Post # 1
I have a friend who lives off her husband’s parents. She doesn’t work, doesn’t have a job and just graduated with an expensive masters degree (that her MIL paid off for her.) She isn’t looking for a job, has no interest in working, doesn’t want children and spends her day watching Netflix or reading books. Her husband works a minimum wage job (he wants to get independence from his parents) but yet they receive a large “allowance” from his mom. They just bought a new custom mustang, have a nice roomy 3 bedroom apartment, eat only organic…you get the point.
I’m getting to the point where I can’t stand this friend anymore. She has recently started complaining that his parents wont give them enough money to buy a 300k+ house, but instead they have to “budget for 150k.” When we hang out its always something like that. She was never this completely entitled self-centered person. I work so hard every day, am well aware of our finances and try to keep ourselves on track. When she asks about my job she responds with “ew, I could never do something like that” or “nope, I would never work a full time job.”
I don’t want to say I’m jealous (because working for what you have is such a great feeling) but sometimes it just really sucks when your friend flaunts everything they have (that was given to them) and yet they still complain. It also sucks to have a friend who has no concept of what real life is like.
Part of me wants to just cut ties with her but its not that easy becasue we are close friends with her husband too lol.
(Sorry I wasnt sure where to put this thread…Married Life seemed best but idk)
Post # 3
She sounds like a brat that has no idea what the real world is about. All you can hope for is that eventually she will know and appreciate everything everyone else is doing for her.
Post # 4
Yes! I have a friend like that (her now husband too) and it used to drive me nuts, but I kept saying wait until they live in the real world like the rest of us and have bills to pay and can’t afford to eat at expensive restaurants every week. She just got married and bought a house, so we will see how things play out! Family gave them an early wedding present which is the only way they could have afforded to buy a house- must be nice, we can barely afford the house we are trying to buy right now after saving for almost 3 years!
Post # 5
Who cares? It has absolutely nothing to do with you. How someone chooses to live their life is up to them.
If you no longer like her as a friend then that is a different issue. But the fact that she is supported by her MIL shouldn;t factor into that. I mean do you look down at SAHM/W who are technically supported by their husbands? Or colleague students who are fully supported by their parents? All of those adults could technically work as well.
I think you need to work out if it is just jealousy of her lucky situation or if you really dislike her personality (tendency to flaunt things, self centred etc). Because the two things are seperate in my book.
Post # 6
I have many friends that are like this. FI and I work hard for everything and all I hear from some of them is that they have to wait until they get “paid” to go out, that they have to stay under 80K for the wedding. Its to the point that I have cut ties with most because I cant deal with it anymore. One did get cut off from her IL and now has to pay for everything 400K house, 60K in cars, 130K wedding and she is now upset she just kept taking it since she never expected to have to pay it back. You either need to learn to tune it out or limit your exposure. I couldnt handle the comments, looks and them talking down to me since I worked for the modest things I have.
Post # 7
Cut her out of your life. Honestly. I could never be friends with someone like that. All of our friends work really hard for what they have, and I plan to teach that to my kids, too.
Post # 8
Gah, so many friends like that! But on the other hand, I would prefer someone live off their parents than mooch from a friend or significant other.. Parents are here to support you to an extent.
Post # 9
It’s a tough one, I have a few friends like this, from wealthy families who have had their houses, weddings and most of their lives paid for by their family. My parents have helped me out through really tough times but the mortgage, the wedding – all me and my fiance, I do get a bit bummed when I think about it being so easy for them, getting married really quick and having a dream house to start a family, but at the end of the day they are my firends, they arent bad people just different upbringing. I love my parents and family, and will be proud of my and my fiance when we do it all ourselves, just forget it – yeah her ‘lazyness’ may piss you off but hey everyone has something that gets on your nerves occasionally 🙂
Post # 10
I have a couple of friends who have no choice but to do this. It’s understandable. I have a friend who does this because he wants to, and he flaunts his free time and possessions like no one’s business. Don’t let it get to you.
Post # 11
I am one of those people who is financially supported by their parents, but I still live at home and am currently unable to do anything about it because of a medical issue. FI also supports me financially slightly as well. Sometimes people have no choice but rely on those closest to them. However your friend sounds slightly self entitled. But I agree with @j_jaye: don’t dump her as a friend just because you are jealous.
ETA: FI and I are both 23. We both still live at home, we won’t be getting married until well after we move out. He works full time, but doesn’t earn enough to live on his own yet. I have a Bachelor degree and am part way through a Master’s degree, but am unable to go to university right now because of the illness. So yes I am still dependant on my parents. And you know what? I would LOVE to be able to move out with FI. But with all the costs associated with that, especially my medical bills, it is just not possible.
Post # 12
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
@Imbadatmakingupusernames: I actually do know someone who still lives at home and he is over 30. He held one full time job down … once. I do not believe he is working right now. He has a full wing of the house to himself. I feel bad because they are being enabled to not grow as a person – they stay mentally in their very early twenties. And what will they do once their parents eventually pass? I just don’t get it. He is also one of the flakiest people I know. That being said he is very nice and doesn’t flaunt it like your friend. I just think it’s sad.
Post # 13
I think it depends on the reasons. If it’s some serious, like @Jacqui90 explaining about her situation, then I wouldn’t think twice about it. But if she’s just mooching for the sake of mooching, I think that’s frustrating and I would have a hard time dealing with it. I need friends who have similar experiences to me sometimes, and complaining about my boss to someone who doesn’t have or want a boss is hard because they just don’t get it.
I have a friend who is about 50/50 reliant on her parents and boasts about it all the time — how she can do whatever she wants because her dad will just let her use “his black card” to pay for things. It’s frustrating when she throws that in people’s faces (one friend complained about how she could barely afford her rent one month, and this girl turned around to say that she was mad her fully-paid-for vacation in Cancun wasn’t long enough as if they were similar problems).
Post # 14
Why on earth did she bother to get a masters degree if she isnt going to use it?
I have a friend who I love dearly but she hasn’t quite cut the cord yet. She works and moved out and bought a house with her fiance on their own, but shortly after her car died and her father now takes the train everyday while she uses his car to go to work and its been over a year! Buy a car! Additionally, when her fiance is out of town for work she goes to her parents and sleeps there, every single time.
I have tons of friends who are perfectly ok living at home while working with free room and board and other basics and spend the money they make on frivilous purchases, $600 purses/$300 sneakers etc
Post # 15
@Imbadatmakingupusernames: I don’t have any friends like that, but I do have a friend who has 3 daughters, 2 are over 18 and one is only 14. Obviously the 14 year old is supported by her mother. But the 21 year old is STILL pissed at her mother for kicking her out when she turned 18 while she sits in her $1,400/mo. apartment which her bf pays for and doesn’t work. No work, but she sure drinks like a fish, smokes weed and sits on her ass pretty good. And now the 18 year old is pissed that her mother kicked out for refusing to pay rent, refusing to share a bedroom with her little sister (my friend who’s 50 years old was rooming with the 14 year old) and expecting her mother to be her built in babysitter. Don’t worry though, she just moved from Mommy’s house to Daddy’s house. And then told her mother she won’t be seeing her grandson anymore to boot!
My friend works two jobs and barely pays the rent and the bills…her daughters are lazy assholes who use her for anything and everything they can get out of her. They’re emotionally abusive to her while they tote their father like the king of everything (ironic since he’s done squat to care for them since the divorce). It’s disgusting.
Post # 16
- Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur
Oh, I have family like this. My cousin has a degree but works at a makeup counter. Her husband dropped out of college his last year or semester to work at a jewellery store. They lived in my aunt and uncles basement while they flew first class, went on a bunch of vacations, wear fancy clothes, etc. Their cell phones are paid for, they gave the husband their truck, then consigned on another car because both of them have bad credit. Then they got pregnant and when my grandma had to go into a memory care facility, they moved in the same day, threw all my grandma’s stuff in the basement and started fixing up a place they don’t own or pay rent on. They didn’t even pay the utilities that were still in my grandma’s name. My grandma passed and they are still living there for free! But hey, they are going on a cruise a month after the baby is born! How sad, they refuse to support themselves but are bringing a child into this world? I’ve lived on my own since I graduated college, bought a home at 23, sold my home, and now own another one. Paid cash for my car and pay my own bills. can’t really blame anyone but the parents though. They are doing their children a disservice.