Post # 1
Regular Bee going anonymous on this one.
Lately I’ve noticed that I get this strange feeling of jealousy/possessiveness whenever my boyfriend gets too close to my family. Most of the time I’m happy that my family likes my boyfriend so much and that he likes them too. But occasionally -like if my boyfriend hangs out solo with my brother-in-law, or if my grandparents stop by to see my boyfriend at his workplace- I get this irrational jealous feeling. My mind just goes, “that is MY family” or less often, “that is MY boyfriend”. I’ve never said anything, but it does make me sort of moody when it happens.
I think that it started after my ex boyfriend and I broke up and my family kept in contact with him. For some reason it drove me crazy!
Now I’m not sure if I’m trying to avoid this type of situation again or what, but it seems unlikely since my boyfriend and I are planning on getting engaged soon.
I was just wondering if anyone else ever feels like this or had any ideas what would make me feel like this. Sorry, I know it seems so silly lol.
Post # 2
Well you are on a wedding website, so are you thinking of marriage with him? Because if you are, it will be HIS family too.
Post # 3
ann01: I think for many couples this would be the dream. No awkwardness between family and SO, getting along, actually wanting to check in and see him. To be honest, it seems like you’re holding on too much to the past and I don’t think it will have the best affect on your relationship if you keep it up. Be happy they get along easily and seem to care for him. AFter all, if you are planning on getting married he will be their family too!
Post # 4
My FI doesn’t have a lot of family, so I like when he wants to actually hang out with my family because I feel like maybe hes getting something out of it that hes been missing out on, if that makes sense?
I mean, I might feel strange if my FI and my mom started hanging out alone or something, but if I am there too I dont see the issue
Post # 5
cls9q: Good point, they would become his family too. Though technically as of right now he is just my boyfriend, not my fiance or anything.
Post # 6
ann01: Oh, I left out responding to your question. I never actually feel like this. I love when my sisters want to hang out with my husband. My niece is crazy in love with him (she’s 4) and I joke with her by saying “Hey! I watched you come into this world!” but laugh it off…I like that he is so loved (as am I by his family).
Post # 7
Be glad they get along, there are a lot of ladies here who would do anything for their family to like their SO. This sounds like a silly thing to be jealous over and you need to sit down and figure out why you are jealous. Then work on that and try not to ruin their relationship with your SO.
Post # 8
If my future so wanted to hang out with my friends solo then I would be jealous but family members I wouldn’t mind having my future so hang out solo with family members.
Post # 9
I don’t necessarily feel that way but I can completely understand why you feel the way you do. It would really upset me if my family kept in touch with an ex…and it sounds like that’s where this is all truly steming from…like you said. I hope that you’re able to get over it. Feelings like that aren’t fun.
Post # 10
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
I wish! I am convinced none of my family likes my FI. 🙁
Post # 11
i think you are mad to be jealous while he is your boyfriend fiancé or husband. The part where it is wrong wrong wrong is when families keep in touch with exes!
while you love him and he treats you good it is your family’s job to love him too because they are on ‘your side’ so to speak. However if he were to become your ex then he has to be their ex too otherwise they will hurt you.
i have spent the last five years trying to convince my mother that she should not still be inviting the lying alcoholic prostitute-sleeping-with scumbag bullying ex-husband of mine to dinner! She should be welcoming my FI instead into the family!!
Post # 12
OP, you’re human so I guess it happens. But your family kept in contact with an ex?? That’s so inappropriate!
Post # 13
I LOVED when my DH got close to my dad (when we were just dating). That was really important to me, that they enjoyed spending time together, because I spend a lot of time with my family. DH now will call my dad to go do something they enjoy together. I love it, and I love what it means for our son. I also hang out solo with his sisters/mom (though less often, since we no longer live in that state).
I think you’re right that it comes with your family keeping in touch with your ex–yuck!
Post # 14
I think I can kind of see where you are coming from. I have an ex bf who my parents loved. Yet they only saw him in person 1 time! They still think that he was my ideal match, even though he was emotionally unavailable and was very cold towards me the whole relationship.
My needs weren’t being met, and I wasn’t happy, so I left. He would say he was coming over, then hours later not even call to say he wasn’t coming. I would cry all the time, sad that I couldn’t understand why he didn’t or wouldn’t love me or treat me the way I knew I wanted to be and deserved to be treated.
One day, my birthday, he said he was coming. I had baked a cake for myself and was waiting for him to come over. All I wanted was a nice evening with him (just his time!). Yet he totally flaked on me, left me hanging and didn’t even have the thought to call me at all that day, to say that he couldn’t make it or to even wish me a Happy Birthday.
My family does not know about this stuff, as I was ashamed my life with this so-called ‘perfect person’ was not all that perfect.
Now in my current relationship which is much more fulfilling and happy, my parents don’t like the guy as much. “he’s not as nice as so and so”.
I think it hurts when we see our families still involved with the ex’s because they should be on our side! They should feel the same way. Often though it’s hard for the families to let go of the person because they have formed their own relationships with that person.
But I totally get how you feel. Have you tried talking to your family about it?
Post # 15
No I haven’t felt this way. But I am sure you have your reasons why you do. My family loves my husband….probably more than me 😉 and I think it is wonderful that we truly blended our families. It is a dream.