Post # 1
My sister and I have clashing personalities and therefore obviously don’t get on. I’m not exactly an angel but consider myself a kind person. She doesn’t have any friends and made me her maid of honour at her wedding. I’d do anything for my sister: for her wedding I stayed up till midnight to design all her wedding stationery, paid for her expensive letterpressed wedding invites, spent a few days of my holiday abroad to shop for the four bridesmaids dresses (& accessories), gave her a pretty head piece of mine and bought her a svarovski bridal necklace she wore on the day, abandoned our cousin from overseas to pick up sister’s wedding cake just to get stuck in a traffic jam for 1.5 hours and for sister to text me she didn’t need me anymore, she got stressed during wedding planning I got screamed at by her twice in public places (no apology from her, of course!), spent hours organising her hen do only for her to tell me she wants two hen dos and expects me to pay for everything, etc.
I got engaged recently and invited her to my engagement party. She didn’t turn up because apparently she couldn’t afford to come out (even though she went partying for someone’s birthday the week before and after) and it was too far for her (she lives less than 40mins away and our friends that day were travelling double the amount of time) and the third excuse was she had laundry to do. Then she made it clear she won’t help with my wedding planning unless I ask her to be my bridesmaid which I have done. But now she won’t go bridal shopping with me, absolutely hates all my ideas and when I asked her to help me plan one small aspect for my wedding she refused! After all my efforts for her wedding, she doesn’t even want to be happy for me or support me! I’m not asking much am I?
As I am having 5 bridesmaids I made it clear to them that I won’t be able to afford a dress for them but I wanted to contribute £40 towards a dress for each bridesmaid. The four bridesmaids were happy to do so as they were honoured to be asked to be in my bridal party – not so my sister. She did contribute more towards me being a bridesmaid but I also saved her hundreds of pounds and have put a lot of time, effort and money into her wedding. She demanded more money off me so she can buy an expensive bridesmaids dress. I declined saying it wouldn’t be fair on the other girls and that I didn’t have the budget. Then she moved on and accused me of not spending much money on birthday presents for her. I actually spend over £100 on her last two birthdays which is much more than what she spent but I don’t throw that back into her face? I’d never mention anything like that because we’re sisters. I just told her that sometimes she will spend more money on me, and other times when I spent more on her but we’re sisters after all so it shouldn’t matter and that I needed her support.
This fell on deaf ears so I’ve made the decision to fire her as a bridesmaid which is not a nice thing to do but I can’t afford any more drama from here. She is now pregnant anyway… My FI has asked her husband, my brother in law, to be one of his groomsmen. At first he agreed to it but suddenly he has backed out of it now and mentioned that my sister needs help with the baby once it is born. Seeing there will be tonnes of relatives at our wedding I don’t really how our families couldn’t take care of the baby. It’s clear my sister hates me so much she won’t allow her husband to be a groomsmen which I think is out of order but I haven’t mentioned anything.
Now sister has announced that we don’t need to buy each other xmas or birthday presents from now on – she’s just caring like that. She also said I don’t have to buy presents for her son but it’s my newphew after all. I treat him as my own, I love him to bits, why wouldn’t I treat him to presents??? Surely she can’t tell me not to treat him???
So yeah, if it wasn’t for my nephew, I wouldn’t have put up with nearly 30 years of my sister’s crap…
Post # 2
yup, you’re not alone! as i was reading certain parts of your post i swore i thought i wrote it haha.
my sister has no friends (because she is mean and judges everyone), so i was her MOH. i made her my MOH simply because i didn’t want the drama and i knew she’d be super organized (and she’s been surprisingly good!) but she’s bitching about my friends not RSVPing/paying quickly enough for my bachelorette and i’m like STOP! it’s not for another month. we also have a half sister with a 3YO son… she’s never bought him a gift or attended any of his birthdays. i wonder how it’ll be when i have kids… (since she clearly doesn’t want any of her own). a part of me does not want to introduce my future children into her and her husband’s toxic life… but i guess we’ll have to see when we get there. i actually decided no more gifts between my sister and i because she’s too cheap that she’ll ask how much i’m spending and spend the same amount to a T… so then we both gift each other $25 gift cards. it was stupid so i said enough of that.
Post # 3
Wow, we might have the same sister. At least you have another sister to chat to! I only have the one. I wish I had a loving sister who would support me and be happy for me. Thankfully I have some really lovely friends who compensate for my sister. I hope your relationship with your sister improves 🙂 x
Post # 4
I think you “dodged the bullet,” by not having either of them in your bridal party. Maybe it’s time to announce that you’re having an adult only wedding?
Post # 5
Wow.. All i can say is that my 6 years older sister has a son i have not met yet and probably will not, she is not included in my wedding and we all moved on. I would never even count on her she is in this as you write… All about money & gifts. ush!
she is my only sister so i am incredibly happy that my FI has two sisters that i can finally have a sister-relationship wuth.. Sad thing tho
Post # 6
I’m sorry to hear that you haven’t met your nephew yet. It’s such a shame! They’re the innocent ones. I really miss my nephew, I haven’t seen him in a few months. I can’t bear the thought of not seeing him. If I broke all contact with my sister she won’t let me see my nephew!
All I want is to have a loving older sister who is there for me. I’m so glad you have lovely sister-in-laws to have that kind of relationship with. My FI only has two brothers! Thanks for sharing your story with me 🙂 x
Post # 7
I am so sorry. Your sister sounds like mine – she gets along great with people…as long as they are doing something for her. You do 1000 things for her but you tell her no once and she cries how she’s all alone in the world and no one loves her. <br />For my sister, there were many other factors to the issue, but a few years back I estranged myself from her. I have nephews that I had to mentally prepare myself to never see again. But it wasn’t just for me, we always fought so hard anytime we were together, so it would be better for my nephews anyways. However, I do get to see them when they see my parents.
Post # 8
PonyoPan: My Dad used to say “You don’t get to choose your relatives”.
I have 5 sisters and my relationship with one of them is tenuous at best. If you asked her what it was like growing up in our family, then heard my version, you would never know we grew up in the same family. She looks for the negative in everything and I am the exact opposite. She’s a user and I’m a giver.
I have a great relationship with her children, however.
Post # 9
PonyoPan: um wow… my sister just said YESTERDAY ‘let’s not bother getting each other birthday or xmas presents anymore’ as well! I was shocked and hurt but… what can you do.
I also had a really hard time with my sister being totally selfish before my wedding but she pulled through a month or two before the big event.
I completely understand!!!!!!!!! I love my sister but she is SO selfish, probably the most selfish person I know and thinks she’s always right – you can never have the last word with her no matter who you are.
Post # 10
Thank you so much ladies, for sharing your stories. I can definitely identify with all your versions of the difficult sister! I am seriously thinking about not bothering with mine and then I just change my mind, maybe I should just not respond to her texts and be civil to her when I see her so I can spend time with my nephew. The thought of cutting her off for good and to be free of her emotional abuse sounds so tempting…
Post # 11
PonyoPan: You are not alone at all!
Your sister sounds like mine. The world revolves around her and her opinion is law. I have never been super close with my sister so I didn’t make her my MOH, she has made numerous snarky comments about my MOH (who is amazing). I have also heard of her talking behind my back to family about how I haven’t booked a date yet. Like its inconviencing her. I want to be in a better place financially before I start to plan, in order to have the wedding FI and I want.
I think the best thing to do is have your sis and her husband as guests to the wedding. Your bridesmaids should reflect the girls that support you no matter what and are positive toward your big day, not hindrances.. I wish you luck, if it wouldn’t cause the beginning of WW3 I probably wouldn’t have my sister in my wedding party either…
Post # 12
bahahahahahahahahhahahaha…pretty sure difficult is somewhere in the definition of sister
Post # 13
My sister is the complete opposite of myself also. We only see each other when my dad has everyone over for the holidays but I make it a point to avoid her even then. My sister didn’t come to my wedding because she couldn’t bring her st Bernard and her other equally as large dog. She say they are “service dogs”. Ha. There is nothing wrong with that woman or her husband that they would need a service animal. Plus, we had at least half a dozen nurses, a doctor, and two military medics at our wedding and a stupid dog is going to help her with what that a doctor couldn’t take care of. Ugh. She is a lazy,self righteous, self centered, over dramatic princess. My brother and I have decided that after my parents pass away, we will never see her again.
Post # 14
Please read my post about my sister being a horrible friend/sister in general. It’s terrible not to have that kind of relationship with your sister, but it hurts even worse to keep trying.
I’m sorry to everyone who is in a similar situation- no matter what is going on!
Post # 15
julies1949: That is EXACTLY my sister. I’m 25, she’s 18. She makes herself out to have this horrible family. She talks so much crap about all of us. Yet, when I haven’t asked her to be a bridesmaid (I haven’t officially asked anyone yet), she went off on my mom about me and how she’d be so pissed if I have my stepsister (who I get along with really well) and not her.
Mind you, I moved away 5 years ago and I have only talked to her a handful of times since I left! So.. It’s not like we have this great relationship and i’d be leaving her out. As it is, I’m trying to decide whether or not to ask her to be in the wedding. I don’t want to burn that bridge in case she does decide to grow up because I know somewhere (deep) in side her, she’s a good person… But she just always acts like this spoiled rotten little B.
So… we’ll see. I’m going to have a serious conversation with her about it and the wedding and see what she has to say and how she acts. I will NOT have her ruin my wedding day either way.