 or $60. Wedding gifts are larger, and vary by how close I am to the couple.
Oh yeah, so I give both.
Post # 8
- Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI
I always give gifts for both. Often at the bridal shower more people seem likely to give a gift that’s just for the bride, like wedding sweats or naughty lingere to embarrass her. I’ve seen both and sometimes at the same shower. The gifts seemed to vary widely. For a wedding gift I do usually spend more or just give a card with money.
Post # 9
I always give both. Sometimes the shower gift is smaller, depending on how close I am with the bride or couple, but I always give a gift for both.
Post # 10
You’re really supposed to give both, but I had people that came to my shower who gave me my wedding gift there. For example, one very close family friend purchased two of my china place settings. She told me it was my shower and wedding gift – which is just fine by me since they were super expensive! One of my bridesmaids gave me a gift at my shower on behalf of her whole famliy. It was wine glasses and two beer mugs that I had registered for – also pretty expensive since she bought all of them. I didn’t expect a wedding gift on top of that – it was clear that it was both. I did have one of my mom’s friends buy me some dish towels for my shower, and then give me a check at the wedding. Dish towels are a very typical shower gift to me (inexpensive, cute, for the kitchen), and with her financial status and “status” in general, I knew I could probably expect a check. I just know it’s what she does.
On the flip side, I gave a sandwich toaster thing to one of my close friends (she was a bridesmaid in my wedding) at her shower, and I honestly couldn’t afford anything else for the wedding. Finances were unbelievably tight at that time – tighter than now and they’re still tight. I’m sure my friend understood because our friendship trumps traditional etiquette.
Post # 11
Both. If you are attending the wedding and don’t want to give two gifts, don’t attend the shower.
Post # 12
All the showers I’ve ever been to include a meal. If they’re feeding you, you should bring a gift. That’s how I’ve always seen it.
Post # 14
I give a gift for both.
I also dislike shower of any kind bridal/ baby, to me they seem gift grabby and I usually find them a little boring:(
Post # 15
I was in the same boat with you a few months ago. I never knew people gave a shower AND wedding gift. I always thought the shower was just a way to give the bride a gift before the wedding. Actually, this wasn’t just a misunderstanding—this is how people do it where I’m from. I just always thought that’s how it went. After doing some looking though, I realized that may just be my “area”. So I’m trying to be more aware of the situation. I was recently invited to a bridal shower for a girl who went to HS with my husband. I don’t know her all that well but she flew thousands of miles to attend our wedding and unfortunatly, we can’t make theirs. So I sent a small gift. Nothing big—like $25 (which I think is appropriate coming from someone who has only met the bride 2 times). And of course, we’ll also send a wedding gift from both my husband and I. If I ever felt like I didn’t want to send 2 gifts, I would decline the shower invite.
Post # 16