Does age affect how long you plan to wait for a proposal?

posted 3 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Have you talked to him about what you want?

Post # 4
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Everyone is different, but in my case, yes age would affect it. If I were 19 or 20, I would expect to wait at least five years so that we could both finish our educations and get settled in careers.

If I were in my late 40s (which is how old I was when I met DH), I wouldn’t be willing to wait very long because I’m at that point in life where I know what I want and don’t want to waste time.

In your case however, I think you’ve waited long enough.

You don’t have to put up with this, you know… this isn’t his decision. It’s yours. You can choose to let him know that while you’ve been sitting quietly in his back pocket for the past however many years, you feel differently now and you would like to know what his intentions are. And then if you don’t like his intentions, you can leave and go make a new life for yourself and pursue your goals and dreams. It’s really that simple. Although I realize it probably doesn’t seem that way from where you’re sitting. 

Post # 6
Member
2355 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Okay, that’s generally what helps me try to give advice in these situations. If he has inconsistent reasons or takes you ring shopping and never presents a ring or mentions a specific date but doesn’t stick to it, and this is something that goes on for an extended length of time, then he is stalling. So, assuming he is stalling, and you have that piece of information, you have a choice to make – are you okay with the knowledge that he does not want to marry you? Can you stay with him without marriage? If not, then it’s time to go.

Post # 9
Member
6274 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

talk to him. 

 i was 31 and DH was 34 when we got engaged.  we dated for just over 2 years.  people in our age group were getting engaged after a year.  we both knew we wanted to marry each other, so i didn’t understand the hold up. 

Post # 10
Member
1896 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@alicewhite87:  You have a baby together?  That affects how long I would wait more than age. Especially if only in your 20’s.  

And, instead of telling him that you’re asking because he said I would do it by now, I would say to actually tell him how YOU FEEL about it.  Throwing something back in his face isn’t going to help him understand your position, and how you feel about waiting/marriage is just as important as how he feels or what he says. 

Post # 11
Member
2131 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Age definitely made a difference for me! FI and I started dating when we were 18, so there was just no way we were going to get engaged for AT LEAST 4 years (when we graduated college), and in reality, it took almost 6 years for him to pop the question.

If we hadn’t met so young and started dating right now, for instance (we’re 25), I would never in a million years wait 6 years for a proposal. 

I think at your age, your feelings are totally reasonable.

When I used to bring up getting engaged/married with FI, he acted like your SO is now – he would get defensive and angry. Looking back, I realize he just wasn’t ready yet and me talking about it only made him more not ready (if that makes any sense). Unfortunately, your SO is 31 – he should know what he wants by now. I would take a real stand on this one and make sure he understands how important marriage is to you and that you’re not willing to compromise on that.

Post # 12
Member
1802 posts
Buzzing bee

I was 15 and SO was 17 when we started dating, so 6-8 years doesn’t seem like such a long time to wait for a proposal. If we had just met now or in a few years I would assume we’d wait only 2-4 years to get engaged. 

Post # 13
Member
3735 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@alicewhite87:  I think you need to be frank and tell her where you are prepared to take the relationship (marriage? family someday?) and ask him if he feels the same. This is a conversation that should not be accusatory but an open, honest discussion. If you and he do not have the same roadmap, I think you should move on.

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